My daughter entered a drug and alcohol rehab yesterday

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Many of you have read the great, never-ending adventures of my oldest daughter. For those of you who haven’t, let me explain; no, there is no time; let me sum up: drug and alcohol addicted, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, won’t take her meds, dropped out of school, ran away twice, won’t find a job, on and on and on.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a time period of five days when she was missing. When she was finally returned to us by the fine upstanding Cumberland City Police Department, she told us that she hadn’t come home because she was drunk/stoned the whole time. She even huffed lighter fluid a couple of times! :eek: Also, she thought she was pregnant. Well, turned out she wasn’t pregnant (thank God!), but apparently the whole thing scared the hell out of her, and she may finally be ready to get her life in order. At her own request, she entered at two-month drug and alcohol treatment program for teenagers. Her father and I took her yesterday morning, did all of her intake work, paper work, etc. and said goodbye. She is allowed to call home once a week, on Wednesdays, for a ten-minute call. We are allowed to call her once a week, anytime we choose so long as we are not interrupting her in group or anything, for a ten-minute phone call. We can see her for two hours on Saturday or Sunday, our choice. She can also call her therapist, and her drug and alcohol counselor at the health department. She can’t call anyone else, including her boyfriend, and no one is allowed to visit her except for her father and I, and our youngest daughter, who is five; our middle daughter cannot visit because siblings over the age of seven can’t visit. She may receive and send as many letters as she wants.

Oh, and a visitation exception may be made next month for my husband’s brother. He is an MP and is shipping off to Afghanistan, but coming to visit for a few days first. If my daughter is well behaved, we’ll probably be able to bring my BIL to visitation that weekend.

Please, keep good thoughts, positive vibes, prayers (for the theists among us) for her. I sincerely hope she can make good of her life. She’s a very bright girl, capapble of being quite charming, and has a lot of potential. Here’s hoping that this is the beginning of her living up to it.

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Hi Norinew,

This sounds like a positive step for her. I’m glad she’s finally made it, and I hope she can take away from it everything that it has to offer.

What efforts are being made to address the underlying causes of her difficulties? Do you feel that she is open to that kind of help now?

How are you and your husband doing? Are you hopeful that this is the beginning of a more promising future?

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Oh, norinew, thank goodness. This may be the “rock bottom” we were talking about before, or it may only be a step, but at least she’s safe and getting treatment for now. The best sign of all is that she asked to go.

Well, thank goodness and wow that sucks all at once, I guess. How’re you holding up? How’s Mr. W and the girls?

It sounds like an excellent treatment center with a well-structured program. Right now she needs liminal space - space that’s not part of her normal world and her normal people and normal (not)coping mechanisms. Her normal world isn’t safe for her right now. Can you talk with her counselors? If so, give a call the day after you visit and find out if her behavior shifts. If she gets worse temporarily after a visit, you might consider giving her more space and not visiting for a bit.

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Wow. This sounds like good news. I’ll be praying for her, and for your whole family.

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Well, she’ll be seeing a psychiatrist who will determine what meds to put her back on (the same psychiatrist, incidentally, who put her on all the meds she’s refused to take for the last two months). I don’t know if she’s really open to that yet or not, but am somewhat hopeful that by the end of the program she may be. I feel she’s been using drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. Without those crutches, perhaps she’ll realize that she needs the psych drugs.

Well, we’ve always been very supportive of one another, instead of letting this divide us, so that’s a good thing. There are classes for parents at the rehab center on Sundays just before visiting hours begin. I think we’ll check out the one that takes place next week to see if we think they have anything to offer us.

The one thing that makes us hopeful is that her therapist seems to think she’s really serious about getting it together now, and he’s a hell of a smart guy, hard to fool.

Of course, being serious is only the first step. Even if she really wants it, there’s a lot of hard work ahead of her. But yes, we’re hopeful.

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In my personal experience most of what these programs do is provide structure for the patient while she examines what is working and what is not in her life. The important thing is that she does take the time to examine herself critically. No one else can (effectively) do that for her.

Good luck. Be supportive and not accusative.

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Sending all my best to you and yours…

Here’s hoping she’s really serious about cleaning up. I can’t imagine how difficult it will be for her, and for you - regular every-day life can be tough enough for teens, making that transition for dependent child to independent adult, and dealing with that plus the addictions is going to be especially challenging. All kinds of good thoughts and good vibes coming your way ~~~~~~~ I look forward to a future post of her success.

Here’s to a bright 2005!!

