The sh** may be about to hit the fan in Astroworld!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I-go! (as they say here in Korea) Here’s the situation:

I have been dating Astrofiancee for about 5 years now. For the past 3 years or so we have been informally engaged (that is: we have been in agreement that we are perfect for each other, our flaws compliment each other’s, and we should get married and refuse to reproduce with each other in mutual respect for our heinous lameness…). For the past 6 or 7 months we have been formally engaged (I actually got on one knee, presented the ring, and asked for her hand in marriage… and spent the next 30 minutes convincing her that I was NOT kidding, and that the ring was real…).

And get this: her parents DON’T KNOW that she and I have been dating, or are engaged!:eek:

I’ll let you think about that for a moment, while I drink some beer…

OK?

OK.

This is NOT an unusual situation in Korean, I have had several students (Korean) who had boy/girlfriends (ALSO Korean) for many years (in one case, more than 8 years!), and the parents didn’t know… seems to be a cultural thing: as long as the kids are home by curfew time, Korean parents don’t give a damn where they were or who they were with! (Maybe I’m wrong here… I will grant that my perspective is currently skewed by a bit of panic…)Take note here: her aunt knows we have been dating for years, her cousin (who lives in Toronto) knows that we have been dating for years… only her immediate family does not know! Why? I wish I knew!!! Koreans are WEIRD! In my family, if I was dating a foreigner (keeping in mind that my family is VERY open and liberal-minded), and an aunt or cousin found out, the whole tribe would know within two or three days!

The first year, I didn’t much care… Astrofiancee and I weren’t yet sure about the permanancy of the union, after all… but MY (American) family knew all about her! Indeed, I believe that they sacrificed some goats and assorted cattle in thanks that I had found someone…

The second year, I began to get a little antsy. Astrofiancee and I were much more serious, and I wanted to meet the family! She said that her parents were WAY anti-foreigner, and that we should wait… I said, “OK”…

The third year, I got even more antsy! This was definitely the woman that I was meant to spend the rest of my life worshiping (and spend the rest of my life avoiding slaps as I try to remove her clothing, but that’s a different issue…). I pushed her to tell her family about us, knowing that there was bound to be a big fight. But what the hell? The absolute worst thing that could happen is that they disown her, and throw her out of the house; in which case she moves in with me, and slowly works to repair the bridges with her family! And c’mon, how likely is it that they will do that? Not very likely, I think! Astrofiancee tells me to trust her… she knows her parents, and will handle it when the time is right…

The fourth and fifth year I give up, and trust her. She knows her parents, I don’t… ‘OK, tell them when you think the time is right, and until then we’ll deal…’
Now, I have told Astrofiancee (since we first got serious 3 or 4 years ago) that I refuse to get married without first telling her parents. IMO that would be a really shitty thing to do to them! She wants to just run away, get married and THEN call her parents and say, “Hey! Guess what! I married an American guy!” I have flat-out refused this idea.

So, the stalemate: I want her to tell her parents (there will be a big fight, possibly they will throw her out, in which case she moves in with me, we get married, and eventually they forgive her…). She wants to run away and get married (in which case there will be a big fight, they WANT to throw her out but she’s already gone, and they may never forgive her).

My case: it’s ME!!! Everyone loves me (true! I’m a hell of a nice guy!). Eventually I can win them over, I have absolutely NO doubt on this…

Her case: her parents are hardcore, unchangeable racists. No good can come of telling them before we are ready to simply skip off to the states to get married. (ignore, please, the fact that we CANNOT just skip off to the US… there are immigration issues here, which she has conveniently ignored…but I have not!)

So, we are stymied…

Now, today, a change… Astrofiancee is going off to Guam for a few days with a friend (a Canadian-Korean woman)… and she calls me before heading to the airport. She says that her mom is suspicious! Her mom asked if she is dating a foreigner!! Why? We don’t know now… but mom insists on calling Astrofiancee’s friend to confirm that she’s going to Guam with a Korean (ignore the fact that the friend is a CANADIAN who’s parents happen to be Korean… the mysteries of the Asian mind…), and not a foreign-devil boyfriend!

