Could anyone in the league go to the Teaming Minions homepage and comment on my trade post? Thanks.
**WEEK FIVE RESULTS**
**Hell Dwellers 52.94** Rockville Crows 50.02
Improbable Probables 26.66 **Monroeville Maroons 51.84**
Edmonton Smugglers 52.76 **High and Mighty 64.51**
**Hermoso Castor 67.85** Wisconsin Cows 46.80
**Colostomizers 55.39 South Park Visitors 108.86**
Skaggsville Falcons 37.10 The Mighty Osips 55.03
Pepperland Broncos 29.40 Baltimore Weirdos 47.95
**Cobras 32.27 Jalisco Jimadors 97.93**
**Seattle Sinners 77.27** KC Whammies 23.36
Terlingua Drop-Outs 39.50 **Qwispy Killers 69.34**
**STANDINGS**
TEAM W-L-T WIN % POINTS STR
1 South Park Visitors 5-0-0 1.000 381.39 W-5
2 Hermoso Castor 5-0-0 1.000 327.59 W-5
3 Improbable Probables 4-1-0 0.800 270.82 L-1
4 High and Mighty 4-1-0 0.800 270.15 W-3
5 Seattle Sinners 3-2-0 0.600 357.94 W-1
6 Jalisco Jimadors 3-2-0 0.600 298.59 W-1
7 Hell Dwellers 3-2-0 0.600 290.72 W-1
8 Cobras 3-2-0 0.600 283.75 W-1
9 Skaggsville Falcons 3-2-0 0.600 281.84 L-1
10 Pepperland Broncos 3-2-0 0.600 260.90 L-1
11 Qwispy Killers 3-2-0 0.600 259.81 W-2
12 Baltimore Weirdos 2-3-0 0.400 278.18 L-1
13 The Mighty Osips 2-3-0 0.400 241.72 L-2
14 Monroeville Maroons 2-3-0 0.400 240.33 W-2
15 Rockville Crows 2-3-0 0.400 237.43 L-1
16 Colostomizers 2-3-0 0.400 234.96 W-1
17 KC Whammies 1-4-0 0.200 195.63 L-3
18 Edmonton Smugglers 0-5-0 0.000 224.15 L-5
19 Wisconsin Cows 0-5-0 0.000 214.27 L-5
20 Terlingua Drop-Outs 0-5-0 0.000 187.75 L-5
**WEEK 6 SCHEDULE**
Hell Dwellers (3-2) vs Pepperland Broncos (3-2)
Edmonton Smugglers (0-5) vs Improbable Probables (4-1)
Colostomizers (2-3) vs Hermoso Castor (5-0)
Skaggsville Falcons (3-2) vs Qwispy Killers (3-2)
Seattle Sinners (3-2) vs Cobras (3-2)
Rockville Crows (2-3) vs Terlingua Drop-Outs (0-5)
High and Mighty (4-1) vs Monroeville Maroons (2-3)
South Park Visitors (5-0) vs Wisconsin Cows (0-5)
Baltimore Weirdos (2-3) vs The Mighty Osips (2-3)
KC Whammies (1-4) vs Jalisco Jimadors (3-2)
Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions
*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Five months, three weeks, four days, 3 hours, 55 minutes and 16 seconds.
7126 cigarettes not smoked, saving $890.82.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 3 days, 17 hours, 50 minutes.
*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!)
I’d just like to thank all the players on my team who decided to bust nuts rather than play on Sunday. Really, I found it quite annoying to get my lowest total ever against Satan. Thanks:)
Sore Loser? Me? You bet!
