The Ron Thread

Okay - this is for the people from this thread that read this snippet:

The first time I met Ron was at a holiday party I was hosting at my house. My sister and Ron showed up 2 hours late - because they were shopping for toilet paper.

yes you read that right.

I was the older sister (by 2 years and 363 days but who’s counting?) and so therefore you would assume a certain desire to make a good impression.

What I got was my sister and Ron doing the human hand-holding contortion: His arm around her shoulder, her hand holding that hand. His other hand in her lap, her hand on his lap. Their ankles intertwined. It was a kitchen chair version of Twister.

In fact, they would only break hands to feed each other food from their plates and then lick around the edges of their mouths to get the excess crumbs off.

It was lovely, I tell ya.

So, as the party is breaking up and my sister (y’know - the one Ron has been pawing for the past hour) is in the bathroom, and my friend Tina’s husband is off getting their coats, Ron starts chatting up Tina:

“You know, I manage a restaurant downtown. You should really stop by some time for lunch - y’know, if you are off shopping by yourself. Just c’mon by my place and have lunch on me - you’ll love it. If you time it right, I should be able to join you - it’ll be great!”

Tina is a little naive sometimes, so she isn’t sure how to take that. She just smiles and thanks him for the offer. Ron takes that as a good sign.

“Yeah, y’know, I practically run the place, and I invest in shares of the business, so I’m an owner too. You should really stop by. Really.”

At this point, I’ve heard it too - and turn to look at Ron. He’s looking very self-assured and I’m sure he thinks he’s suave.

My sister returns at that point and I say, “Wow, hun, Ron was just telling inviting us downtown for lunch sometime - wasn’t that nice of him?”

My sister said, “Not me - I can’t stand eating at Burger King. No offense, sweetheart.”

(I’ve got more - I just don’t want to waste your time or mine if y’all were just being nice before.)

Oh, no, please keep posting! That was awesome.



Ron! Ron! Ron!

This guy sounds familiar. I mean, really, haven’t we all met a Ron at some point?

(Would you be honored if Ron becomes an inside reference on the SDMB, as a shorthand name for this kind of character?)

Heh. So wait, this is your sister’s flame or your brother’s? You mention your brother in the snippet, so I got confused.

Ron is my new hero! I will spend every waking moment from this day forward trying to achieve the same level of awesomeness as Ron. :smiley:

That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. You must share more!

[del]I got thrown out of a bar in New York City.[/del]

Sorry, wrong thread.

Do you mean each other’s mouths? Because I have a sick feeling you meant each other’s mouths.

Burger King, HA!

Various weird anecdotes from people’s past (and occasionally present) are my absolute favorite part of this board.

Now get to typin’. :slight_smile:

And how long has your sister been dating this charming young man?

I must insist upon more Ron tales.

From now on, I will always ask myself, “WWRD?”

Lordy. I used to have a friend that was a bit like Ron. Not as bad, but he was the sort of person who found a reason – any reason, no matter how tenuously related to the topic at hand – to inject something about himself and his achievements into a conversation. There were two ways he would couch such things:

  1. Trying to play it cool and nonchalant, as if it were nothing, even though the fact that he’s bringing it up, often with little context, says he thinks it’s quite something indeed.


  1. Complaining about how hard he has it when the situation he is describing clearly isn’t. Talking about how much money he has to shell out for car payments, second car payments, mortgage payments (making a point to include the fact that it’s his “starter home”), Christmas gifts for the wife, their friends, bills, bills, bills and OH GOD I’M SO BROKE I only have a couple grand in chequing…

In other words, it is for him and him alone that a symphony of microscopic violins plays.

But yes, let’s here more of this Ron fellow. He sounds delightful, like he constantly has to be at the gym in 26 minutes…


I married a Ron. That’s his real name, but he has some other Ron qualities.

He did most of the cooking when we first started dating, and he liked to experiment. He got off work before I did, and most nights I’d get home and he’d call and tell me supper was ready, come on over. Good food but nothing too imaginative – midwestern stuff, meat, potatoes, a vegetable, or something on the grill.

One night he surprised me with stuffed manicotti. Know what he stuffed it with? Hot dogs. He thought it was so cool that the manicotti shape was the perfect fit for a hot dog. I didn’t laugh.

I did- laughed my damned ass off! :smiley:

AuntiePam, you may be the most devoted wife ever. Seriously, I’m impressed.

That is simply priceless.