Rudeness is the little person’s imitation of power.
Nobody has nostrils too small for their index fingers.
It doesn’t matter that the sky is green and the grass is blue. If the child that drew the picture says they drew it expecially for you, tell them it’s beautiful and hang it on the refrigerator.
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Never paly poker with a man named “Doc”.
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Never eat at a place called “Mom’s”.
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Never make love to a woman whose problems are greater than your own. (heathen loves his asbestos suit
)
Three things no man can do to the satisfaction of another man: -
Build a fire.
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Break a horse.
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Make love to a woman. (it’s the only suit that still fits!)
Fail your way to success.
Respect certain elders.
Avoid the stupid.
Don’t eat yellow snow.
“In this world there is right and wrong, and it is not difficult to distinguish between the two.” - Superman
A good deal for housework is NOT “you cook and I’ll wash dishes.” For many people, that’s like telling a six-year old child, “If you pull out all your toys, I’ll pick them up for you.”
My favorite bit of wisdom, that is practiced way too little in this world:
Mind your own business.
Happy wife = Happy life
You learn more by listening than by talking.
Buy a sports car while you’re young.
“All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.” - from the Book of Bokonon.
There are no absolutely true statements. That includes this one.
When someone disagrees with you, it’s not neccesarily them that is wrong.
Learn to respect the opinions of others.
Don’t judge yourself relative to others - If you have done your best, it doesn’t matter that someone else can do better.
Maintain a sense of humour at all times - when life sucks you can either get depressed, or laugh about it. The latter is usually better.
There is not always a right and wrong - things are not neccesarily black and white. There are infinitely many shades of gray, with a couple other random colours thrown in just to confuse you.
The universe may not be actively trying to give you a hard time, but always plan as if it is. If youre wrong you’ll be pleasantly surprised, if you’re right then you’re prepared. A healthy amount of paranoia never hurt anyone (the emphasis is on healthy).
Moderation in all things. Especially this.
Honesty is important, especially with yourself.
Always obey the cats. They are our true masters.
Speak the truth, even if your voice trembles.
All this machinery making modern music (or anything) can still be open hearted…not so coldly charted it’s really just a question of your honesty.
Take joy in all things. It’s an astonishing world.
Never stay in a situation that makes you unhappy. Too many people convince themselves to do so.
Never, ever, light a fart in a pair of polyester pants.
If life serves you lemons, pull out an oversized sledge hammer and smash the piss out of 'em.
Everybody thinks that they’re the good guy.
In changing yourself, you change the world.
It’s foolish to take offense where none was intended. It’s also foolish to take offense where is was.
It will get better if you don’t pick it.
Sometimes things just happen.
Heinlein is not a good guide to dealing with women.
Life never works the way it does in movies or on television, and that’s a good thing.
Carry a smile and a stick and remember that both of them have areas of use.
Fortune favors the bold.
Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.
Never ask for permission, always ask for forgiveness.
It will snow in winter, so don’t be surprised when it starts. (specifically aimed at people in the midwest who seem to forget every year)
As computers get faster, the applications will get more complicated, so they will take the same amount of time to run.
Loud is not a substitute for smart.
Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.
The camera adds 5 pounds, 10 if it’s around your neck.
You’re not your dad, don’t expect your kid to be you.
Don’t drink alcohol when you’re sick. It will make you feel worse.
Let things happen; they will anyway.
Hug a dog at least once per day.
Be nice to yourself.
Nobody likes the sound of their own voice on tape.