IMHO, the girl was unnecessarily rude. Someone says “Hello?” and your response is to turn your back? Bitch.
I’m shocked at the people here who are defending a man who insisted on bothering a woman after she’d deliberately turned her back on him. This wasn’t initial contact, this was him invading her after she rejected him. How is that cool? Why does she owe him anything? Are you people that lonely? Join a bridge group!
She went to a relatively quiet, well-lit place that was supposed to be safe enough to read a book in peace, and someone still made her feel too uncomfortable to stay. That sucks.
Spectre of Pithecanthropus, to all the people saying he was just being neighborly, did he try to strike up a conversation with you? Did you two have an exchange of social normalties that could live on as an example for polite and warm society?
I’m shocked that you just made all that stuff up and assumed nobody would notice.
It was bitchy, but the sort of bitchiness that’s become almost obligatory if you want to go through your day without being hassled. I’m probably being an asshole when I ignore the wild-eyed, rat-haired guy who approaches me saying “sir? Excuse me, sir!” as I exit the turnstile from the train station, but I know from experience that there’s a much greater likelihood that he’s going to ask me for money than, say, directions to the nearest museum. Shame that things are that way, but that way are they.
I think that simply being in public means accepting a certain amount of risk that people might try to interact with you. And it’s not unreasonable to expect you to have to turn down an attempt at conversation.
Well, I got it from the OP.
Bolded for emphasis.
Except looking the other way and deliberately turning her back on him aren’t really the same thing, are they?
Why? She didn’t feel like talking and tried to get that point across with her body language but the man didn’t take the hint. Why should she sit there and feel uncomfortable? It doesn’t sound like the girl was being nasty about it, and if the OP read the situation right the dude was being creepy. Saying hello back to a guy that’s giving off sleazy vibes opens up the door for him to pester you.
Sometimes I’m in the mood to chit chat with strangers while standing in line or having coffee, sometimes I’d rather read or do the crossword or just zone out. I don’t think I owe anyone my time if I’m not in the mood to talk.
To be clear, she didn’t actually turn her back, but she did look the other way. It was unmistakable.
All that had happened was that he had asked the guy in the fourth easy chair for the sports section. But I was the only one the four easy chair occupants who was working on a notebook. It may be that someone working on a computer is perceived to busier, and hence a less likely prospect for a new acquaintance.
I think that idle chit-chat while standing in line in a public place is one of the minimal obligations of living in a human society. It is extremely stingy to behave as if having to respond to “Some weather, huh?” is unreasonable.
Man up and tell him. “I don’t feel like chatting right now. So sorry.” If he continues at that point, then get up and leave, or complain, or whatever.
Passive-aggressive shit doesn’t work, and body language - lots of people, especially men - can’t read body language.
Unless the chitchatter is giving off a creepy vibe, has been trying to make eye contact that you’re obviously avoiding, and isn’t reading your not very subtle body language.
In general, I agree with you, I like to talk to strangers. There are days or situations where I don’t want to though, and it doesn’t mean I’m a bitch.
Turning away and deliberately ignoring attempts at eye contact (as the OP said the girl was doing) is a pretty obvious “leave me alone” signal. Not that hard to decipher.
It’s not being a bitch not wanting to talk. It’s being a bitch expecting not to have to say “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like talking.”
You know, if all you want to do is read a book quietly, and some guy comes along (irrespective of age) and deliberately sits next to you, and smiles and tries to catch your eye (without doing the same for the man (Spectre) sitting in the same group of chairs) and then tries to initiate conversation (again, without doing the same for Spectre), don’t you think you would be reasonable in assuming that you’re not going to be left alone to read your book without being forced to be rude? Sometimes it’s just easier to walk away.
So I don’t think she has a particularly thin skin, and I do sort of understand **Spectre’s **anger on her behalf, although I think it might be a bit of an overreaction.
Television and the internet ruined people’s social skills.
Walk my old neighborhood in Brooklyn 50 years ago and you would find it pulsing with conversation and activity(Italian neighborhood, but it was the same in most other neighborhoods). These days, even in New York(especially in New York, even) you don’t see this anymore, or at least I don’t. Instead you encounter fools with social paralysis from a simple conversation in a store or at the park.
I’m just the old and loud New Yorker with a con man’s charm down here. Makes me sad.
And frankly, its more polite to walk away if the response to “I’m reading my book” turns out to be “Are you happy being a big fucking bitch?”
I read the OP as she wasn’t standing in line - she was sitting in an easy chair at Starbucks reading a book. Now, it might be polite to respond to idle chitchat in line, but polite people know that an open book is a sign for “I’m not interested in engaging in polite chitchat.” So for everyone saying “she was being impolite for not responding” - if her book was indeed open, he broke the rules of society first.
Why does it need to be said if there are obvious “leave me alone” signals? Someone who’s being rude enough to ignore those signals is likely to ignore a verbal “leave me alone” too.
Dude in Starbucks: trying to make eye contact with girl sitting across from him
Girl: turning head away
DIS: “Hello, how are you today?”
Girl: “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like talking”
DIS: “Why are you being such a bitch? I was just saying hello!”
It’s honestly easier to ignore him completely or get up and leave if you’re getting that sort of vibe.
Yeah. I don’t think the guy was a total creep (well, maybe he was, but I wasn’t there)–maybe a bit clueless, it’s hard to tell. I don’t think she was a bitch either. Sometimes people are obnoxious and you just ignore them–not really pit worthy. If I’m getting the vibe of an obvious pick up line or angle (or panhandling) and I’m just not interested, I just kind of filter it out and don’t bother responding.
It reminds me of the time I was sitting on a bench and reading and some guy sat down and tried to engage me in conversation, and I kind of snubbed him and sort of gave brusque, monotone answers. Then he yelled at me saying, “Why are all white people so damned stupid,” which was funny since I’m not white.
I’m the sort of person, who will give a nod or say “hello”. It’s just a simple pointless courtesy. It’s a lot better than screaming “Get the ^#%$ outta my way”, isn’t it?
No, I’m not picking you up. No, I am not stalking you or drooling. It’s just a simple acknowledgement. You can nod, say “hello”, or just keep doing whatever you were doing. I don’t care. I’ll never see you again, and it doesn’t matter.
But he wasn’t “you’re such a bitch!” All she had to do was smile, nod, and THEN go back to her book. IF he continued, THEN you get rude. Duh.