Good Gosh. When this guy first started to shit, it must have looked like Yul Brynner coming headfirst out his ass.
What is it about me coming to work at a place that makes people begin to shit uncontrollably? I walk in the door and all of a sudden everyone’s shit ain’t right. Is it nature or nurture? What do they fertilize their breakfast eggs with here… Salt? Pepper? Miracle Turd?
I’m telling you, this was the umbilicle cord of shits. Next year somebody will be celebrating it’s birthday.
You ever crap a log jam? This guy shits a forest at a time. His turds have bark. Where they break there’s growth rings. You could do dendrochronology on 'em and deduce he’s never had a food drought. One of the sonuvabitches even had branches.
Fortunately, today’s Friday. Me and my Nancy Sinatra boots are gonna get the fuck outta here.
Great…juuuust great. Now I’ve got this vision of Nancy doing a grape stomping boogie through a septic tank while the tune echoes in my head. And it was such a nice Friday so far.
Oh my god!! That is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.
The OP had me chuckling pretty hard, then I read your post & lost it. (before I even clicked on the link) My coworker was looking at me like I’m nuts. All I could do was point and wipe tears from my eyes. When I caught my breath I said “there’s no way I’m clicking on that link”. She said, “I’ll give you a dollar”
I would say the usual “you owe me a new keyboard” but I wasn’t drinking at the time. But you do owe me a new ribcage.
Whoever said the internet isn’t the greatest tool ever invented by mankind has just been proven wrong.
I have to ask though. Where & how did you find that site?
Here I complain about finding a horse colon in the bathroom and then I remember I’d left such a beast myself many years back. I actually did mention this in another thread but it was a year or more back so don’t read on if this sounds familiar unless, of course, you like a good poop story.
I used to go to summer camp as a kid. We ran and played and stayed so active that you usually only had to squat once a week or so. No shit. But oh what a squat it would be.
My fateful day arrived one bright Saturday morning. I’d gone into the large communal crapper and sat down to do my business. What was strange was that I’d started to poop and it just wouldn’t stop. It just kept coming and coming to where it felt like I was flossing my butt with a garden hose. Finally my anus nipped the long awaited bud and I stood up to admire my handiwork.
What lay before me was truly remarkable.
You ever seen those Indian guys that kneel before a large bowl and charm a Cobra? Here was my enormous serpent, all coiled up like it was waiting to strike. It had started off going round and round in circles like those guys do with the rope on a ship’s deck, then had switched to accordian style. I think there was a knot in the middle. I gasped, jumped back and exclaimed * “Oh my gosh… I just took a shit that’s two feet long!” *
I heard paper rustle in the stall next to me and soon another camper rushed in and stood next to me in disbelief. * “Look at that… You just made a dookie that’s two feet long!”*
Several of the guys quit their showering, ran over and exclaimed in unison * “Holy cow, that turd’s gotta be two feet long!”*
One of the little campers looked scared, quickly rushed out the door and ran smack into one of the directors. * “Hey Jimmy, How ya doin’?” * he asked. * “Not so well Mr. Munson. There’s a boy that just took a shit in there that’s two feet long.”*
Concerned, Mr Munson came in, peered over my shoulder at the serpent and said to me gravely* “Son, that shit’s about two feet long.” *
OK. I went to that site. I really wanted the courage and strong stomach to brave that site. I thought “I’m a nurse. I’ve seen lots of shit. I can RATE SOME POO!!”
