Thirded!
That was a great story!
I would love to show you a picture - but I must admit - I have nothing from that marriage except a stack of bills and some ironic memories.
Beautifully told, melodyharmonious! (My pastor’s Big Rule was that the ceremony had to start on time. If I was late, he was going to start without me.:D)
Well, to be honest, after all those nuns I raped in Nicaragua, I think anything I do at this point is pretty marginal. 
Thank you
Another horror of the wedding (it was a whole saga, believe me) was that the pastor said if we didn’t show up to the wedding rehearsal with the marriage certificate, he wouldn’t perform the ceremony. The town hall was right by the church, so I went down to pick it up, only to find out that my fiance hadn’t signed his medical report - and the town hall wouldn’t give us the certificate.
Fortunately, I had planned my wedding rehearsal for a Thursday night with the wedding on a Saturday morning, just to make sure that if anything got screwed up, I’d have 24 hours to fix it. The little old lady at the town hall called the pastor (she went to his church) and she got him to relent since we had more time than most.
But nevertheless, I was frazzled.
Yikes!
A DonnaRon run amok.
Hungover grooms are fairly common, but tossing back a few immediately before ceremony is a new one on me.
Not to be a noodge, but it was “The Exorcist” ,; we all have the visual though.
Great tale, Mel. A sadder but wiser one for that episode, no doubt.
This may possibly be the most hilarious thing I’ve read today and I am officially adopting it as my new default exclamation of excitement or joy. Online AND irl. Thank you.
Also, great story Mel, I can only imagine the horror you must have felt when you saw Donna up there, camera in hand… :rolleyes:
Alas! I cannot take credit for that one! I do believe I have seen it here on the boards, but so far my search for “mansquee” has been fruitless or else I would properly attribute it to the Doper who is much more brilliant and clever than yours truly.
I find it in this earlier thread, but not elsewhere. I did not search for it as two words.
d’oh! you are so right!! :smack:
I just realized, I have BarbaraRon to contribute! (Name changed to protect the guilty.)
In my old law firm, we had an attorney named Barbara, who also had a secretary named Barbara. Attorney Barbara was one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. Secretary Barbara … wasn’t. One time, she was sending a package to the European Patent Office, and came to Attorney Barbara, incensed. “You said to send this to Munich, Germany!” Yes, that’s right. What’s the problem? “But it’s for the European Patent Office!” Yes, it is. So? “Shouldn’t the European Patent Office be in Munich, EUROPE?”
Secretary Barbara also used to answer Attorney Barbara’s phone. Despite many requests to stop, she would do so by saying, “Hello, this is Barbara!” Of course people were confused, and would start telling her legal details that she was unqualified to pronounce, let alone understand. But the worst was when there was a death in Attorney Barbara’s family. Her aunt called her at work to let her know, and secretary Barbara answered. “Hello, this is Barbara!” Somberly, “Hi, Barbara, it’s your Aunt Amy.” Secretary Barbara answered, “I don’t have an Aunt Amy,” and hung up on her.
oh my word, ENugent. She qualifies. Indubitably.
:eek:
The only acceptable ending to that story is “She was fired before the echo died.”
Please, Jebus, tell me that’s the way the story ends.
Which brings up an interesting point: Rons, and Ronellas, don’t seem to exactly prosper, but do they ever really get their true karmic dues, either? Isn’t it something of a Ron trait that they are never held fully accountable for their actions?
Sadly, it’s not as rare as you might think. It’s not just the groom and his men. I’ve seen plenty of lit up wedding parties. A cousin of mine stands out in particular - the bride, all four bridesmaids, and the 12 year old jr bridesmaid (also a cousin) all giggled their way through the wedding, tipsy as hell. People think a good way to calm the pre-wedding jitters is with a flask. I’ve even heard a pastor admonish the couple at rehearsals that if he smelled alcohol on the breath of the bride or groom, he wouldn’t go through with the ceremony.
I met a Ron!
In our local redneck pub (a terrific place for Ron hunting) a Ron recently informed me that there was no religion before Jesus.
Me: What about the Jews?
Ron: Jewish isn’t a religion.
Me: Okay, what about the Romans and their elaborate system of gods and goddesses.
Ron: There were no Romans before Jesus.
Me: Err…okay, Ron.
What I love about these guys is that they’re too stupid to argue with.
OMFG! Praise the lord and pass the bourbon!
It’s really funny how he furiously does web searches on his Blackberry while I talk to try to confirm his ridiculous “facts.”
Sadly, no, it took fucking up an actual client matter a couple years later for her to get fired.
When I tended bar I had a guy claim that the natural state for all men was homosexuality. He knew this because we are in fact HOMO-sapiens!