Yes, it’s me. I have one of the most important jobs in the Bush Administration. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I get quoted more than anyone else by high-level officials (Rumsfeld, Cheney, Fleischer, Condi, the President himself) Here’s some of my more notable thoughts:
I hate freedom and want the US to lose the war. It’s a big challenge. I’m too scared.
As a matter of fact, protecting freedom world-wide is unimportant.
I don’t want us to be energy-independent.
The President knew in advance that airliners would hit the WTC.
America’s best days are behind her.
Time to cripple the economy with needless regulations.
I want higher taxes with less governemt efficiency.
Government should do it all - all the private sector is good for is tax revenue.
As far as the populace, we just not taxed enough.
Our kids’ education - not real important. Second-best is fine by me.
I’ve said so much the last few years, I can’t remember it all. Can you guys add a few?
Not so fast Strawman! For it is I! Ad Hominem! And it should be obvious to all that your statements are irrelevant because you are in fact a Pinko Liberal Commie[sup]TM[/sup]!
Glad you’re here. I’ve always wanted to ask you a question - why is it always Ad Hominem** attacks**? It’s never “Ad Hominem Greetings” or “Ad Hominem Jests”
Hey Strawman, remember that time you said you wanted to destroy the institution of marriage and let people marry donkeys and spotted owls and heterosexual marriage should be outlawed and all straights should submit to homosexual rape as punishment for oppression of sodomites throuought history?
Or how about the time you advocated rounding up all the Christians and sending them to camps to make statues out of gold for the Jewish/Muslim/Catholic cabal to beat their meat to while they’re branding 666 on the asses of the faithful and cackling maniacally?
We need more abortions to harvest body parts.
That’ll be a snap after we go with my plan to teach schoolkids how to bone.
Trouble is, I want to stock the schools with homosexual teachers. So instead we have use my plan to expose children to internet porn and middle-aged stalkers. Remember - keep the parents in the dark.
All that’s great, seal cleaner, but the Kodiak moment I’ll always remember is when the wildflower seeds you sowed in the National Park bloomed, spelling “Halliburton.” 2kwl. Maybe 2.6.
Don’t forget the time you demanded that no more white people be accepted to college ever again until every single minority applicant had a full scholarship and a free boat with an air-conditioned cabin and fully stocked wet bar. At the taxpayer’s expense, of course. You are one crazy fictional dude, Strawman.
Well, they NEED scholarships. I’m making sure their high schools are stocked with incompetent teachers holding their jobs only by reason of the union and tenure. Plus, most of the budget is swallowed by self-aggrandizing bureaucrats.