These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
It’s Christmas time and Darth Vader says to Luke “I know what you’re getting for Christmas”. Luke replies “You do not”. Darth Vader replies, “I do so, I felt your presents”.
There’s these two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they’ve been separated from their unit and are lost. They’ve been wandering for several days without water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them. Naturally, they can’t believe their eyes and think it’s a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stallholders’ cries, and they eventually reach the market and realize that it’s really there.
So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall and cry to the stallholder, “Stallholder, we have been traveling in the desert for many days, and have had no water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some you can sell us water - tell us, do you have any for us?” The stallholder shook his head and replied "I’m sorry, French legionnaire type people, but all I have to sell is bowls full of jelly, topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with chocolate flakes ".
The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stallholder, “Mr. purveyor of fine foodstuffs and the like, we have been traveling through the desert for days, deprived of the necessary beverages which
are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can
sell us some skins of water.” The stallholder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed “Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I
have no water at all …all I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with chocolate flakes, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top - there,” he said, pointing out the glazed cherry. “I cannot help you…”.
The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stallholder, “Look mate,” (cos they’d stopped talking funny all of a sudden) “we need water or we’ll die. We’ve been traveling without water for days and need some now. Do you have any you can sell us?” The stallholder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he
confessed, “Sorry, fellas, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and chocolate flakes. I can’t help you. I’ll
have to condemn you to a long and lingering death by dehydration.” The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall, asking each stallholder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives, but each stallholder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and chocolate flakes.
Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the
desert market and walked off into the setting sun. As they did so,
one turned to the other and said, “That was really odd - a big
market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and chocolate flakes.” The other turned
to face his companion and replied, “Yes, it really was a trifle bazaar”.