The Straight Dope Flirt Academy

As some may remember, I ran a Flirt Academy here about two years ago. I’ve been told by some that there is need for such a thing again, and I should revive it. Always up for a challenge, I decided to open the doors again.

For those interested, here is the original thread.

I am Professor TruePisces, and I am here to teach those willing the finer arts of flirting. Much as in the original thread, I’m here to answer your questions, and for myself, and guest instructors, to give those in need a little practice in a safe place.

So come one, come all. The doors are open, seating is limited, and I’m ready to assist where need is greatest.

[sub]Just please keep in mind, flirting is only flirting. That means no going over the lines into behavior not appropriate for a board read by a variety of ages.[/sub]

leers at TruePisces


licks lips

Hmmm… some women don’t mind a leering start, but that’s usually not a safe bet to start with. The lip licking, though… that’s not a bad start. If you want to go with completely non-verbal conversation, though, a wink is always a good place to start. :wink:

*::walks over to TruePisces::

::nochilantly puts Porsche keys on table::

::says “Hey babe, I’m a pisces too. How about me and you go for a swim?”::*

(I really am a pisces, by the way!)

“Hi.” :slight_smile:

blinks, trying to think of something to say

short awkward pause

“Um, I’m Christoffer, how you doing?”


::gets wide eyed::

::begins to make irrelevant comments and over-the-top opinions that I cannot back up::

::realizes she’s stupid, waits for everyone to leave, and reminds self that she has no business speaking aloud::

Professor TruePisces!

I’m so glad you started this thread! I do not know how to flirt. My flirting skills are so terrible that I have completely missed people flirting with me. (Kind people have let me know about the flirting afterwords. It just seemed like a nice chat to me!)

Please help this clueless girl.

Naive in Michigan

Professor TruePisces, I would love to enroll in this course. However, my flirting skills are extraordinarily deficient. For this reason, I must request enrollment in a course more basic than Flirting 101. I do sincerely wish to increase my skills, and I promise to get private tutors, as many as necessary!

I’ll take all the advice I can get.

Professor TruePisces, I’m a Pisces, too! (Actually, I’m an identical twin so there’s another one, plus my Mom is a Pisces as well.)

Okay, I haven’t had a girlfriend in … 9 years. No, that’s not a typo. Nine years.

I have no idea how to flirt. My confidence is pretty low but a couple of things in the past two months has helped: regular exercise (my BMI is perfect) and I got a promotion at work which I’ll start next week.

How do I flirt? Where should I do it? (As a side note, I go to the grocery store several times a week, a bookstore a couple of times a week, the gym, etc. But I’ve never, ever, ever met anyone in those places. I don’t even know if those are good places or not.)

Any help is appreciated (heck, I’ll probably get a laugh at the spam, too! :slight_smile: )

Please sign me up for the first course as well. I’ve been so hopeless at flirting, I can’t even participate in “SDMB Flirting Threads,” and how hopeless is that?

Sometimes I think women might be flirting with me, and I long to respond. But the consequences of my being mistaken might mean dismissal from my job, a civil lawsuit, or imprisonment.

How do I get over my fears and go for the gold?

Dear Professor TruePisces:
I would like to re-enlist in The Flirting Boot-Camp. I washed out of the last one, but I’ve been Making My Life Better: I’ve been working out and I got a decent apartment and I 'm researching a new career. Other than that, as far as flirting-skill goes, I pretty much sound like the previous five posters in this thread: I need the basics, not the finer arts.

So… a question… does it help to be bilingual? :slight_smile:

:: walks into room ::

:: turns to look at ** TruePisces ** ::

Hey, ba ----

:: walks into wall, falls down ::

Hmm, this isn’t good. Do you have any tips to help me out?

As I look at all the shiny happy people around me, I get the feeling knowing how to flirt will get further than knowing how to contrast Chaucer’s Clerk and Squire.

::Tosses his english lit book away::

I need help Prof.

I can flirt!

Just- not on purpose, and when I do there always tend to be ridiculous complications.

Hi there Professor.
Does this Academy have a dodge ball team?

And, are you really a Professor?

I’d like you to show me your…er…credentials, please.

“Date me or I’ll cut you” always seems to work for me.

is this like the learning annex? I would very much like to learn how to flirt … will battering eyelashes work?

Told you, didn’t I, TP? :wink:

So, how YOU doin’?

(The person you are about to hear is NOT a paid actor, he is an actual graduate of this esteemed Flirt Academy).

Hi, my name is UncleBill, and I was once just like you. Nervous, stumbling, spastic, drooling. Then I took the TruePisces Straight Dope Flirt Academy, and it changed my life. I am now a contributing member of society, can walk and chew gum, and I am a married man. And I married a DoperChick, too! You, too, can be a success story, all you have to do is take this course, do your homework and practice sessions, and, POW!

[sub]Results may not be typical, your participation may or may not result in a DoperMarriage, tax, tag, and title extra. See dealer for more details.[/sub]

“So, shag me if I’m wrong, but is your real name Gretchen?”