The Screw You Zone

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

No, it’s not another sex-related thread. Not yet, anyway. Knowing my Doper friends, it probably soon will be. But, for now, it’s not. Sorry to disappoint.

No, it’s a sneeze-related thread. I work with a lot of people younger than myself. I’m one of the “old guys” in the Engineering department, which is primarily populated with twenty- and thirty-somethings. Early thirty-somethings. But, that’s a different issue.

Anyway, one of the younger guys told me, recently, about the Screw You Zone. See, we work in a sealed office building. You know, the kind where the windows don’t open, and you rely on the HVAC system to endlessly recycle the air. And, the dust. Our particular building is over 125 years old. It wasn’t designed for HVAC. Apparently, the HVAC we have wasn’t designed for this building. They do not Play Well With Each Other.

The building, due to its age, and all the reconstruction, and the construction next door, constantly sheds dust. Large dust. You can see it falling. We also don’t have what you would call a highly efficient cleaning staff. Once in a while, you can tell they dusted, because the dust is now in rows of lumps, rather than a uniform layer.

The result, of course, is that we’re all sneezing. All the time. It sounds like a convention of priests, with all the “Bless You”'s flying around . It can get on one’s nerves, occasionally. So, anyway, my young colleague, who tends to be less diligent in participating in this chorus of blessings, one day explained it, thusly.

Everyone sneezes. Everyone is entitled to a certain number of non-sectarian blessings, per day, when they sneeze. While under the limit, one is considered to be in the Bless You Zone. Beyond that number lies the Screw You Zone. The magic number, it turns out, is three.

So, you’re entitled to be blessed the first three times you sneeze. Beyond that, you’re just looking for sympathy, so Screw You is the appropriate response. Or, so my young friend claims.

2

Davebear, as I read this, I was starting to wonder if you could be me. I work in an engineering group with a bunch of children in an ancient building (OK, 63 years old - it used to be the base chow hall) that has a mega-crappy HVAC system. We had to get the Industrial Hygenists in to test the black stuff that was falling from the vents to our desks. Most everyone in there has allergies. One man wears a mask.

The only difference is that we can open some of our windows. And they’re all single-pane, not-at-all insulated, let in all kinds of cold air in the winter (It does get below freezing here - really!) covered by dirty, mostly inoperative mini blinds. And the exterior is sided with asbestos siding - so when they finally have to bulldoze this place, it’ll be a major project.

We don’t say Screw You for sneezes, but we’re likely to say it for anything else.

I hate my job.

3

Well, I’ve never thought of myself as a sock puppet, but who knows? Can a sock puppet tell that they are one?

Yeah, I hate my job, too, a lot of the time. I just can’t figure out what else to do.

I wonder why no one else has had any comments on this, though. Too mundane? 72 reads; 1 comment. :rolleyes:

4

Well, it IS kinda hard to come up with an appropriate response. Here’s a sampler, but they’re all so inane:

Sorry you work in such a crappy place. Have you talked to OSHA about it?

I’m surprised you get three sneezes before you get into the Screw You Zone considering how often everyone there sneezes. Have you considered making a daily Blanket Absolution for the entire office so nobody has to say “Bless You” except for the one morning incantation?

Have you considered getting another job?

5

See, I disagree. I think this is an excellent response! :slight_smile: Humor is always good, and that’s exactly the kind of response I was hoping for. Thank you! :smiley:

6

/slight hijack

OK there’s a man who works in the cube cattycorner to mine. He wears a lot of Obsession for Men so I always know when he gets to work. And his sneezes are truly grostesque – they are very loud and very wet sounding. I don’t think he knows anything about covering his mouth when he sneezes.

Bleh.

/sligh hijack

7

You will have to make sure that the daily absolution is not done in an official way however or else you may create an uncomfortable environment for people of varying faiths. Might I suggest a daily Gesundheit to keep everyone out of court. :smiley:

Another question when particles are so large you can see them fall can it still be considered dust or should it be considered something else like debris?

8

I, too, work in a “sealed” building to protect our precious computers from the ravages of fresh air and the like. As a result, we’re all “allergic to work” on a regular basis. 300+ employees sneezing & coughing - it sounds like a TB ward in here half the time. A batch of us decided to say 1 blanket be-all-end-all Bless You first thing in the morning to get it over with.

