Violence Is Not The Answer
The threat of violence is.
You’ll need the bulb from one of the many scents on chestnut vanity, corn syrup and red food coloring.
Talk to your coworkers politely. Stare directly into their eyes while doing so. Speaked in clipped phrases(somewhat in the style of Jack Pallance.).
“I have a, slight, problem. The two of you, have this, habit, of speaking like the, illegitimate daughter of, Elmer Fudd. To be, frank, I, don’t, like, it. You, will, stop. Or, there will be, consequences.”
At this point bare a wrist. Make a fist with the other hand, with the thumb straight rather than curled. Press the thumbnail deeply into the bared wrist. Then, slowly draw it across the wrist while squeezing the bulb. You may want to practice this at home, so as best deceive viewers. You’ve only squirted some red syrup(BTW- U Bet now makes vanilla, raspberry and black cherry syrups. I love the vanilla. The cherry tastes like a punch mom used to make with ginger ale and orange sherbert. I haven’t tried the raspberry yet.) on your wrist. But to viewers, you’ve unflinchingly mutilated yourself.
“If I’m willing to do that to myself, imagine what I do to people who don’t listen to me.”
Then walk off, clean the syrup off your wrist. Put on a band aid to maintain the illusion. Return to work as though nothing had happened. Act innocent when the pweshuss ones ask you about it.
Zebra
Nitpick- You mispelled shower.