So, Mom is (fucking FINALLY!) suspicious! About friggin’ time, I think! I was beginning to think that Mom must be brain-dead not to have noticed that for the past five years her daughter has been dating… but maybe that’s my cultural predjudice showing…

How much does Mom know/suspect? We won’t know until Friday, when Astrofiancee comes back from Guam…

But I think the shit is about to hit the fan!

Part of me is afraid right now, and part of me is glad (I want to just friggin get it over with! Have the fight with the parents, and find out what happens…)

Wish me luck, and send me good vibes, please!

sigh I’m 35, Astrofiancee is 29! Do we NEED this high-school BS???

2

Astro, wish I could help you, but I still haven’t figured out how to handle my own Korean Mother. :frowning:

And oh boy, is my Oma mad at me right now! Loooong ass story and I don’t want to hijack her thread.

BTW, I actually did run off and get married without telling my parents first. After the first 2 or 3 years, they got over it…

I do understand exactly what Astrofiancee is going through, and you’re right it’s a very, very Korean thing. And I know what YOU are going through, because despite KimcheeMama, I am as American as can be.

I’m just rambling on here, I really have no advice, just sympathy. These cross-cultural relationships can be hell.

{{{{Astro & Fiancee}}}}}

3

At the very least, Astroboy14, whenever you do meet her 'rents, put on some pants first.

4

tater, any input you have into the issue would NOT be a hijack! (IE: tell me the story! Why are you in trouble with your Oma?? May not be germane to the OP, but it’s MY thread!!)

As for running off and getting married: I’d hate to do this… as I said before, I think it’d be a shitty thing to do to her parents (maybe, again, that’s my cultural prejudice showing…), but I’m willing to do it if necessary!

I just don’t think it’s necessary… the worst her parents can do is throw her out… in which case she moves in with me!

By telling them beforehand, at least we have given them the opportunity of participating in the wedding…

BTW, tater, any news on moving to Seoul?

5

Fiver!!! Ahh! AHHHHHH! ARRRGHHHHH!!!

*Astroboy smashes his head against all of the walls, and then the floor, and then leaps to smash his head against the ceiling!!!

I am wearing PANTS in that picture!! I SWEAR it!!!

*Oh God! Don’t let Astrofiancee’s parents see that picture! I got enough trouble!

6

Astro,

Just wanted to add my thoughts.
I too have been involved in a number of cross cultural relationships (Indeed I have never been with one of my fellow countrywomen) and myself married a foreignier (granted Nordic v Irish aint a huge difference but it still raises issues)…and generally speaking I have been well recieved (I’m a nice guy too …ask anyone). I did have an incredibly painful experience in Japan though where I was considered as existing on a lower rung on the evolutionary ladder that the people who loved the person I loved.

But I have also been on the other side. Years ago I dated a delightful young thing. My folks didnt approve at all. It wasnt a racist issue but rather one of class bigotry (the fact she was english didnt help granted). They point blank refused to accept that their son would choose someone of “her ilk”. Worse still that we were becoming serious about each other. They refused to meet her and wouldnt talk about her. Total denial.

The reason I tell you this is because the one thing you dont really explore in your post is how AF might feel about all this. For me it was a tortuous experience. How can you not insult someone in a situation like this? How do you explain?

I told her that it was a generational problem and that they were entrenched in the views held by a society that was all about begrudgery and intolerance. They had worked hard to achieve their status and their values had become somewhat warped.

Needless to say I couldnt adequately explain something I neither felt nor understood but it caused quite a rift between us. She had a hard time understanding how I could tolerate this and why I wouldnt simply cut them off. I felt as though I was in some way party to the assault on her self esteem. It made for bad feelings all round and I confronted my folks a number of times only to be beached on the bulwark of their staunchly held snobbishness.

I was embarrased , ashamed , furious and frustrated in varying degrees and the rift became a gulf. A new rift developed between my parents and myself as a result of all this which has yet to heal.

My parents would pride themselves on their tolerant attitudes but it easily falls appart to reveal something much nastier when tested.

I’m getting off the point.

AstroFiance
(who by the way surely deserves another title as she may not be defined by her relationship with your goodself)

is going to be feeling some of these things. Indeed greatly magnified as my situation in no way equates with yours. Spare a thought for how difficult it must be for her and imagine what you might do if your parents were not enamoured of asians.

