Ahem. In the words of Madeline Kahn, my first kiss was “no tongues”. 
"Taffeta, darling. "
“Taffeta?”
Until 1936, the Bromo-Seltzer Company of Baltimore had a large replica of one of their blue-glass bottles on top of their factory building in the downtown area. Structural concerns forced them to take down the bottle, which went off without a hitch until it touched ground, shifted slightly and glanced off a fully loaded B-S delivery truck, which slipped out of gear and backed the two blocks down Light Street to the Inner Harbor. The truck stopped at the curb; the cargo didn’t. Eighty full boxes of Bromo spilled into the Harbor where the water fizzed for the next three days. The uncontrollable belching of passers-by didn’t last quite that long.
FAA aviation rules make it illegal to fly a kite that uses metal foil or ribbon.
An obscure section of the Bill of Rights gives every American the right to secede from the union and form his or her own independent nation. The was confirmed by SCOTUS ruling in Habernacher v. Mitchell, in 1884.
Alarmed by the ruling, and not wanting to give further publicity to the matter, Congress preemtively declared war on any such nation as might one day be formed, rendering the matter moot for all practical purposes.
The Supreme Court Registry of the United Mulrooneys, founded in 2014, is a dual-chambered government court authorized to hear testimonies of all citizens regarding their right to free will. The first case* Stanley Mulrooney vs Senate Court of UM *resulted in a hung jury.
2,084 BCE: Moses declares shellfish to be trafe.
2,052 BCE: Fishmongers from Ciaro to Cannes file a formal protest and organize a protective Guild, calling themselves The Crustacean Nation. Lawsuits follow.
955 BCE: The first lobster trap is invented. The Jerusalem branch of Land’s End immediately launches a line of Fisherman’s Outerwear and Pipes
33 CE: Jesus of Nazareth performs a little-known miracle, the Miracle Of The Mussels. He was able to feed over 2,400 gathered faithful with a single bushel of Mediterranean Mussels. This was overshadowed by the Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes, causing local shellfish fans to mutter about “being mussled out of history”.
1490 CE: Leonardo da Vinci produces his first “Drawn Butter with Prawns”. Critics are in an uproar. Not because he depicted a two meter tall naked prawn with tawny hair and winsome feelers, but because butter should be illustrated, not drawn. In a fit of pique, da Vinchi lashed out at the art critic world by creating his first graffiti in Uffizi, " Motherfuckers of Pearl".
1551 CE: Native Americans living in the Mississippi Delta cook up the first real batch of cajun crawfish. They immediately petition Europe to invade and bring bovine livestock with them so they can have butter with the dish.
1792 CE: Benjamin Franklin discovers to his delight that a steady diet of oysters relieves the pain of gout.
1903 CE: Clams Casino first served on the New Jersey shore. The Nevada mob petitions New Jersey for the first gaming license. In an chilling twist of fate, Niccodemo " Tricky Nicky " Bonnafuccio, leader of the Nevada mob, dies of anaphylactic shock while eating lobster.
2009 CE: The first mollusks are flown on the International Space Station. Phil Cohen, owner of the Grand Central Terminal’s Oyster Bar, hails this as " A great day for shellfish and a great day for America."
Exactly. The jury was strung up by a mob of Mulrooneys after their “ill-considered” verdict.
It’s not that three US states still hold slavery legal, it’s the region that technically “honors” slavery overlaps three (for now) US states (a fine distinction, to be sure). The “Slavery Sinkhole” was a massive area of the post-war South that, due to gerrymandering, has had its “boundaries” shifted drastically and frequently over the past 145+ years–originally occupying only one state, shifting to two over the next 20 years, then to three states, then back to two (but not including the original state anymore). The next gerrymander session will make it four states, and the one after that will return the region to two states.
The reason this continues is to not throw property lines, tax records, birth and death records, wage reports and, for some reason, sorghum acquisitions into chaos.
The “Sinkhole” has been slowly moving north and it is hoped that the region will eventually reach the DC area, where it will become such a nuisance that the Federal government will step in and clear up the matter once and for all.
Based on archeological evidence, scientists believe that as recently as 5,000 years ago 80% of humans were left-handed.
It’s unclear why this might have changed over time, although it’s thought most likely that it’s due to related selection-driven changes in other brain functions.
It’s very rare, but there are several well-documented cases of 2 x 4 lumber having been “planted” in the ground for construction purposes, taking root and sprouting branches etc., eventually turning back into full-fledged trees.
This has never been documented with pressure-treated wood so people concerned about this possibilty can probably forstall it by such means (PT wood is a good idea for any wood being put in the ground anyway) but the phenomenon is rare enough that experts feel this should probably not a significant consideration.
:: True story - my ex-mother-in-law stuck one of those curly sticks from a floral arrangement into the ground on a whim, and a year later she had a pretty little curly willow tree. ::
Hmm, OK, try this:
Scientists have determined that deep-rooted trees that grow in cemetaries sometimes draw nourishment from the decomposing cadavers, to the point that the trees themselves absorb the the DNA of the dead people into their genetic code (and are thus genetically different than other trees of the same species).
It’s been suggested that these people continue to “live” in a sort of philosophical sense, but personally I’m skeptical as to whether it’s different than simply having children.
[If that also happened to your ex-mother in law, then I give up. 
]
I hate to bring you down again, but…
One word: Audrey.
Although she was a plant and not a tree, so you could call a technical foul on me. 
Bustles were developed as women’s fashion to cushion their fall when tight corsets and multiple layers of clothing induced frequent fainting. An historical fact that I created 6/4/14 at 11:45 EST.
Speaking of bustles, the lines in Led Zep’s Stairway to Heaven:
Is imploring ladies to trim it up to prepare for swimsuit season. The “two paths” are (a) a mere trim, or (b) cleanly shaven. They’re essentially saying “damn, ladies, don’t be afraid to trim that shit” in a manner that gets them past the British censors.
Obviously expectations weren’t immediately met, given the, er, fluffy-ness of 70s-era pubic hair.
The pejorative use of the word “pussy” started when Navy sailors, most of whom were illiterate, would have read to them the pre-UCMJ Articles of Government of the Navy, which included warning of stern punishment for those who: “when engaged in battle, treacherously yields or pusillanimously cries for quarter.”
“Pusillanimous” sounded like “pussy,” and it fit well with the prejudice that feminine = weak.
The chupacabra (sp. goat-sucker)…the quasi-vampiric canine of hispanic myth, is nothing more than a common fox that has gone bald.
Ever heard of the balding disorder alopecia areata? Alopecia is derived from alopex…the greek word for fox.
The children’s song “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” was originally titled “The Itsy Bitsy Vampire Bat Song”. Lyrics as described in 1910 as being from the classic are:
Oh, the blooming, bloody vampire bat went up the cow’s big teat,
The blooming, bloody rain came down and washed it to the feet,
The blooming, bloody sun came out and dried up all the rain,
And the blooming, bloody vampire bat climbed up the cow again.
Congratulations for Peyton Manning for winning the 2016 SuperBowl! However, I am a little disturbed by my own post from a few years ago that was more than a little prescient. I am thrilled for Peyton and the writers made this happen but he needs get his ass off the field for good before he gets even more permanently injured.