The background: As part of his homework, my son (grade 6, not quite 11 yrs old) had to write a poem tonight. He enjoyed the process so much that he speculated that he might want to be a poet when he’s grown up - not as a main career, but on the side. He said he would share his poems with others over the internet. Being Mom, I said “well, you don’t have to wait until you’re a grown-up to do that. Tell you what, if you want I’ll put your poem on the Straight Dope.”
That kind of made him nervous, but also fascinated him. So below, I print his poem.
Maybe other kids would like to see their poetry on the internet - any parents out there have some of their children’s poems to share? It seems like a nice way to encourage poetry writing and reading, a sadly neglected activity in these times.
ON HUMANITY
by CairoSon
Can one achieve independence?
Think before making a reply.
Think, without the air how would we live?
Without land how could we stand?
Without each other how would we speak?
Without the sun how would we see?
Without plants how would we eat?
Without water could we drink?
Think now of man’s weakness.
The only help I provided was to correct the spelling of “independance.” I soooooo badly wanted to add a comma or dash in the line “without water, could we drink?” but resisted the urge to change his work.
He said he was excited about reading other kids’ work in this thread, so I do hope some proud parents stop by and respond.
Well resisted, it’s not necessary. The only change I might make is with the last line (maybe losing it entirely), as I think it overplays the point. But overall a great piece. Keep him going at it, although he’s a poet already.
My daughter’s only two. So whilst she’s exceptionally gifted for her years blah de blah etc etc, we might have to wait a bit on that one.
My 7-year-old daughter (younger of two girls, middle of 3 children) composed this poem as part of an illustrated booklet she put together as a Christmas present for her grandfather. I strongly suspect it is directed at my wife (her mother) and refers to events of this past summer.
The capitalization, spacing and indentation I give here mirror what she hand-wrote on paper.
THE BEACH
The Beach is hot,
Like a boiling Pot,
Until you go in the
w
a
t
e
r.
Then the beach is cold,
And you never told
Your poor, shivering
Daughter.
I don’t know where she got the idea to capitalize the way she does. I wonder if she’s been reading 17th Century literature without my knowing?
ETA: I’m trying to format how she wrote “water” but it’s not coming through. They’re interleaved with different indentation, I suppose to look like water flowing or dripping.
ETA2: It seems “code” formatting was the way to go.
BTW CairoCarol, that is excellent work, and I especially appreciate that you resisted over-editing his work. Let him find his own voice. It may be rough at first but there is a gem there for sure.
robardin, that’s another really good one. My congrats to your daughter - it made me laugh and I love what she did with the layout.
I think that children are much more into words and wordplay than we generally realise, and this should be encouraged from as early as possible. Poetry, which most of us adults see as stuffy and boring, can be great fun for kids. What are nursery rhymes after all?
Your kids might enjoy the Michael Rosen website. He’s a really great children’s poet from the UK (don’t let his ‘goofy’ looks put you off). In fact I should email him the poems - I’ve heard he’s pretty good at getting back to people.
I love both of these poems. Amazing for both children. My children are big now, and I don’t have samples of their work, but I remember my first poem.
Here’s my first poem ever at about 7 or 8: (not deep kid at all - smile)
Spring is happiness to keep
Little birds go peep-peep-peep
No more winter ho-ho-ho
We are tired of the snow
Happiness is in the air
We are glad that Spring is here.
Heh. My youngest child has a mischievous streak with words all right. Not in a poetical way but in a “take it literally just to be funny” way.
When he was 2, my wife told him to watch out for a puddle of spilled soda at the playground – “just walk around it”. He gave her a crafty look, then proceeded to do a full circle walk (like playing duck-duck-goose) around the puddle before continuing on.
Similarly, when his 2-year-old cousin kissed him on the cheek one day, he was told he should “kiss her back”. Again with the crafty look, followed by him leaning over and kissing her. On her back.
Wow. I’m impressed. It’s better than what I was writing at that age, and I’m a good writer. It’s worthy of a T-shirt at Cafe Press, which I would probably buy.
As an editor, though, I would make one change. I would change the third line slightly to:
“Think. Without the air how would we live?”
That separates the two sentences and gives “Without the air…” the same structure as the following five lines.