I’ve read many of your posts and it seems that the two of you have a strength in your relationship that is deserving of envy. There is no question that something like this will come between you judging by the way you talk about her. I wish I had something constructive to advise you to do. Be the best you can be and continue to make your fiance happy, protect,support and love her. That’s as much as a family can expect from an ideal “son in-law” .If her family requires more then well frankly…Fuck 'em.

One final pont:
You said a telling thing in that AF is the one who knows them and thats so very true. Defer to her in respect of future dealings with her family.

One Final final point:
This is never a judgement against you. the fact that you might be considered “unsuitable” says far far more about them that you.

Hope it works out

7

Astro, can’t tell you the whole story of why TaterOma is on a rampage (in fact I gotta face her sometime later today :eek: ) because that would take too long.

Sigh. If Astrofinancee’s mother is anything like mine, it would be easier to present her with a fait accompli (sp?) than to try and win her over first. Like Damhna said, she knows her parents and have dealt with them for far longer than you have.

Um…maybe it would help if I sent over a pack of my pics from birth to age 26 and y’all could show them to the parents and say “Look how cuuuuutttteee the grandkids would be if your daughter marries EvilWhiteGuy”. :wink:

If I think of more, I’ll post tomorrow. And I’ll email you tomorrow, too. :smiley:

Big hugs again!

8

FWIW I had a similar problem with my wife’s parents. They’re Thai and I’m as plain-vanilla an American as it’s possible to be. They referred to me as “the felang” (Westerner) for about a year after we got married. Their disappointment in their daughter was crystal clear the first time she brought me home.
As in your own case, my parents (while not overjoyed) had a reasonable attitude while hers were at best extremely formal.
She finally announced to her parents that we WERE going to get married and asked if they would like to attend the wedding. They came to the wedding, begrudging and unwilling, but they came.
OK, fast forward 16 years. We now have a 13YO daughter and my parents-in-law are the warmest and most welcoming people I know. I think that what really tipped the scales was our daughter, I don’t think there is a parent made that can resist a grandchild.

I hope this works out for you as well as it did me.

Regards.

Testy.

9

Thanks for the input guys!

I have nothing new to report today (and indeed won’t have 'till Astrofiancee come back from Guam on Friday), but when I have more news, I’ll let you know…

Damhna, I don’t take it as a personal insult at all. I know Koreans pretty well by now, and they have their faults (as does everyone, 'cept me, of course!:smiley: ), but it’s simply short-sightedness on their part.

tater, good luck with the Oma!!

testy, nice to meet you too!

Ah, well…

Off to work!

10

I might be talking out of my ass here, since the only Korean I really know is TaterOma, bless her taterabusing soul. It does seem to me that Astrogirl’s relationship to her parents is very similar to mine, though, so perhaps my insights can help.

Poor Astrogirl has gotten herself into quite a pickle here, hasn’t she? I can totally relate, because this is what happens when you have a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” relationship with the parents. I’m not sure if this is a Korean thing or not, but I know that in my relationship with my mother the avoidance of any sort of direct confrontation or defiance is more important than open communication. As long as I put on the outward appearance of being obediant and submissive, I can do pretty much whatever I want without permanently damaging the Mother-Daughter relationship.

For example, with this latest “thing” I’m doing that TaterOma is so upset about. We’ll never really talk about it, I’ll go ahead and do this “thing” I’m planning on doing, there will be a period of awkwardness and eventually we’ll both get over it.

OTOH, if I tried to get her blessing beforehand, she would have to tell me “NO” and I would have to say “Too bad, I’m doing it anyway”. Doesn’t seem like that would be such a bad thing, or really even any different that what is going to happen, but somehow it is.

Sooooo…to get this back to y’all, eloping, if that is what you plan on doing, probably wouldn’t have the same negative effect on AstroGirl’s family relationship as you might imagine.

Ideally, if her mother confronts her about a “foreign boyfriend”, AstroGirl should go ahead and spill the beans and give them the chance to accept you and attend the wedding. However, I can fully understand how and why she couldn’t…and if she can’t, go ahead, get married be happy and either they’ll accept you or they won’t, which is exactly the same thing that would happen if she did tell.

