The temptation is to flail you arms about, but you should resist, as this can not only enrage the insect, but also cause you to lose control of the vehicle. Instread, swat it with one of your feet.
Drug him, then quickly get him to the altar while he’s still conscious. Afterwards, drag him outside the church and leave him on the grass until the drugs take full effect. Then call the undertaker to come and pick him up.
How do I find a 90 year old millionaire so that I can try this too??
I think we may have mis-informed poor Rufus… If you are driving on a crowded interstate, it is dangerous to discharge firearms! In these cases, it is always best to calmly exit the vehicle… especially if you are traveling 70mph or faster.
Question: How can I politely inform my cow-orkers that I do not appreciate their slack-asses making extra work for me?
Nothing says ‘I do not appreciate you’ more politely than a big, steaming pile of human waste. Liberally place them in the common areas where these people normally congregate. In no time, they’ll be calling YOU ‘slack-ass’!
ZombiesAteMyBrain: The best place to find 90-year-old millionaires is in a country that used to be a Communist Dictatorship. You would do well to brush up on your German, Polish, Russian, or Rumanian.
My question: What’s the best pet to give as a gift to a four-year-old?
Neglect is the biggest killer of children’s pets, so get something that can fend for itself; a Siberian Tiger, for example.
If you prefix it with “Now I don’t mean to offend, but…”, you can say anything you like without fear of upset.
A tiger or lion kitten is a world of fun for a four-year-old.
The child can play with the kitten from the beginning, and as the kitten grows and learns its hunting skills, it can teach the child–as the child teaches the kitten how to deal with humans. By the time kitten and child reach adolescence, they’ll be such good friends that they’ll practically be part of each other.
My question: I’m having lunch with a senior cabinet minister this weekend. How can I best present my petition to her?
Tattooed on your naked posterior.
Where should I put my piano?
Libertarian asked, Where should I put my piano?
The answer is: Over there. Or maybe there. No, definitely not there.
My question: What’s the first think I should do when I get through the entrance to Disneyland tomorrow?
Whip out and take a nice, long, satisfying whiz on the bush shaped liked mickey. It’s a tradition.
What is the best way to break up with my fiancee?
verbenabeast asked:
What is the best way to break up with my fiancee?
My answer, ripped straight from verbenabeat’s own playbook:
Whip it out and take a nice, long, satisfying whiz on her. It’s a tradition.
My question: I seem to have run out of petrol. Where can I get more?
Take your own step in the “war against terror” - Invade a small weak country with ample oil reserves, terrorise the inhabitants and take possession of the oil wells. If you’re from the USA, leak your plan to the Government, and they’ll help you out with arms, troops etc.
After sex, wipe off the lil guy with her cat.
(I actually read a letter to Cosmo’s Agony Column about a woman who woke up to find her boyfriend doing exactly that.)
The easiest solution is to time it and when the wasp lands on the dashboard on the passenger side, immediately drive head-on into a wall or tree. The deploying airbag will smash the wasp and you avoid being stung.
My question: I’m over 50 with gray hair. I have a serious case of the hots for Hilary Duff. How can I score with her on her 18th birthday?
Tell her you are a 90 year old millionaire.
My supervisor is away on a family emergency, and I have nothing to do at work but read the SDMB. How can I keep my supervisor away for the rest of her life?
How many family members does your supervisor have? If you;re interested, I have a number you could call and you could off all her family members… one at a time. Permanent family emergency.
How do get rid of scars?
Depends where they are - some people [or so I’m told] find them sexy.
If you really want to get rid of them, I suggest using an electric sander.
What do I do when there’s nothing worth watching on TV?
Go out and commit a few murders. You will definitely be interested in TV when you yourself are on every channel for weeks on end.
I’m 50 years old and single. How do I get a man?