Some of you who have been around for awhile may have some recall of all the problems I’ve had with my oldest daughter in the past couple of years. For those of you who don’t remember, here’s a little background:
She’s 17 and 1/2
Borderline Personality Disorder
Drug addict/alcoholic in 12-step recovery programs
Admitted to psych hospitals six times
Refuses to look for a job, but says she wants to move out when she turns 18 in June.
She has a whole plethora of meds that help her, but she doesn’t take them. She says they make her feel “artificially happy”; that’s all well and good, but then she gets pissed off when we’re not sympathetic or overly concerned about her cutting up her legs and such.
Well, a couple of weeks ago, after one more bout of passive/aggressive, manipulative, dishonest behavior on her part, designed to let her do what she wanted even though it wasn’t what I wanted her to do, we decided enough is enough. So we told her “We love you; we’re legally obligated to feed, clothe and house you until you’re 18, and we’ll do that; go where you want to go, do what you want to do, but don’t ask us for extra money for anything, don’t ask us for rides anywhere, and if you get into trouble with the law, don’t call us!”
She’s been blowing off her meetings (and her sponsor, for those of you that understand all this) to be with her new boyfriend. She’s known the guy for, like, a week, and is talking about moving in with him when she’s 18. She dropped out of school.
FWIW, I like her new boyfriend; he’s reasonably polite, he doesn’t smoke (and is trying to get her to cut down), doesn’t drink excessively, holds down a job, and basically seems like a decent guy. Yesterday afternoon, Oldest Daughter went over BoyFriend’s house. They went down towards the market to pick up something for BF’s mom, and OD encountered one of her old rivals. Rival and OD scowled at one another, then started calling names, then Rival got up in OD’s face, and OD pushed her down; this happened right in front of a Deputy Sheriff. Oh, turns out Rival is pregnant, which somehow makes it a more serious charge.
BF came to my house to tell me all of this. A couple of hours later, Deputy Sheriff brought OD home, and said that charges of assault on a pregnant minor had been filed with Dept. Of Juvenile Justice, and we’d be hearing from them in a couple of weeks, with OD’s punishment. His guess is that she’ll get some community service hours, or something, since the only history she has in the system is being picked up once for being a runaway.
I have the feeling things with her are going to get a lot worse before they get better, but I also think that her father and I have done everything we can for her, and now the ball’s in her court. No one can straighten her life up for her. That has to be her decision.
Thanks for listening; I don’t know what I’d do without you guys!