I’ll use that whopping 60 post differential as padding. That or the nine month differential. Cripes, my N factor is about the same as yours. Nonetheless, when a beautiful woman requests assistance, the chivalrous must attend.
Hey now, waitaminit, I thought it was oldscratch’s job to defend Nym’s honor? Or was that just a passing fad? And how the hell did Nen work his way into our elite clique? 
Three quick things:
-
Actually, by this math, I’m the oldest poster here: 22/0 approaches infinity. A possible workaround on this is to use the fact that I’ve been here, say, .5 months. This makes my N value…carry the two…how many miles in a liter?..94, which is still infinitesimal in this context.
-
Whoo-hoo! I’m a math problem! And my Calc III professor said I couldn’t hack it.
-
I’m still looking to be taken in. Pweeze? I’m not just a snot-nosed math punk!
Semi-shy (until I gets to know you, then LOOK OUT) MF, mid-thirties, mother of two, looking for mentor on the boards, as she is somewhat overwhelmed by the wit and ah, occasional vociferousness of the boards.
I can spell vociferous, and know what it means. I know the difference between the three kinds of rain (rein and reign) and use them properly in context - something spellcheckers don’t catch and neither, apparently, do most editors these days . . .
I’m definitely a source of mundane pointless trivia, I’ve even gotten to answer two General Questions (well, OK, one, the other had no definitive answer yet], a keen appreciation of wit and humor tending to the darker side (Edward Gorey, anyone?), and a dedicated bibliophile. The home library was up over 1,500 volumes last time we counted - mostly sci-fi & fantasy, with a smattering of reference books.(UncleBeer, you paying attention?)
Fond of boring my friends with long lectures giving more information than they ever wanted to know on a range of different subjects - I already know better than to do that here. Cites? What cites? I read it somewhere in the last year. Dunno where I read it . . .nnnnnoooooo, I don’t wanna look it up, not just now, we’re busy discussing it. Look, just trust me, OK? Really.
I’ll go over now and stand in line with Johnathan Chance, DynoSaur, Juniper200 and the rest, looking hopeful and adorable.
Tisiphone
T is for Titus
Who flew into bits.
or
The Yawfle stares, and stares, and stares,
and stares, and stares, and stares, and stares.
I’m with you on that one.
Oh man, can I just adopt them all? They all sound so charming! jumping up and down
-a rabid Edward Gorey fan at that, but also likes crows/ravens and dinosaurs
Hi!
I’m new. Don’t hurt me. I’m fragile and timid… and… and… quite frankly, you people scare me! <brandishes cross>
No mentor for me, either… I don’t think my butt cheeks are ready for any elaborate initiations!
Quick post while I contemplate how best to fulfill struuter’s requirements. I just couldn’t let a Gorey reference slide past. I love Gorey!
OK, that wasn’t very profound.
Hmmmmm…I think I’ll take Tisiphone.
Now what do I do with a newbie
Keith
Oboy,oboy,oboy, I’ve been adopted!!!
Thank you Odieman. Wow. Adopted by someone with connections. 
Gotta like that.
:breathlessly awaiting appropriate rite:
Tisiphone
Awww…you took the Edward Gorey-liking one! pouts
Oh well…let’s see…
whips out fishing pole and starts singing the Goldfish Crackers song
UncleBeer, it’s been brought to my attention (see page one) that I am no longer a newbie. 
So you can’t have me anyway. ::sigh::
Okay, who can I adopt then?
I lurked here for about a year before I registered, and I still post to about 1/100 of the threads I read, but I can be fun and interesting. Really!
[attempt at sucking up]
Ooh, ooh, Welfy, pick me, pick me! Pretty please? I’ve been reading all your posts (well, most of them anyway) , and I think you’re the coolest regular, and I’d be so honored if you’d be my mentor.
[/attempt]
I know I’m a newbie because I’ve been reg’d here for less than a month. Not that I really need a math problem to tell me that, but hey, I will have my newbie factor figured out!
And I found my previous NICK! Ophelia Unfortunately, I can’t recall what e-mail address I used to register and I have changed all e-mail addys since Ophelia was first reg’d. As Ophelia, I racked up 42 posts. Now my count is 64. So my total is a measly 106. 2 weeks existence as Ophelia and 2 weeks as Melp now, still puts me at one month. So…
106/1 + 1(100) = 206
Did I do that right? If I failed, does that mean I have a better chance of being adopted? Do I have to dress up pretty and smile a lot and do fun antics in order to attract Regs to want to adopt me? Do bribes work? I make a meeeean chesecake!
I see Welfy hasn’t picked anyone yet…hmm…
Pick Me! Pick Me! Pick Me!
You know, I somehow overlapped Silverfire mentioning she needs someone to torture…and I must say that I think SF is more my type of mentor {no offense Welfy} and Welf has more than enough beggers at her feet…
turns on her knees towards SilverFire
Okay, Melpomene, a few questions: Why do you think I should adopt you and why do you think I’m more your type, as far as mentors go? These are very important questions and your answers will help me make my decision.
Well, somebodies popular around here…
But alas it looks DynoSaur beat me to the punch. Nertz.
So ummm… if anybody else wants to mentor me… I’ll be over here.
Hey Omni are you still looking for a vict… er, newbie?
Hmmm, well, I still need to figure out which one(s) I want to choose. Maybe if you would say why you think I’d be a good mentor for you it would help me.
Ok. {deep breath}
I find that we gravitate towards the same threads, whether or not I have posted to them, I have read many of the threads that you have responded to.
I very often find myself cheering on the points you make or the opinions you give.
I find myself siding with enough of your posts to give me a sense of camaraderie, which makes me think that in areas of disagreement, teachings could be made from you to me.
I think Welfy is just more like me, period. So there wouldn’t be much for me to gain from a mentorship, although we could probably get along really well.
I like your sarcasm, your caustic wit, entwined with your ability to throw out the stinging one-liners and be light in humor as well.
You are one of the posters about whom I find myself saying aloud (at my desk while everyone gives me quizzical looks) “That’s just what I was thinking!” or “Damn! I wish I could have said it like that!” or “HeeHeeHee…{uncontrollable giggle here}…”
You seem to walk that line between people liking you and people disliking you for being able to make comments like “I miss those kids but, most of all, I miss shooting at them with my paintball gun.” without leaving smiley faces and not having anyone jump down your throat about you being a big (blue) meanie.
I admire these qualities. These are the things I wish to strive for as a Doper. And I like to think that we are a near-enough mindset that it would be beneficial for me in learning my place on thie board, how to post efficiently, get known and make friends while keeping some enemies on the side for fun. I also like to think that I am moldable to where I can be an even better reflection on you and your reputation around here.
Besides, you’re in tight with UncleBeer and he rocks! Anyone UB wants to have a threesome with has got to be pretty damn cool.
crosses fingers and waits
You’re just saying that, aren’t you? Okay, you’re in. Congratulations, you now have your very own Silver Fire. Now I just have to think of a good initiation. I hope I don’t keep you waiting too long.