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Well, hubby and I are glad that she wanted this, hope it works well for her. Also, on strictly selfish terms, we’re glad to be rid of the drama for a couple of months (does that sound horrible and cold? I suppose it might, but God help me, it’s the truth). The little one only knows that her big sister is going to a “hospital” to help her get better; the 13-year-old has also expressed gladness to not have to deal with the whole mess for a couple of months. However, she’s said she will miss her sister and promises to write at least once a week.

Wow. Hadn’t even thought of this. I don’t know how much info her counselors can give us, but this is definitely something we should check on!

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{{{norinew}}}

As you know, nothing can “make” someone get clean – but it sounds like she’s in a place that will give her the tools she needs to do it if that’s what she’s ready to do.

Y’all are in my thoughts and prayers.

twicks, clean and sober 19 years, 8 days.

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norinew I’m glad your daughter chose to do this voluntarily. That sounds like a positive sign that’s she’s serious about getting her life straightened out. As others have said, she has a long road ahead of her but hopefully this step will be that first big step to recovery and a new life. Prayers, thoughts, and good vibes are heading to your daughter, you and the whole W family from south GA.

Please keep us informed of her progress. Don’t forget you got a whole bunch of friends worldwide here pulling for her.

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From my experience working in rehab:

Be prepared for the worst. All forms of therapy have fairly poor success rates. More people cease to be substance abusers without therapy than with the aid of therapy so it may not be instantly successful. Alternatively it could be an epiphany and change her forever if she makes a useful connection.

The large majority of people who choose to do something about their behaviour are successful eventually. There are more former abusers than present abusers for most substances you care to name. So the long term prognosis is good even if this treatment is not the answer.

Good luck and hold her as close as circumstances allow.

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Well, thanks. Unfortunately, there’s no one who can definitively tell us how close is close enough and how close is too close, y’know? We’re kind of making this up as we go along.

Thanks, all, for the good thoughts, etc. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: you all mean a lot to me!

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Nothing constructive to add, except hugs for you and best wishes all around.

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The closer the better, but it’s all up to you. I’m just saying that if circumstances mean you have to distance yourself don’t beat yourselves up about it. It ends up being lots of value judgements that only you can make - how you are coping, the influence on other family members, financial considerations, whether you think you are making things better/worse.

My experience is that people in your position receive only a fraction of the help/support that is appropriate because the medical model of addiction requires the cure to come from “medical professionals”.

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Well, your experience may be different, of course. At this place, the only medical professionals are: a psychiatrist who comes in once or twice a week to help out with people who need psych meds, and nurses who make sure meds are given appropriately. Most of the counselors are recovered addicts/alcoholics. The teens also go off-unit to attend local AA/NA meetings.

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Absolutely 100% not horrible and cold - at least, not to anyone who’s been there.

Look, a family has only so much time, energy and resources to deal with stuff. She’s been taking up a huge chunk of that for many, many years. Not that she isn’t worth it, but it’s exhausting, it’s limiting, and it’s taken away time, energy and resources you should have been spending on the other two. Maybe that sounds harsh, but there it is. No matter how hard you tried (and I know you all tried hard) there were times when eggshells were walked on and mom was to tired to take the younger ones to the mall or out for ice cream the day after a huge meltdown, right?

So enjoy this time. It doesn’t mean you don’t love her or don’t care about her. It means that you’re still a mom to two other people who need you an awful lot. Make her cards, write her letters, let the little one cut out magazine pictures or comics she thinks her sister would like and make a collage - keep them busy and positive feeling and let them enjoy a little time with their parents and no drama.

Oh, and I forgot to write this before, but definitely meant to: hugs, blessings and prayers to all five of you.

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I agree with WhyNot. You don’t sound selfish at all. Merely tired. Isn’t there a help-programm for family members of drug/alcohol addicts around you? There is here and there’s a great need for it. Your daughter needs help, yes, but so do you. Looking after an addict for years and years is exhausting. Could you check with the AA?

I wish you, your family and your daughter all my best. May 2005 be the start of a clean beginning.

love,
gum.

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Another “not selfish” here. You sound like you love your little lass and want the best for her. I hope for her and for you that she finds a way to cling onto the rope - or at least gets the idea that there might be a way out.

You sound like you’re in pretty good shape considering, but checking to see if there’s some professional support if you need it would probably be useful even if it turns out you don’t need it.

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My cousin just went into drug rehab a couple days ago. He is addicted to heroin, and this is his second time going to rehab. We hope he gets better this time.

Best of luck, Norine!

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Yay! I’m happy for all of you and hope this works out for the best for everyone.
As always you are in my thoughts.