While walking along a pier, I saw a man casting his line into the water. He got a bite, and hooked a 60-degree angle. He looked over his catch, cast again, and said, “I hope I reel in a 30-degree angle this time.”
Confused, I asked, “Why?”
“I’m fishing for complements!”
When Dick Cavett was writing for the Tonight Show, he wrote a caption for a photo of Aristotle Onasis, who was shopping for a home in Los Angeles, being shown a house which used to belong to silent film star Buster Keaton: Aristotle Contemplating the Home of Buster.
He’d also have to reel in a 90 degree angle to make that joke right.
A brunette English teacher was trying to mentor a blonde student
Teacher: “What’s a metaphor?”
Student: “Silly, that’s where cows graze.”
Q: What’s the difference between an angry chicken and a scheming lawyer?
A: One clucks defiance.
I modified a pun I heard here (first?) at a grocery store, with as much success as one could expect from a pun.
My brother and I were in a grocery store in Estes Park, CO, and there were a bunch of people that looked vaguely like roman soldiers from afar - the colors were various shades of yellow, beige, and brown. It was only if you looked closely that you saw that the attire was more medieval and so the obvious conclusion was that there was some sort of HIghland games or festival going on.
My brother wondered why they looked like that, and I said “they’re pretending to be Roman Emperors to increase their romantic success, because everyone knows the hottest piper is a hobby Nero.”
And… man who lose key to girlfriend’s apartment, get no new key.
Took me a second— had to say it out loud before it clicked, but nice payoff 
Man who finger woman during period get caught red-handed.
Seen in the men’s toilet, 1977:
Confucius say: Next man who writes “Confucius say” will be hearing from my lawyer.
I was hit by a Rythm Stick. (Looking back, I was probably asking for it).
Anyway, luckily I had personal Ian Dury insurance.