Is the qualifier at all necessary?
I just finished reading this entire thread, and now I have the Kid’s in the Hall song Dave’s I Know running through my head, except I’m hearing “These are the Ron’s I know, I know, these are the Ron’s I know”.
The best part about that video - some of those Daves look suspiciously like Rons!
Hey Mel, any more Ron the Obtuse stories in the offing? I’m suffering severe withdrawls and need a fix, bad.
Today’s Contribution:
As you may recall, Ron and my sister had bought Garth Brooks tickets using the money from when his car payment had bounced. (see post #52 for the story)
That was the final straw for me as far as helping my sister out financially. I would buy her groceries, I would give her rides, I would help her look for jobs and apartments and help in other ways. But I just wasn’t going to give her any more money, even as short-term loans.
My father and stepmom felt the same way and felt like it was time they learned a little truth and consequence. So when they got the inevitable call from my sister that she and Ron were broke again and they really needed money, my father proposed a plan. My father would buy the concert tickets from them, enabling them to get the money they so “desperately” needed.
Of course, this was not fair to either Ron or my sister. Give up concert tickets so they could have food and gas? Eschew luxury for practicality? Heresy! But after a few days, they took the offer and the exchange was made.
Now, my father & step mom had no interest in seeing Garth Brooks in concert –but now they had tickets to go see him. They couldn’t give the tickets back to my sister, because they would not be proving their point.
So one day, my father hands me the tickets. My husband at the time and I lived in the town where the concert was being given, and liked a few of his songs well enough. What was I to do? We went to the concert, never saying a word of it to my sister. The man put on a great show, even from our nosebleed seats.
A few weeks later, Ron and Sis came to dinner. Ron being Ron, he thought nothing of poking about our bookshelf and found the concert program.
“Aw man, you guys got to go? We had tickets y’know.”
I tried to maintain my best oblivious face. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, and they were primo seats too. As close to floor seats as you can get without actually being down on the floor.”
“Wow – those sound like great seats.” And nothing like the seats we sat in.
“Yeah,” he says, growing confident. “Y’know, I have connections with the [local arena].” (my translation – Burger King evidently must serve there . . .)
I nod, trying hard to maintain. My husband at this point excuses himself to attend to “something important.”
“Yeah, well, your dad and mum really wanted them so we gave them the tickets instead.
“But,” he added, leaning forward in his Ron-on-the-prowl way. “Had I realized you guys wanted them, I would have given them to you.”
If you only knew, Ron, if you only knew.
This truly is the thread that keeps on giving!
I like ‘Dumber than a room full of Rons.’
I just have to chime in so that I get notified when there’s an update to this thread. I look forward to my Ron stories like I do to a good meal when I’m starving. How can I be starved for stories of stupidity, you say? I’m not sure why I hunger for tales of the inept. Maybe they make me feel better about myself? Maybe they’re just hilarious?
Oh, Jeebus. Oh, JEEBUS! Why did you do that??? The mental image is making my head explode! The vortex of stupid, it’s like it goes on forever!
Did Garth sing that big hit of his, “I Got Rons In Low Places”? I think that’s the title… I don’t listen to a lot of country music. 
Given that melodyharmonious has only posted 467 times, she should be granted some kind of award for having what must be the highest enjoyment-to-post ratio on the SDMB. This is greatness in the making. She really should publish a book.
And half-seriously, I think this thread ought to be stickied.
I also love the Ron stories. I have to admit that when I saw this album cover from a link in another thread (Mash Theory: EXCLUSIVE: Can I Borrow a Feeling?), I immediately thought of Ron.
Shouldn’t that be 'Dumber than a room full of Ron-duhs"?
Brain bleach, please. Large.
Lol - don’t inflict Ron on poor Garth. Wasn’t Chris Gaines bad enough?
Okay, I just have to say that this thread made me finally feel like a Doper. Previously I had felt only like an entertained interloper. So I must confess, it is all of you who have given me the highest enjoyment-to-participation factor.
I won’t tell you just how close you’ve come.
Awesome.
And I’m thinking “TV series.”
I knew a Ron, sort of. RichRon was more successful than most Rons; he had an excellent job, nice family, and good home life. What made him a Ron was that he always had to top everyone else at everything (much like the Dilbert character “Topper”). One day my friend Jess wrote a short story, and made the mistake of giving it to RichRon to read and critique. RichRon promptly went into his office, and appeared a couple of hours later holding his OWN short story, which of course was much better than hers (if you asked him, that is).
RichRon finally got his comeuppance due to 9/11, of all things. I overheard him talking to my co-worker in the next cubicle about his experience the week of 9/11; he was at a hotel in the DC area that week for training, and wouldn’t you know it - the FBI came in and took over the whole hotel as a command post! He then sauntered over to my cubicle and asked “So, Rocket Surgery, where were you during 9/11?” Bad move, RichRon.
I then proceeded to tell him about my mom, who was evacuated from her office on the 38th floor of the South tower of the WTC after plane #1 hit, and had to walk down the stairs only a month after her pacemaker had been installed, and was halfway down when plane #2 hit; but she couldn’t use the handrail after that because the stairway walls became too hot due to burning jet fuel pouring down the inside walls of the building, and how she was basically tossed into an ambulance (over her ignored objections) and wound up in Brooklyn before she could complain. Except I think by the time I got that far into the story, RichRon was slinking back to his office, because nothing is sadder than a RichRon who has been topped.
I’m glad your mom was OK. 
Thanks. We joke the she’s used 3 or her 9 lives - 1 for getting out of Germany with her family in 1938; 1 for the 1993 WTC bombing; and 1 for 9/11. But that’s neither here, there, or Ron.
More Ron! More Ron!
Sometimes reading those Ron stories make me feel better about myself!
Definitely!
I knew a Ron. Did you know he used to be in the band with ZZ Top? (They’ve always had only three members.) And he was a policeman. And he was an expert carpenter. He was anything that the conversations required him to be, so he could be the “expert.” His lies were so bizarre it was funny to catch him in one.
Mostly he was a thief, though.
That reminds me of a Ron I met one time…he told me that he’d actually met Pink Floyd backstage and shaken his hand. I was impressed.