The Real Story of ChainSaw Massacure


Silly bunt.

This whole thing is pure gold…GOLD, I tells ya. Remove the periods, add an interrupted sentence and you’ve got next year’s Bulwar Lyton winner.

OMG!@ Chainsawvictum must have been messily chopped to bits by the saw-weilding siamese bats immediately after the post. We should do something.

Like manna from Heaven. We all need to PayPal this guy .50¢ and buy him a membership. I feel secure in the assumption that he’s posting from the public library and has no money.

Also, I can reveal that he has a slight itch behind his left knee.

I’m still not convinced it isn’t viral marketing for another TCM prequel, but if it isn’t I’d like to buy the rights. I’m offering 3 cats-eye marbles, a piece of string, and a dead bird. Oh, and a pint of Mad Dog.

How long is the piece of string?


Why do you ask? Are you planning to outbid me? Because I can add a baseball that went through a lawnmower and a second pint of MD 20-20 if I have to.

I’ll see your Mad Dog and raise you a Thunderbird.

I got three quarters of a bottle of Night Train that I’ll toss into the mix.

I bid a case of Sudafed and the location of a poorly-guarded tank of anhydrous ammonia, and that’s my final offer.

Wait, I have a question…so was it a Catholic church where the bats crapped on the crucifix?

As a crucifix by definition has a representation of Jesus, which Protestant crosses pointedly lack, and this area is rural Arkansas, so it probably isn’t an Eastern Rite church, Catholic could be assumed even if he hadn’t specified.

Not necessarily.Some rural Arkansan Protestant churches have crucifixes at some times of the year. Being practical bucolic congregations, though, they move the crucifixes into the cornfields in midsummer. They serve as scarecrows until harvest time.

Based on the “Get thee behind me” quote, two congregations even mount two crucifixes, back to back, in the field.

No way! That is so cool! I love it when remnants of Old Religions survive, and THAT ain’t Popish.

I just did.

The greatest trick that the vampire bats in Arkansas ever played was making the world think they didn’t exist. You keep living your happy little life with them blinders on, mister.

ETA: Chainsaw Massacure sounds like a movie about a surgeon who uses extreme techniques.

No, it’s the sequel to Chainsaw Manacure

More likely a prequel.