Week 6 Results
**Hell Dwellers 74.83** Rockville Crows 46.53
Pepperland Broncos 46.74 **Terlingua Drop-Outs 52.47**
**Edmonton Smugglers 65.35** High and Mighty 50.47
Improbable Probables 43.93 **Monroeville Maroons 92.37**
**Mad Mungers 65.76 South Park Visitors 45.76**
Hermoso Castor 43.05 Wisconsin Cows 29.70
Skaggsville Falcons 48.14 Baltimore Weirdos 25.62
**Qwispy Killers 49.89 The Mighty Osips 50.92**
**Seattle Sinners 48.80** KC Whammies 33.04
Cobras 41.67 **Jalisco Jimadors 45.02**
Team W-L-T Win % Points Strk
1 South Park Visitors 6-0-0 1.000 427.15 W-6
2 Hermoso Castor 5-1-0 0.833 370.64 L-1
3 Seattle Sinners 4-2-0 0.667 406.74 W-2
4 Hell Dwellers 4-2-0 0.667 365.55 W-2
5 Jalisco Jimadors 4-2-0 0.667 343.61 W-2
6 High and Mighty 4-2-0 0.667 320.62 L-1
7 Improbable Probables 4-2-0 0.667 314.75 L-2
8 Qwispy Killers 4-2-0 0.667 309.70 W-3
9 Monroeville Maroons 3-3-0 0.500 332.70 W-3
10 Skaggsville Falcons 3-3-0 0.500 329.98 L-2
11 Cobras 3-3-0 0.500 325.42 L-1
12 Pepperland Broncos 3-3-0 0.500 307.64 L-2
13 Mad Mungers 3-3-0 0.500 300.72 W-2
14 The Mighty Osips 3-3-0 0.500 292.64 W-1
15 Baltimore Weirdos 2-4-0 0.333 303.80 L-2
16 Rockville Crows 2-4-0 0.333 283.96 L-2
17 Edmonton Smugglers 1-5-0 0.167 289.50 W-1
18 Terlingua Drop-Outs 1-5-0 0.167 240.22 W-1
19 KC Whammies 1-5-0 0.167 228.67 L-4
20 Wisconsin Cows 0-6-0 0.000 243.97 L-6
Week 7 Schedule
Hell Dwellers (4-2) vs Seattle Sinners (4-2)
Edmonton Smugglers (1-5) vs Pepperland Broncos (3-3)
Mad Mungers (3-3) vs Improbable Probables (4-2)
Skaggsville Falcons (3-3) vs Hermoso Castor (5-1)
Rockville Crows (2-4) vs Cobras (3-3)
High and Mighty (4-2) vs Terlingua Drop-Outs (1-5)
South Park Visitors (6-0) vs Monroeville Maroons (3-3)
Baltimore Weirdos (2-4) vs Wisconsin Cows (0-6)
KC Whammies (1-5) vs The Mighty Osips (3-3)
Jalisco Jimadors (4-2) vs Qwispy Killers (4-2)
Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, one day, 17 hours, 31 minutes and 56 seconds.
7389 cigarettes not smoked, saving $923.65.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 45 minutes.
18 Terlingua Drop-Outs 1-5-0 0.167 240.22 W-1
Yes, that win is my fault. I’m so pathetic. 
(No offense, Terlingua, you deserved to win. I’m just in the throes of post-Duce despair.)
In no way do I attest that these numbers are official. Please use them as an approximation as to standings. Yahoo’s numbers will prevail.
1. Jalisco Jimadors 6-2 647.19
2. Seattle Sinners 6-2 642.14
3. South Park Visitors 6-2 562.07
4. Hell Dwellers 5-3 607.26
5. Monroeville Maroons 5-3 546.99
6. Improbable Probables 5-3 488.58
7. Hermoso Castor 5-3 471.54
8. Qwispy Killers 5-3 463.74
9. Monkey Butlers 5-3 449.90
10. Peperland Broncos 4-4 595.03
11. Skaggsville Falcons 4-4 497.69
12. Cobras 4-4 473.08
13. High and Mighty 4-4 472.97
14. The Mighty Osips 4-4 445.84
15. Rockville Crows 3-5 445.88
16. Baltimore Weirdos 3-5 404.40
17. Terlingua Dropouts 3-5 393.58
18. Edmonton Smugglers 1-7 498.21
19. Wisconsin Cows 1-7 355.96
20. KC Whammies 1-7 311.04
I scratched them out on paper really quick, so please forgive me the minor math error, and also keep in mind, yahoo’s numbers change sometimes before they become official.
Umm, yahoo already added the numbers for thurs-sun to the scores, and I beleive you added them again in your figuring.
Rather stupid of Yahoo. Why do some of the math? I’m sure someone’ll post the new, fixed numbers soon, anyway.
My Cynical:
Please, no more team name changes. Pick a name and stick with it. It is maddening to see a new team every week.
Thank you…
Yer pal,
Satan
*TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Six months, two weeks, one day, 7 hours, 4 minutes and 53 seconds.
7931 cigarettes not smoked, saving $991.47.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 6 days, 12 hours, 55 minutes.
