Try church functions. Many religious leaders are required to be celibate. They’re so horny, they’ll even do old broads.
My question: How do I get my apartment organized?
Maximizing space is the key here. Put your fishtank on top of the oven. Keep your old car batteries and household cleaners in that extra space in your underwear drawer. Place the computer tower out on the balcony.
Q: I ran into an old girlfriend today. We had lunch and then shared a special moment at a local hotel. Feeling a little guilty. Should I tell my wife?
No, she won’t believe you. Women foind it impossible to believe other women find their husbands attractive. Next time, gather evidence. Fluid samples and photographs are the most convinceing.
How do shy women signal that they want to have sex?
Seems to me that you have answered your own question. Prostitution is an excellent way to earn extra cash while doing something you surely enjoy as well as getting some exercise. It’s all good.
Should I read my daughters diary?
Sure thing!! Kids never tell their parents what they’re up to - how else are you expected to find out? If there are any ‘naughty’ bits I suggest you mark them with highlighter, and write comments in the margin. That way she’ll learn from your experience.
Shy people frequently are scared of being embarrassed. Take the initiative, but be subtle about it. If you’re dancing, start grinding your hips against her. If she’s a coworker, when only she can see you grab your nipples and squeeze them while looking into her eyes. Mail her a picture of your erect penis. Say things that only she would relate to sex, like “Shy girls give me serious wood.” and “The nervous laughter of a woman makes me want to shoot in my shorts.”
Oh, and my question:
When I’m on my deathbed, how will I know if I’ve lived a good life?
If your 200 Faberge egg collection collapses on you from the third shelf from the top, and your relatives don’t find youe body for weeks.
How do I clean a computer fan?
If your 200 Faberge egg collection collapses on you from the third shelf from the top, and your relatives don’t find your body for weeks.
How do I clean a computer fan?
It is a little known fact that most modern computers are in fact dishwasher safe, so not only your fan but your monitor keyboard and entire system can be put in the dishwasher and will come up an absoulte treat.
For myself, I would like to know how to find love in this cold sad world?
welp… have you ever seen those old men on the beach with those detector-thingees? They are, in fact, looking for love in this cold sad world, many for the third or fourth time. So you need to get yerself a pair of green plaid gaberdeen shorts, a sleeveless undershirt, an ugly straw hat with a green plastic visor, and black dress socks and dress shoes… and get out on that beach young man!
oh… my question… how can I cope with the heartbreak of psoriasis?
The only way to deal with heartbreak of any kind is to psychically push the pain into a little ball in your stomach. Clench your fists to do it if you have to. Hearbreak is weakness. Become insensitive to people who can’t “deal with a little freakin’ psoriasis.”
And my question:
How should I deal with an unpleasant neighbor?
Iron filings are the best abrasive for this purpose. Turn the computer on, and with the fan running, pour about 3 pounds of magnetized iron filings into the fan opening.
This will also significantly speed up your computer, since it is the convoluted pathways in computers that slow down the electrons. The iron filings will shorten these pathways by a factor of ten, giving you performance you could only dream of. Remember to not back up your data, since computers can smell fear.
How do I get dried spaghetti off the walls of my microwave oven?
Iron filings
however, if you used up your iron filings cleaning your computer (make sure to use a high-pressure washer to rinse the filings out of your running computer), you can try filling the microwave compartment with steel wool pads and setting the timer for an hour on high
the sparks show that they’re working
while the microwave is “sparking itself clean” you can then proceed to drop it into a sinkfull of hot, soapy water while it’s running, it’ll come out of the sink looking better than new 
alternatively, put your microwave in a bigger microwave and nuke it, you could also put it in the dishwasher, much like computers, most home electrical appliances are dishwasher safe
You could send an anonymous tip to the government that he’s an Iraqi agent - that should get rid of him pretty sharpish!
There are two components to spaghetti – the pasta and the sauce. The best way to clean any item is by analyzing the soil by the “Law of Similars.” First, pasta has two important characteristics – it’s pale and sticky. The appropriate counter agent would then be dark and slippery – the obvious choice is graphite. Spaghetti is usually served with a Bolognese sauce, which is red and spicy. The counter agent in this case would be green and bland – cucumber, for example. A combination of the two agents would then clean your microwave oven effectively, if handled under the same conditions that caused the problem.
So, microwave some powdered graphite and some pureed cucumber for several minutes.
Question: How can I convince a beautiful stranger to have sex with me?
Once you find a suitable stranger, follow him/her around for a while. Learn all about his/her hobbies, home life, and all around daily routine. A few personal secrets wouldn’t hurt. Make sure you’re not seen, or else the experiment will fail. Once you’ve gathered enough data, make up a presentation using the information you gathered detailing why you deserve sex from this person. Use as many personal details as possible, the fact that you went out of your way to learn information about this person will surely impress them. If you make a clear enough argument, you’re well on your way to getting laid!
If that’s not your style, though, you can always follow the example of our ancestors: knock on the head, drag back to the homestead.
What’s the best way to get to the Seychelles?
IIRC, they are an island group somewhere on earth. That’s all you need to know to use my suggested method of travel, involving being vaporized in a nuclwar blast at high altitude.
How do I protest being ordered to start wearing a uniform shirt to work?