“Hi, my roommate and her boyfriend are fighting, and he just slashed his wrist.”
For the sake of anonymity, I don’t want to give out many details. The last time something freaky involving this guy happened, I swore I’d just call downstairs next time. (We live in separate rooms with a common area, so I never see their fights, but I always hear them as the walls are paper-thin.)
The cops and paramedics showed up. They’re both physically OK; he only has a superficial cut on his wrist. They took him away in handcuffs.
Other than :eek:, I don’t know what to say. I’m in an all-night computer lab right now. I’ll give it a couple more hours before I go home.
Have you perhaps thought of non-communial living? Maybe it’s my “Only Child” upbringing, but I myself find that living alone in a marginal situation way more preferential to living comfortably in a group environment. I’d take a basement apartment or a one-room studio over a spacious group thing any day, even if it means sacrificing windows and cooking over a hot plate.
(Believe me, I have HAD IT with roommating, and I have HAD IT with dorms, and I’m getting an apartment BY MYSELF the second my lease here runs out, in May.)
I worry about the roommate, though. She’s already taken this guy back 2 or 3 times, and I really don’t think there’s anything I can do or say that will get her to realize what a hamster he is. He literally cries until he gets his way. It makes me cringe.
If I were you, I would choose some other animal to call him by. This is an insult to all hamsters. Considering the fact that they power this board, you probably don’t want to offend them.
I wouldn’t even go so far as to call it humor. From where I’m sitting, I would call it “a comment intended to lighten the mood of a stressed person, duly marked with smiley, by alluding to a humorous situation and making no remark on the cause of said stressful situation.”
It’s a bit wordy, but if such a thing has a technical name I’m sure some Doper knows it.
Pucky, it’s entirely possible that the guy wasn’t really suicidal; from what Dao posted, it seems as though the guy was mostly trying to manipulate his girlfriend. I’ve had it used on me before by my ex–it’s freakin’ evil. “Do what I want or I’ll kill myself!” Now, admittedly, anyone who’d do that would need help. But he’d also be acting like a manipulative jerk and would warrant at least a bit of humorous contempt (especially in a forum where he’d be unlikely to be).
Anyway, Dao, my sympathies. I’ve been in similar situations, and it ain’t fun. ::
Let’s see if I’ve got this right, Puky–you come down on monica and Fionn over a joke about a word choice (the joke was not about suicidal people, it just ignored that aspect of the OP).
Yet Rhum Runner advocates assisting a suicide attempt*, and you’ve got nothing to say about that?
Methinks you’re the one who qualifies for the label “fuckwit.”
*Yeah, I know it wasn’t seriously advocating helping folks off themselves, but I didn’t expect Puky to realize that.
You just never know. A friend of mine’s ex actually did finally kill himself.
It just sounds like a really messy situation. I’ve been caught in the middle of roomate relationships too, only this one involved supposed adults, with kids. Get out while you still have your own health, Dao. Good luck to you.
Pucky, I use humour a lot to help diffuse tension. While it may not always sound appropriate, it usually does it’s job. Sometimes a thing is so bad all you can do is laugh. It’s either that or curl up in a ball and howl. Cut a little slack, please?
I think that Pucky got upset because s/he thought that this guy was really suicidal–and, I agree, to make fun of someone with that problem isn’t funny.
But I agree with Angel–this guy ISN’T suicidal; he’s a manipulative little putz. I have a psycho sister-in-law who “commits suicide” whenever she doesn’t get her own way in anything. Panic ensuses, spineless brother promises anything if only she’ll PLEASE NOT DIE, then he finds out that she didn’t QUITE take all the pills that she said she did. Does he wise up? Hell, no. “Oh my God! She came so close! Next time she might really do it!” And as long as he dances to her tune, there WILL be a next time, and a next . . .
Seriously depressed persons inclined to suicide don’t make big dramatic scenes involving superficial razor cuts or not-quite-taken pills. They go off quietly somewhere where they can be alone and kill themselves. These sad people deserve our pity. Losers like my sister-in-law and Daowajan’s acquaintance deserve only contempt . . . including mine and Monica’s.
I work with victims of abuse all the time (and she is a victim at least of his manipulation, and I imagine much more). There probably is nothing you can say that will help, and it may make things worse. I would suggest just letting her know that you are there and will help if she needs you, but don’t go into your own opinion of this guy. She may appreciate it while she’s mad at him, but when they are lovey-dovey again either she’ll be mad at you for bad-mouthing him, or she’ll tell him about it.
That’s what makes domestic violence calls so dangerous for the police - they hate each other when we get there, but once we decide to arrest one of them the other decides to protect their mate. Then they both have someone to be mad at, together.
Actually, that’s not quite true (but a common enough misconception). A lot of people who commit suicide announce their intentions beforehand. Cite
[/psychology major nitpick]
Having said that from a strictly professional point of view I certainly agree with some of the other posters that this sounds more like emotional blackmail to me. I am sorry that you are stuck in a mess like that.
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