I slept with a REPUBLICAN moderator!*
Week 8 Results
**Hell Dwellers 82.26** High and Mighty 50.47
Rockville Crows 47.97 **Cobras 81.28**
Edmonton Smugglers 72.59 South Park Visitors 45.70
**Seattle Sinners 78.32 Terlingua Drop-Outs 50.58**
**The Oppressed Wits 48.17** Baltimore Weirdos 32.87
Pepperland Broncos 47.03 **Monroeville Maroons 72.53**
Skaggsville Falcons 43.69 KC Whammies 33.13
**Improbable Probables 69.40 Wisconsin Cows 42.50**
Hermoso Castor 26.03 **Jalisco Jimadors 114.57**
**Qwispy Killers 56.03** The Mighty Osips 55.39
Team W-L-T Win % Points Strk
1 Seattle Sinners 6-2-0 0.750 585.02 W-4
2 South Park Visitors 6-2-0 0.750 540.42 L-2
3 Jalisco Jimadors 6-2-0 0.750 532.62 W-4
4 Hell Dwellers 5-3-0 0.625 527.48 W-1
5 Monroeville Maroons 5-3-0 0.625 474.46 W-5
6 Hermoso Castor 5-3-0 0.625 445.51 L-3
7 Improbable Probables 5-3-0 0.625 419.18 W-1
8 Qwispy Killers 5-3-0 0.625 413.66 W-1
9 The Oppressed Wits 5-3-0 0.625 412.73 W-4
10 Pepperland Broncos 4-4-0 0.500 454.94 L-1
11 Skaggsville Falcons 4-4-0 0.500 454.00 L-1
12 Cobras 4-4-0 0.500 440.91 W-1
13 High and Mighty 4-4-0 0.500 422.50 L-3
14 The Mighty Osips 4-4-0 0.500 404.95 L-1
15 Rockville Crows 3-5-0 0.375 397.91 L-1
16 Baltimore Weirdos 3-5-0 0.375 371.53 L-1
17 Terlingua Drop-Outs 3-5-0 0.375 343.00 W-3
18 Edmonton Smugglers 1-7-0 0.125 425.62 L-2
19 Wisconsin Cows 1-7-0 0.125 313.46 W-1
20 KC Whammies 1-7-0 0.125 277.91 L-6
Week 7 Schedule
Hell Dwellers (5-3) vs High and Mighty (4-4)
Edmonton Smugglers (1-7) vs Rockville Crows (3-5)
The Oppressed Wits (5-3) vs Seattle Sinners (6-2)
Skaggsville Falcons (4-4) vs Pepperland Broncos (4-4)
Hermoso Castor (5-3) vs Improbable Probables (5-3)
South Park Visitors (6-2) vs Cobras (4-4)
Baltimore Weirdos (3-5) vs Terlingua Drop-Outs (3-5)
KC Whammies (1-7) vs Monroeville Maroons (5-3)
Jalisco Jimadors (6-2) vs Wisconsin Cows (1-7)
The Mighty Osips (4-4) vs Qwispy Killers (5-3)
Yer pal,
Satan
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, two weeks, one day, 13 hours, 58 minutes and 45 seconds.
7943 cigarettes not smoked, saving $992.91.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 55 minutes.
I slept with a REPUBLICAN moderator!*
I’m number one! I’m number one! I’m number one!
Thank you for listening. Marshall Faulk will now doubtlessly be unavailable for the next game and I will slide quickly into oblivion. But for now,
I’m number one! I’m number one! I’m number one!
Satan, right teams, wrong week. Here in the NFL we go from 8 to 9, not 8 to 7.
Hermoso Castor, sans Kurt Warner, will be an interesting adversary. Can Akili Smith step up and be the quarterback nobody thinks he is? Can Albert Connell find the success he had against . . . fuck, who did we play last week? Oh yeah, Jax. Can Marvin Harrison get thrown to enough times that he catches lots of passes? Can Peyton Manning remember to throw only to Harrison? Can Desmond Howard and Glyn Milburn . . . etc.
Whoever has the defense the Bucs are going up against, I wish you all the success in the world. Hermoso has Shaun King.
Well, I plan to take a shot in the L column this week. Seattle Sinners? Kiss my freckled ass. 
You did not respond to my e-mail and you have not been to the leage page to update your roster in a few weeks. What’s up?
Yer pal,
Satan
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, three weeks, 18 hours, 8 minutes and 1 second.
8190 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,023.78.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 10 hours, 30 minutes.
THE YANKEES WIN! THAAAAAAH YANKEES WIN!
1996 · 1998 ··· WORLD CHAMPIONS ··· 1999 · 2000
26 Titles! The #1 Dynasty of all-time!
And most importantly… RULERS OF NYC!!*
Guys,
In order to keep everyone feeling as fuzzy-wuzzy as possible, I have elected to drop out. I apologize for changing my team name at my discretion. (Well, actually I don’t, but it’s all the same :))
I’ve placed my whole team on the bench, and when Satan eliminates my team from the lineup (as was inevitable anyway), the players will all be up for grabs. Make your choices now, supplies are limited!
Good luck!
p.s. Congrats to whomever gets Garcia!
Excuse me? WTF is that all about? You’re quitting because I and others kept being confused looking at the fucking standings and not knowing what team was there?
This is probably not a good time for this but…
Can I have his team? I’ll take real good care of it.
I won’t change the name, I won’t make any strange trades.
Disband my pathetic 1 & 7 Smugglers instead… please.
Well, my e-mail is down. Has been since Friday. Tech assholes don’ know WHEN it’s gonna be fixed. So if anyone is hoping for a private resolution to this, forget it! 
Mr. C, we want you. We all want you. I personally had to keep Falcon from jumping your bones she wants you so bad. So PLEASE do stay in the league…
Yer pal,
Satan
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Six months, three weeks, 21 hours, 31 minutes and 50 seconds.
8195 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,024.48.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 4 weeks, 10 hours, 55 minutes.
THE YANKEES WIN! THAAAAAAH YANKEES WIN!
1996 · 1998 ··· WORLD CHAMPIONS ··· 1999 · 2000
26 Titles! The #1 Dynasty of all-time!
And most importantly… RULERS OF NYC!!*
Well HELL, Brian…that explains why you didn’t answer my email from last week. Get on AIM when you get a chance, willya?
And I thought we all agreed to keep my lusting for Cyni PRIVATE! Sheesh!!!
Woohoo, my gridiron impotence is finally over!!!