My mom is the ‘Don of Favors’. If you get roped into agreeing to doing her a favor, you’ve basically sworn a blood-oath to come through with it. If you betray her, or are unable to come through with your promise, you are destined to eternal chastisement and witholding of help.
Back when I lived with my mom, the single most aggrivating thing (not that huge of a deal, just in comparison to other issues) about it was that she would ask for a favor, but couldn’t seem to take no for an answer. Often her favors were more important than anything I had to do- if I couldn’t do it because of work, she’d ask, “can’t you just take the day off? your mother is more important than your job, you know.”. If I had school, she’d want me to take the day off as well. No excuse would satisfy her. If I didn’t come through, she would ‘retaliate’ by denying me a favor. See, in her world, favors were currency, and conveniently enough I always had a debt of 1-3 favors; every favor I did for her was ‘evening the score’, it was never the other way around.
So finally I got sick of it and moved out. One day, while at AAA to transfer her name of my car’s registration (long story) she asked if I could house-sit for her. I wasn’t sure, but I knew if I said no I wouldn’t hear the end of it. So I told her ‘maybe’. Then, the school year started, and my days got very busy. I work two jobs during the week, from 7AM to 8:30PM. When I get home, I pretty much cook dinner, eat, and go to bed, so I have enough rest to get up at 6 the next morning. Stopping by my mom’s house every day did not sound appealing (in fact after moving just staying there for an extended period of time started getting unpleasant). I got a voice mail from her one day during lunch saying she needed me over at the house the following day; they were leaving the next morning and needed me to take care of things- my mom basically took my ‘maybe’ and turned it into a ‘yes’ without asking. So I left her a message (wasn’t home) saying that I couldn’t do it- I’m working 52 hours/week and what little time I have at my new place is spent doing laundry/chores/filling job apps/etc. I said she should call her neighbor across the street who sometimes housesits for her and that it would be easier on her.
She sent me another message later, this time very angry, saying I was in ‘Very Big Trouble!’ :mad: because I had promised I’d house-sit (I didn’t) and I had owed her a favor for her boyfriend helping me move (I never asked for the help). Personally, I think its her own fault for not planning ahead and finding someone who could definitely do it, rather than trying to make me feel guilty for ‘betraying’ her. When I discussed the drama with my best friend (known since 3rd grade) he speculated that maybe since both my brother and I no longer live there, my mom still has this compulsion to order people around and make us feel like we have ‘obligations’ toward her.