Does any of this make sense? And if it makes AstroGirl feel any better, tell her that she can give AstroGirlOma TaterOma’s phone number so they can yak about their naughty naughty daughters together and be too busy to bother us. :smiley:

11

Actually, tater, you may have hit the nail on the head! A large part of Korean culture is the concept of keeping good “kibun” (how to translate that… maybe something along the lines of “good feelings/no loss of face/avoidance of conflict”…). Koreans are the masters of avoiding the truth if the truth is not a happy happy goodtime thing.

Examples: I had my computer upgraded here by a Korean computer store (BIG mistake! I’ll do it myself next time, now that I know what I’m doing! That’s another story, tho…). The guy told me what they’d install, etc. I (with my western directness) asked, “How much?” He looked me in the face, and said, “But anyways, we’ll put in the new hard drive…” I practically had to wrestle the price out of him!

At a teacher’s meeting, the Korean chairwoman said, “About our attendance policy (a topic of much debate, as we westerners wanted some HARD RULES that we could enforce, and feel that the university would back us on), our departmental policy is that 6 absences will result in a failing grade. (surprised mutters of approval from the foreigners) Unless you want to do something different.”

So, this “kibun” thing may very well explain Astrogirl’s (formerly know as Astrofiancee) reluctance to tell her parents… a confrontation would result in a lot of bad “kibun” indeed!!

Well, Astrogirl gets back from Guam in 2 days (aside: drool! I LOVE tan-lines!) and we’ll know then what her Mom knows/suspects, and what she’s gonna do about it!

12

Astroboy, I’m a bit late into this discussion but feel like I should share some of my experiences with you, since I’ve gone through many of the same things you’re going through now.

For the purposes of the SDMB, I will refer to my significant other as SES. We started as friends, went through a brief period of obligatory melodrama, and eventually decided that we were in fact in love.

I met her parents for the first time during the chusok holiday. I was invited to their home for the big family dinner. They didn’t know anything about my relationship with their daughter at the time… We ate lots of pajun, played some board games, and generally had a good (though for me spine-chillingly stressful) time.

When SES told her parents about me a year later, things didn’t go exactly as planned. She told her mother that she’d been dating me for a year in the middle of a heated argument on an unrelated subject… despite anything you may have heard about Koreans and “gibun”, let me assure you that the S family can fight amongst themselves like cinematic Italians.

The next weekend I got ready to go to her house and make my formal presentation to her parents. SES called home to tell her folks we were coming… her mother told us that her father wasn’t in a good mood, and had threatened to pound the crap out of me if I so much as approached their house. SES reassured me by telling me stories of other young Korean couples, each far more horrifying than the situation I was now in. Apparently parents in Korea, or at least in Ulsan, think it is their duty to inflict hell upon the romantic interests of their daughters. The fact that I’m a foreigner was only one of many, many things that her parents could hold against me.

Despite the threats, we went to her home, prepared for the worst. I walked inside, did my best traditional bow for her mother, and sat down on the mat. When her mother sat down too, I said in my best Korean “please allow me to marry your daughter.”

That’s when SES’s mom started crying.

Up until that point, she had been trying desperately to deny what SES had said to her, but now here it was in her living room and she had to face up to it.

Nowadays, my relationship with the parents is pretty good. They aren’t entirely happy with me as a match for their daughter, but they have more or less accepted it. Actually, I think her father likes me. I posed with him in his birthday photo this past year (FWIW, we learned later that he didn’t actually threaten to beat me up; SES’s mom made that up). I go to most of the family events, I try to communicate with them as much as I can, and the eldest brother in the S family has said that he approves of our eventual marriage.

Last year my parents came to Korea for Jeff and Kim’s wedding. Jeff and Kim are two other teachers at my school who are also from Newfoundland. Since their parents were flying over, my parents joined them. My mother met SES’s mother at the wedding. SES and I hope to get married ourselves sometime next year… in 2002 the World Cup will be held in Korea, and she suggested that we bill our wedding as “The World Couple”.

I have truly found my soul-mate.

Anyhow, it’s good that you mention that you’ve proposed to Astrogirl, since I had to promise that I would propose to SES sometime before we get married. That may sound strange, but two friends of ours (Heejung and what’s-his-face… um, I guess the previous line should read “a friend of ours and her boyfriend”) recently got married… they discussed marriage, they made plans for a wedding, and eventually they got married before what’s-his-face had a chance to officially get down on one knee and propose properly. Everytime they have an argument this is the first thing that gets thrown in his face…

I hope some of this material is helpful, and if not I at least hope that it’s passably entertaining. btw, shouldn’t your Korean name be Atom? :slight_smile:

13

Astroboy, I’m a bit late into this discussion but feel like I should share some of my experiences with you, since I’ve gone through many of the same things you’re going through now.

