Chefguy
December 6, 2007, 11:49pm
23
Chainsawvictum:
The real story is that Peter Gusen owned a dairy farm that was attacked by cave dwelling vampire bats. His cows kept getting attacked and so did the family over and over. They contracted rabies and he lost his mind. While the shots helped they didn’t help the post tramactic stress disorder that came with the bat attacks. He became very affected and so did his family. He was in a church once that was attacked by bats and I was there. The bats attacked me and also crapped all over a crucifix with a gold Jesus on it and yes it was a catholic chruch. This man was very affected by vampires because of the bats and the invention of TV and vampire movies. Anyone that had been attacked by bats or had sharpteeth was subject to being taken to the farm for blood letting because in order for them not to attack the cows,sheeps, etc or attack his son who played with doodle bugs aka marbles outside at all hours of the night you had to give blood to him to sit outside so the bats could feed. His children later on in life that ran the butchering part of the farm became the terror of arkansas since it was here in Traskwood arkansas not texas that the massacure occured. He wore a cowhide mask in the butcher shop becasue it kept the blood off his face and so did the kids. One of the kids was really wild at the time over a female and he took over a neighboring farm and killed them one by one wearing the cowhide mask. They tracked him down in Saline County arkansas at the back of the small airport and it was a big thing he went to jail as a mass murderer under the name of Gusen not Hewitt. I am not a Gusen but I am one of the kidnapped by them to feed the bats. Somewhere in traskwood there is a cave full of bats that still come out to feed and yes the Guesn’s are still alive and ride at night wearing the cowhide masks and terrorizing the whole saline,grant,and hotsprings county area only cause that’s the area that they know. Any place else they get lost. Especilly if doodle is driving the truck cause he’s the nervous one you know. Some do use other names so you never know when your talking to a gusen and you just might be kidnapped to feed the bats in Traskwood.-Dixonville area.
This whole thing is pure gold…GOLD, I tells ya. Remove the periods, add an interrupted sentence and you’ve got next year’s Bulwar Lyton winner.
OMG!@ Chainsawvictum must have been messily chopped to bits by the saw-weilding siamese bats immediately after the post. We should do something.
Washoe
December 7, 2007, 12:24am
25
Like manna from Heaven. We all need to PayPal this guy .50¢ and buy him a membership. I feel secure in the assumption that he’s posting from the public library and has no money.
Also, I can reveal that he has a slight itch behind his left knee.
I’m still not convinced it isn’t viral marketing for another TCM prequel, but if it isn’t I’d like to buy the rights. I’m offering 3 cats-eye marbles, a piece of string, and a dead bird. Oh, and a pint of Mad Dog.
Shodan
December 7, 2007, 4:26pm
28
How long is the piece of string?
Regards,
Why do you ask? Are you planning to outbid me? Because I can add a baseball that went through a lawnmower and a second pint of MD 20-20 if I have to.
dropzone:
I’m still not convinced it isn’t viral marketing for another TCM prequel, but if it isn’t I’d like to buy the rights. I’m offering 3 cats-eye marbles, a piece of string, and a dead bird. Oh, and a pint of Mad Dog.
I’ll see your Mad Dog and raise you a Thunderbird.
I got three quarters of a bottle of Night Train that I’ll toss into the mix.
I bid a case of Sudafed and the location of a poorly-guarded tank of anhydrous ammonia, and that’s my final offer.
Wait, I have a question…so was it a Catholic church where the bats crapped on the crucifix?
As a crucifix by definition has a representation of Jesus, which Protestant crosses pointedly lack, and this area is rural Arkansas, so it probably isn’t an Eastern Rite church, Catholic could be assumed even if he hadn’t specified.
AskNott
December 8, 2007, 4:28pm
35
dropzone:
As a crucifix by definition has a representation of Jesus, which Protestant crosses pointedly lack, and this area is rural Arkansas, so it probably isn’t an Eastern Rite church, Catholic could be assumed even if he hadn’t specified.
Not necessarily.Some rural Arkansan Protestant churches have crucifixes at some times of the year. Being practical bucolic congregations, though, they move the crucifixes into the cornfields in midsummer. They serve as scarecrows until harvest time.
Based on the “Get thee behind me” quote, two congregations even mount two crucifixes, back to back, in the field.
No way! That is so cool! I love it when remnants of Old Religions survive, and THAT ain’t Popish.
Baldwin
December 19, 2007, 1:00pm
38
The greatest trick that the vampire bats in Arkansas ever played was making the world think they didn’t exist. You keep living your happy little life with them blinders on, mister.
ETA: Chainsaw Massacure sounds like a movie about a surgeon who uses extreme techniques.
Baldwin:
The greatest trick that the vampire bats in Arkansas ever played was making the world think they didn’t exist. You keep living your happy little life with them blinders on, mister.
ETA: Chainsaw Massacure sounds like a movie about a surgeon who uses extreme techniques.
No, it’s the sequel to Chainsaw Manacure