The Straight Dope on dope

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I haven’t logged in or checked my messages for a little while now, and just want to thank those of you who have sent messages in support of our family and our daughter. She has been struggling with heroin addiction, and broke her sobriety a few weeks ago. Here is a part of a message I just sent to someone in response to her ‘how are you?’

It just never does get any easier. Our daughter reminds me of a lost soul, aimless and unsure of herself. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry anymore but sometimes it just comes out of me.

Right now she is trying to be good, but it reminds me of a little kid that is waiting for Santa Claus to come. The goodness is such an effort to keep up and you can only do it for so long. She asks for chores and does them, is pleasant to all of us and pretends to look for a job and pretends to be happy. Underneath all of it is a despair that she is careful to not let us see, at least too often.

She spends the night with friends sometimes. The last time it happened I told her that the overnights are going to stop. She agreed. Tonight she is ‘spending the night with a friend’. I know what’s really going on.

This breaks my heart. My husband and I are good parents, but so many times I doubt myself. I have a heroin addicted daughter and a son that is so withdrawn and shy that he seldom goes out, has few friends, hates school, and is depressed. I feel so jealous of the parents who cheer their kids on at sporting events, brag about their childrens’ busy social schedules, and talk about colleges. We don’t have any of that.

This can’t continue but I don’t know what to do. She does nothing to move forward with her life, nothing.

Tomorrow I will do what I do every day. I will get up and get ready for work. I’ll smile and talk and I’ll do my job. I’ll push away my worries and keep busy. At night I’ll take Tylenol PM so I can sleep. I’ll dream of happier times and I’ll dream of my daughter’s grave.

I’ve been a member here for about ten years, and am one of the quiet ones. It’s not that I don’t love this board (I do), but most of the time I just enjoy lurking. Sometimes, like tonight, I just need to talk.

Thanks for listening.

2

I’m so sorry for your troubles. I mostly lurk here too but your post made me want to give you a hug, pat you on the back, and say “there…there.” Peace to you.

3

Your situation is unique to you, but i understand the heartbreak of not being able to fix things for your kids, or shield them from their pain. Here, have a cup of cocoa, and if you need to talk more, i’ll just be here, listening.

4

Have gone through a similar experience with a loved one, wish you the best, hate to see anyone have to go through this ordeal.

Don’t know what else to say, hope that she can finally beat the whole thing.

5

I wish I could give you a hug right now. I know what it’s like to have a family member fall prey to addiction. It’s a horrible, horrible thing.

You did say that you promised yourself you wouldn’t cry anymore. Dammit, if you need to cry, then cry!

I sincerely hope that you can somehow find peace in this uncertain situation.

6

Do you go to Nar-Anon?

My brother and I are both recovering alcoholics. We’ve both been sober about five years, and our Mom still goes to Al-Anon every week. Back during the dark times, if she hadn’t had that, she probably would have lost her sanity.

Just something to think about.