For the purposes of the SDMB, I will refer to my significant other as SES. We started as friends, went through a brief period of obligatory melodrama, and eventually decided that we were in fact in love.

I met her parents for the first time during the chusok holiday. I was invited to their home for the big family dinner. They didn’t know anything about my relationship with their daughter at the time… We ate lots of pajun, played some board games, and generally had a good (though for me spine-chillingly stressful) time.

When SES told her parents about me a year later, things didn’t go exactly as planned. She told her mother that she’d been dating me for a year in the middle of a heated argument on an unrelated subject… despite anything you may have heard about Koreans and “gibun”, let me assure you that the S family can fight amongst themselves like cinematic Italians.

The next weekend I got ready to go to her house and make my formal presentation to her parents. SES called home to tell her folks we were coming… her mother told us that her father wasn’t in a good mood, and had threatened to pound the crap out of me if I so much as approached their house. SES reassured me by telling me stories of other young Korean couples, each far more horrifying than the situation I was now in. Apparently parents in Korea, or at least in Ulsan, think it is their duty to inflict hell upon the romantic interests of their daughters. The fact that I’m a foreigner was only one of many, many things that her parents could hold against me.

Despite the threats, we went to her home, prepared for the worst. I walked inside, did my best traditional bow for her mother, and sat down on the mat. When her mother sat down too, I said in my best Korean “please allow me to marry your daughter.”

That’s when SES’s mom started crying.

Up until that point, she had been trying desperately to deny what SES had said to her, but now here it was in her living room and she had to face up to it.

Nowadays, my relationship with the parents is pretty good. They aren’t entirely happy with me as a match for their daughter, but they have more or less accepted it. Actually, I think her father likes me. I posed with him in his birthday photo this past year (FWIW, we learned later that he didn’t actually threaten to beat me up; SES’s mom made that up). I go to most of the family events, I try to communicate with them as much as I can, and the eldest brother in the S family has said that he approves of our eventual marriage.

Last year my parents came to Korea for Jeff and Kim’s wedding. Jeff and Kim are two other teachers at my school who are also from Newfoundland. Since their parents were flying over, my parents joined them. My mother met SES’s mother at the wedding. SES and I hope to get married ourselves sometime next year… in 2002 the World Cup will be held in Korea, and she suggested that we bill our wedding as “The World Couple”.

I have truly found my soul-mate.

Anyhow, it’s good that you mention that you’ve proposed to Astrogirl, since I had to promise that I would propose to SES sometime before we get married. That may sound strange, but two friends of ours (Heejung and what’s-his-face… um, I guess the previous line should read “a friend of ours and her boyfriend”) recently got married… they discussed marriage, they made plans for a wedding, and eventually they got married before what’s-his-face had a chance to officially get down on one knee and propose properly. Everytime they have an argument this is the first thing that gets thrown in his face…

I hope some of this material is helpful, and if not I at least hope that it’s passably entertaining. btw, shouldn’t your Korean name be Atom? :slight_smile:

14

Astroboy, I’m a bit late into this discussion but feel like I should share some of my experiences with you, since I’ve gone through many of the same things you’re going through now.

For the purposes of the SDMB, I will refer to my significant other as SES. We started as friends, went through a brief period of obligatory melodrama, and eventually decided that we were in fact in love.

I met her parents for the first time during the chusok holiday. I was invited to their home for the big family dinner. They didn’t know anything about my relationship with their daughter at the time… We ate lots of pajun, played some board games, and generally had a good (though for me spine-chillingly stressful) time.

When SES told her parents about me a year later, things didn’t go exactly as planned. She told her mother that she’d been dating me for a year in the middle of a heated argument on an unrelated subject… despite anything you may have heard about Koreans and “gibun”, let me assure you that the S family can fight amongst themselves like cinematic Italians.

