Back during my freshman year in high school, I was with a group of three other boys doing a project on stem cell research. We were competing for the highest grade with a few other groups. We ended up losing. I asked myself out loud why we lost. Just then, a fellow member came up to me and said “Perhaps it was because of out defeatist attitude.” (If you don’t get it, pronounce the 2nd and 3rd syllables of “defeatist”.)
So what’s the worst pun you’ve ever heard?
Yeah, that was pretty bad.
I wouldn’t claim it’s the worst I’ve ever heard. Heck, I’d need a much better memory to make that claim, no matter what. But, the best/worst I’ve personally perpetrated, recently, was in the oral sex thread I started a while ago. It also depends on the context in which it was perpetrated, so you’ll have to bear in mind the title of the thread is Spit or Swallow? A followup poll TMI?. But, the post containing the pun, itself, is not graphic, and the link will take you directly to that one post. If you’re interested, it’s here. I think it’s funny. YMMV.
A favourite of mine, when I studied geology was “geology rocks”.
::d&r::
Someone I know has a t-shirt with “meteorologists have warm fronts” written on it.
There is a joke about the Jonestown tagedy that contains a pun. I would retell the joke here, but the punch line is too long.
I love puns. I have a friend named Noah, and one day he was talking about how smart he was.
Me: You know why you’re so smart?
Noah: No, why?
Me: Because you “Noah” lot!
And then he smacked me.
A termite stepped into a bar, walked up to the bar hop, and asked, “excuse me, is the bar tender here?”
I was hoping that one out of the ten puns I was contemplating posting would make me chuckle, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
You do realize that was a bannable offense, right? 
I was talking with my friend yesterday about superheros. My explination as to why Batman is one of the coolest crime fighters?
“He’s the original bat-ass!”
I don’t know what happened, it just popped out. I felt so lame…
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
I think the worst was perpetrated by Spider Robinson.
He talks about jet liners dumping out their toilet detritus while in flight. The “Blue Goo”, feces and urine sometimes will collect on the skin of the airplane, and build up.
Occasionally when this happens, and the plane makes a moderately quick descent, these big clumps will break off and crash into whatever is below.
Thus there was a house nearly destroyed by an Icy B.M.
O
I love puns, but I’m awful at creating them. At a wedding in Feb. I actually managed to be quick enough to make my very own Awful Pun.
The stolling violinist was electonically amplified, to a point that made table converstaion nearly impossible. At one point the guy sitting next to me leaned over and said, “I wonder how he’d walk with a violin up his ass?”
“Bowlegged” I chirped happily.
I don’t know if its worse that its such a poor pun, or that I’m so proud of it.
Medea, that is FUNNY! Nice one!
O
that’s funny
Ok you have to say this one out loud…
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
I’m full up.
I’m full up who?
sounds like … I’m full of poo.
Big hit with my nephew!
Fetus attitude? Fee tist attitude? Fetus Atta Dude (the superhero baby played by Gregory Peck in the little-known prequel to To Kill A Mockingbird)?
I hate the guy at parties who thinks he’s funny and makes a lot of puns and when someone tells him to shut up he says he’s ‘doling out pun-ishment!’
It’s usually the same guy who recites Monty Python skits verbatim and says ‘sounds like a personal problem’ whenever anybody says anything.
I don’t get invited to parties much.
By Mark Strand:
As Franz Kafka awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed into a raging bull elephant. He charged around his room with his trunk sticking straight up and making loud trumpeting noises. The picture of the lady in furs came crashing down, the vase of anemones tipped over. Suddenly afraid that his family might discover him, Franz stuck his enormous head out of the window overlooking the courtyard. But it was too late. His parents and sisters had already been awakened by the racket, and rushed into his room. All of them gasped simultaneously as they stared at the great bulk of Franz’s rump. Then Franz pulled his head and turned toward them, looking sheepish. Finally, after an awkward couple of minutes in which no one spoke, Franz’s mother went over and rested her cheek against his trunk and said, “Are you ill, dear?” Franz let loose a bloodcurdling blast, and his mother slipped to the floor. Franz’s father was about to help her but noticed the anemones tipped over on the table. He picked them up and threw them out the window, saying, "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?
One Tuesday morning, back when I was in college, I picked up a copy of the New York Daily News. The front page story said that, the previous day, the state had granted the city of New York a lot of money for subway improvements. The headline:
“Sick Transit’s Glorious Monday.”