In reading this thread, I was reminded of the stupidest thing I ever stole or “The Stool Incident” as it will forever be called by all who bared witness!
Place: Small Bar in Downtown Toronto, which will remain “The Clintons” 
Item: A 3 1/2 ft. tall Bar Stool (It was broken… sort of)
How: Well, you may recall from earlier in this post that the stool was “sort of” broken, don’t bother scrolling all the way back up there, just trust me, I said it. Anyways, the brokenness was more than likely just a stupid thing people do sometimes. That is, removing the screws from things which are not fastened down very well. It happened, by chance, that this particular bar stool had had all of the screws removed from the cushion such that when you sat on it you quite quickly slipped off!
Upset that such a cruel trick had been played on me, I immediately set it back up so that one of my friends could fall on his ass too! (I’m a good friend, what can I say?) Anyways, I’m a little off topic… oh yes, later on, after much alcohol consumption we decided to take the cushion home with us. No reason, it was just fun to try and conceal it in my jacket. The cushion is a little over a foot in diameter. As you might imagine, it wasn’t such a clever plan. My “concealment” merely made it appear that I had a man hole cover under my coat.
Well, we all laughed and thought “no way that is just stupid and obvious, well never make it out”
dramatic pause
“Hey, let’s take the whole stool!” :rolleyes:
We would need a distraction however and I wasn’t the type to create such public disturbances. My friend, who will remain “Paul” (Names un-changed to convict the guilty) said he had an idea, and that he would handle it. Great, I love when a plan comes together!
So we moved the stool near the door and I sat on it. Paul then walked up to a nearby waitress and, quite obviously, grabbed her bum… Wait for it… Right in front of the door bouncer! :eek: This, as you might imagine was followed by the 350lb. bouncer leaving his post to manhandle my friend! Shocked as I was, I was able to gain my composure and make for the, now unguarded, doorway!
Home free! I was soon running down the street towards my friends van, stool in hand! (Hmmm, that doesn’t sound quite right…)
I will admit that Paul, and not I, took the greater risk in our plan, however I got to keep the stool, and he got some nice bruising as a keepsake instead!
I got the stool home and realized that without a bar, the stool is quite useless! (It’s none to comfortable to be perched on high like that with nothing to lean on!)
As I did not have a bar, and felt that my criminal genius was not great enough to walk off with the whole bar at the Clintons, I took a hacksaw and shortened the legs!
Consequence: I have a nice bar stool in my room for when guests come over and I don’t want to give up my nice cushy chair! (Sorry about the quality of the above picture, when I remembered having this photo, I honestly thought you could make out the bar stool better!)
The only thing Ive ever stolen from a bar was a candle and a spoon. Not quite as exciting 