The next weekend I got ready to go to her house and make my formal presentation to her parents. SES called home to tell her folks we were coming… her mother told us that her father wasn’t in a good mood, and had threatened to pound the crap out of me if I so much as approached their house. SES reassured me by telling me stories of other young Korean couples, each far more horrifying than the situation I was now in. Apparently parents in Korea, or at least in Ulsan, think it is their duty to inflict hell upon the romantic interests of their daughters. The fact that I’m a foreigner was only one of many, many things that her parents could hold against me.

Despite the threats, we went to her home, prepared for the worst. I walked inside, did my best traditional bow for her mother, and sat down on the mat. When her mother sat down too, I said in my best Korean “please allow me to marry your daughter.”

That’s when SES’s mom started crying.

Up until that point, she had been trying desperately to deny what SES had said to her, but now here it was in her living room and she had to face up to it.

Nowadays, my relationship with the parents is pretty good. They aren’t entirely happy with me as a match for their daughter, but they have more or less accepted it. Actually, I think her father likes me. I posed with him in his birthday photo this past year (FWIW, we learned later that he didn’t actually threaten to beat me up; SES’s mom made that up). I go to most of the family events, I try to communicate with them as much as I can, and the eldest brother in the S family has said that he approves of our eventual marriage.

Last year my parents came to Korea for Jeff and Kim’s wedding. Jeff and Kim are two other teachers at my school who are also from Newfoundland. Since their parents were flying over, my parents joined them. My mother met SES’s mother at the wedding. SES and I hope to get married ourselves sometime next year… in 2002 the World Cup will be held in Korea, and she suggested that we bill our wedding as “The World Couple”.

I have truly found my soul-mate.

Anyhow, it’s good that you mention that you’ve proposed to Astrogirl, since I had to promise that I would propose to SES sometime before we get married. That may sound strange, but two friends of ours (Heejung and what’s-his-face… um, I guess the previous line should read “a friend of ours and her boyfriend”) recently got married… they discussed marriage, they made plans for a wedding, and eventually they got married before what’s-his-face had a chance to officially get down on one knee and propose properly. Everytime they have an argument this is the first thing that gets thrown in his face…

I hope some of this material is helpful, and if not I at least hope that it’s passably entertaining. btw, shouldn’t your Korean name be Atom? :slight_smile:

15

Hey, Pyrrho12! Sounds like you were in a similar situation as me (3 times, even! :stuck_out_tongue: )!

Yeah, I know… “kibun” doesn’t keep Koreans from arguing like motherf*****s… I haven’t figured this out yet! There are a lot of things about Koreans that I will never figure out! But, Damn! They do make women good!! :slight_smile:

I’m not too worried about her father beating me up… I’m 6’4", and weigh about 300 lbs. (not all fat, but a good portion!). I think I can take pretty much any Korean father, should it come to that! But I’m sure that it won’t…

I think when Astrogirl gets the nerve to tell her parents, it will go very much like your story… there may be a big fight, but the 'rents will get over it eventually, and they will like me! (as I said, I’m a helluva guy! Ask anyone!).

Two more days until Astrogirl comes back from her vacation in Guam… and then we’ll find out what mama knows or suspects… and then we’ll see! What’s life without a little crisis to keep you on your toes?

RE: SES: (for those in the real world) they are a pop group of three Korean women… I actually wrote them an e-mail asking what SES meant, and offering my assistance with their English lyrics… but I got no response…

Umm… why? Am I missing something? (I’ve been in Korea for 5 years, but almost everyday I learn something new! Have I missed something here?) My Korean name, assigned by Astrogirl is “Kwang Young” (“Bright Dragon”… at least she didn’t go with “Not-so-smart Dragon” :smiley: ).

16

Sorry I didn’t see this thread earlier, Astro.

Damn, I feel like I lucked out here. Mom-san has loved me from day one (after subgirl (Ms. Sub? Subchick? Shininglight? I need a name here) and I had been dating for a couple of weeks or so, I had to spend the night at their house because of bad weather. When Mom-san laid out the futons, she put mine in the guest room, then laid her daughter’s down right next to it!), but I can kinda understand the feeling. I used to date a woman who was hiding me from her parents, and it just didn’t work out. It felt too much like she was more interested in me as a way of rebelling than as a real boyfriend.

