The Single Life/How would you handle this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ll get the the question about opinions in a second. Some background is needed for this. I recently became single, I had dated this woman/girl for three years, broke up for three (she left me, had to find herself or something) and then got back together for a year. This time, I left her. She was a live in girlfriend, with me.

I started to get annoyed at certain behaviors, she was really messy, to the point i would have to do some mild cleaning every day, sometimes twice (sweeping, mopping, she spilled stuff daily, left fridge door open (forgot to close it), walks into the apartment with rain on her shoes after I just cleaned. Now I could deal with that but then she kept badgering me about my sleeping schedule, I like to stay up late and sleep in, I work nights. She also works nights, but she likes to get up early. My sleep habit has been this way for about 10 years, works just fine for me. She constantly would bring up how I don’t show feelings very much, I don’t like talking about the future (stuff that is years away, kids etc.) how because I have a low sexual desire she feels unattractive (sex is not the most important thing to me). Besides all of those annoyances, she would talk about guys her hit on her and how it bothered her (she works at a sports bar), I would tell her to quit, not to worry about it. But she stays and would complain all the time. Then she would complain about anything and everything, multiple times a day, about stuff that makes her unhappy (in general, not with me) then we would fight and she would say things like she thinks I’m a dick, I haven’t done anything with myself (decent job, one class away from my degree). It Got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore, and I feel as if I fell out of love with her, so I broke up with her and I even packed up her stuff and dropped it off. Now she won’t stop texting me and my family talking about how much she loves me, I told her how I feel and that I need to be alone and carry on my life without anyone else, with no holds barred, no constraint and focus on myself. She will not stop texting and it is making me feel guilt.

Sorry about the long background, on to the question. Dopers, in your humble opinions, did I make the incorrect choice or is she just trying to make me feel bad because she is still in love with me?
I already feel great living alone, doing what I want, when I want, It feels WONDERFUL! I’m sure pangs of lonliness will come in time for myself, but I’ll deal with it, the benefits outweigh it all.

Were my reasons legitimate? How would you dopers had handled this situation? I tried talking about it, didn’t change it, so it built to the point I couldn’t take it anymore.

Thanks. Looking forward to the responses.

2

You did the right thing. Block her number if it gets too much. Keep doing you.

3

You did the right thing, to my mind. She either doesn’t like change or hates rejection, but, from what you described the two of you aren’t a great match.

You’re already happier. Stay focussed on that!

Don’t be swayed and stick with, “I still think this is best for us both!”

Good Luck!

4

You’re getting a preview of how it will go if you get back together with her - more emotional manipulation, on top of the other problems you had with the relationship.

Everyone has had bad breakups; your family should understand what’s going on. You should block her number, and suggest your family do the same. You’ll be better able to move on without the constant emotional torture.

5

Does living single feel wonderful all the time, or is it because you’re not with this person anymore? Some people need lots of attention. I’ve lived with them. It can be good if you have boundaries and you can carve out time for your own peace and quiet, when no one is demanding your mental energy. If you can’t, it sucks.

Besides that there is some kind of sexual incompatibility, which is not insurmountable but does require communication to be sorted out. She has the right to prioritize sex and you have the right not to, but together, really, how was that supposed to work?

The fact that you feel great now says a lot, and I would trust your instincts.

6

It’s weird and sad, but sometimes, the results of a breakup do more than the real causes of the breakup to justify it.

You broke up with her for perfectly good reasons…and her behavior, since, is going a long, long way to show that you did the right thing.

7

Thanks everyone for the responses. I know that she is a genuinely good person and believe it or not, she doesn’t try to do these things, and she stops for a time when called out on it, no argument, no passive aggressive behavior etc, just genuinely apologizes and moves on, but it always comes back and I couldn’t take it. Shes not a psycho or something with her calls or anything else. I told her I could possibly be friends with her in the future, but not for a long time, and to take care off herself, in so many words (nicely) she said the same, but that she will always love me and I think it is a ploy for guilt though. Anyhow, thanks for the responses.

I just got in, knowing that I have no time limits, no worries, that I can take my time and do what I want, when I want to and I love it oh so much. I’m going to finish some classwork, eat terribly good (couldn’t have anything unhealthy around before, even if it is my apartment) watch some sci-fi movies and play Fallout 4… It feels great.

Thanks again for the responses and support.

8

And, of course…learn from the experience, so you’ll be able to sustain your next relationship more happily. Figure out your own shortcomings, so that your next girlfriend won’t decide to break up with you.

None of us are perfect, but we all should keep striving to improve.

(“He who stops being better stops being good.” Oliver Cromwell.)

(Not necessarily the best role-model; Cromwell stopped being good several different times.)

9

Some people are not good matches for each other. The sooner you recognize that and are able to move on, the happier you both will be in the long run.