My manager was standing at my desk during one of my prolonged sneezing fits and, when I finally finished, asked me what the problem was. I told him that the cleaning staff had apparently used a liberal amount of Carpet Fresh or some such stuff and the place smelled like a $5 whorehouse. He asked me how I knew what a $5 whorehouse smelled like, to which I replied, “Are you questioning my genealogy or my resume?” :smiley:

Shut him down completely. He just blinked twice & walked away. Hasn’t been able to look me in the eye for a week, now. :stuck_out_tongue:

9

HAAAAAAAAACHUU
HAAAAAAAAACHU
HAAAACHUUUUU

:frowning: I’m always in the “SCREW YOU STAGE”

soon i’ll be in the “BEAT YOU DOWN STAGE” from my cow-orker HiHorse

10

Davebear, is there any chance that you work in the old Waltham Watch Factory building? I used to work in that building years ago, and it was falling apart THEN. We would say “bless you” or “gesundheit” so often that it became seriously wacko. One especially illness-laden winter, one of my co-workers came up with this idea: she just rang a little silver bell that she kept on her desk whenever someone sneezed. Before long, lots of bells showed up the workplace. One fella even brought in a cow bell. After that, when someone sneezed, our work area sounded like a clock repair shop with all the alarms set for the same time.

11

Sounds like a nightmare… thank god I don’t work there, cos when I sneeze, I sneeze about 10 times in a row. I imagine they’d find my bruised and battered body somewhere eventually :stuck_out_tongue:

12

No, ** radar ralf**, I don’t work in the Waltham Watch Factory, although I’ve been in it, and you’re right. The building I work in is in downtown Boston. It’s pretty similar, though. They’ve put more work into making our building closer to office standards, but it doesn’t stop the dust.

I like the bell idea. I can see our gang going nuts with that. (Great people, mostly. It’s the job I hate.)

13

Mmm…Allergies. Dust. Funness.

My school was built (mostly) in the 60’s, so it’s relatively old. It was also built in a hill, so some levels are literally basement levels. My homeroom is in one such level. The windows are right at ground level. These basement wings collect dust, mold, pollen, all those fun things.

My homeroom is in one such wing. The other day, they’d cut the grass for the first time in several months for the first time. It was warm, so the windows were open. It had rained the night before, thus, the entire basement wing was very damp and mold spores were thriving. There are two non-foodstuffs I’m highly allergic too: mold spores and grass pollen. Oooh, this was fun.

I opened the stairway door, and was assaulted into a coughing/sneezing fit that died down in maybe a minute. My eyes, however, did not appreciate the allergens: by the time I got to homeroom, there were literally tears running down my face from my tortured eyes (and people wonder why I don’t wear contacts!) I mumbled something along the lines of “Snort cough choke sniffle” to my homeroom teacher and fled for my life. Then I went and sat in the nice air-conditioned, closed-windowed, allergen-free (kinda) nurses office until I could, y’know, breathe again.

Yeah, this was kinda a hijack, wasn’t it?

14

Wow, my first Officially Witty Post on SDMB! There’s a future for me her yet! :smiley:

Speaking of sneezes, at 4:30 this morning my husband managed to roll over and let loose a HUGE sneeze ALL over my defenseless, formerly sleeping body. Yuk. I did NOT say Gesundheit, for some reason!

15

I of course meant “here,” not “her.” Although there’s a future for her, too…

16

I’m super allergic to dust, so I guess I’d be constantly getting screwed…er…screw you’d.

17

Well, kinda. But, I don’t mind the hijack half as much as the fact that you made me feel really old. I’m older than your school. :frowning:

Ewww! And, I’ve noticed a few of your posts. You’re gonna do fine, here. :slight_smile:

Well, if we worked together, you’d be right on both counts! :wink:

18

I read this as Allergies. Dust. Funnies..

Rather (sort of) appropriate for this thread.

19

I hope it’s nice dust, Davebear, and not, I dunno, asbestos, or bat guano, or something nasty like that.

I do not have an expecially (typo - I started to change it but decided I liked the X, after all) dusty workplace, but it IS evil and horrid and altogether rotten (in the state of Denmark. Or Massachusetts. I forget.).

This thoroughy useless post has been brought to you by the letter % and the number &.

Love, Kn*ckers

20

If it’s any comfort, the stuff you can actually see the particles of is probably not what’s making everyone sneeze. It’s the smaller bits you can’t see doing that.

Nope, no comfort from that at all.

What about everyone sort of banding together and getting management to pay for 1) a good cleaning and 2) some industrial strength air filter/purifier thingies. Price it out and compare it to x amount of sick days taken by employees, or something like that. Need articles on employee preformance & workplace cleanliness/healthiness? I could send 'em on over…

Or, you can always threaten to request a worksite visit from OSHA, as Butrscotch suggests. Or maybe the EPA in this case. They always seem interested in toxic waste dumps.

Sorry for you, in all seriousness, though.