Anyway, about you two. Like others have said here, they’re her parents, and she probably knows best how they will react. Also, if there’s going to be a fight, you two will have to stick up for each other, and you probably don’t want Astrogirl to be PO’d at you for pushing her into a confrontation she didn’t want.

On the brighter side, you two seem to be solid enough to weather whatever her folks can throw at you. I think you’ll do ok whichever course you choose.

Good luck,

sublight.

17

Er, sorry about that. I sincerely hope that this post will make it through singularly…

Peaceful. Happy. Predictable. Maybe a bit boring. I teach kindergarden; I don’t need an extra daily dosage of crisis. :slight_smile:

Good luck with the parents. My advice would be to be as friendly and open with them as possible, even if they aren’t particularly friendly with you at first. Practice your bow… that might impress them, and in any event it’s whats expected of you during your first meeting. Be supportive of Astrogirl, and trust her. Be patient, since things probably won’t proceed as quickly as either of you would like.

Does AG have any sisters? Is she the oldest or the youngest in her family? I ask this because, according to SES and her friends, if a family has only one daughter they will be very protective of her. I guess that’s probably true outside of Korea as well… anyhow, there are a few questions you should be prepared to answer. Are you going to move to America? If AG is an only daughter, her parents may well be aghast at this possibility. What are your plans for the future, in terms of career, savings, etc? You said elsewhere that you don’t plan on having children… this may upset the parents. Plan a response.

Ooh! I can answer this one! SES is an acronym made from the names of the three singers: Shoo, Eugene, and Pada. Eugene is a pretty common girl’s name in Korea, but most people romanize it as “Youjin”. For the purposes of the acronym, Pada is translated into English… “Sea”. SES is also the initials of my significant other.

“Mighty Atom” is the name of Astroboy in the Korean translation of the cartoon. My apartment building just got Tooniverse and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been watching a lot of cartoons lately… keeps me up to date with what my students have been watching… yeah that’s it…

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Astrogirl has no sisters, but does have one older brother… whom, by all evidence, the parents tend to care more about (obviously my understanding of her family’s dynamics is based soley on second-hand accounts…).

As to our plans, we will, eventually, move back to the US: but probably not for a couple of years (I have started a business here with a partner, and I’m committed to that for a few years. If we are successful in the long-run, I can quit teaching and work on that from the states; it’s a web-based business, so I can do my work from pretty much anywhere if I have access to the internet). Our plans for the future are somewhat vague, and depend on what happens with the business, but include a return to school for both Astrogirl and I.

As far as saving go, all of my money is wrapped up in the business, but Astrogirl (bless her greedy little heart!) has quite a lot of money saved up, which is a good thing… (side issue: traditionally, Korean parents pay a dowery to the husband of their daughter. Astrogirl mentioned to me a few weeks ago that her mother had a large sum of money set aside for this (something on the order of $10,000). I looked at her and said, “Oh, great! So I’ll get some money out of the marriage!” She looked at me, and we both said, “Nope!” at the same time… got a good belly laugh out of that!:smiley: )

Re: the kids issue… I don’t want to have kids, but I’m not actively against the idea… plus I have been getting vibes lately that Astrogirl actually does want to have a baby or two! So although I’m not thrilled with the idea, I may well end up as Astropapa…

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I just talked to Astrogirl on the phone a minute ago. She’s back in Korea (had a great time in Guam, swimming, tanning, swimming, tanning, eating, drinking, etc.). She’s sleepy, so she’s going to bed and I won’t see her until tomorrow…

I asked her about her mom, and she says mom seems to be back to normal. So maybe our lives will return to normal (if you can define anything about this situation as “normal”…:wink: )

She told me that her mom is a “good guessing girl.”

5 years of us sneaking around, mom gets a bit suspicious (maybe), and she’s a “good guessing girl”? :confused: One thing I’ve learned here in Korea: sometimes you just have to accept, and not question. [valley girl] WhatEVer![/valley girl]

If there are any further developments, I’ll let y’all know!

Thanks again for the support!

20

So the status quo is restored.

Us menfolk have something of a tendancy to get worked up about stuff when the wimmens are out of town. Too much time on our hands that we would normally spend performing the dutiful tasks of a dedicated lover.

Take note HG/AstroG/Astrofiance…don’t leave the poor guy alone so long again. He got so worked up he couldn’t even pee straight. :slight_smile: