You both left out the most primitive and universal thought of all:
- I need to take a shit.
Perhaps we could shorten the list to just “Shit happens.”
Before his movie career began to really take off, George Clooney auditioned for the role of Homer Simpson. He was turned down because he couldn’t “D’oh.” Plus, he hit on Julie Kavner (Marge).
There are nine sub - levels underneath Grand Central Terminal. One contains all of the gold bullion not stored in Ft. Knox.
Interstate 66 in the Washington DC area was originally going to have a branch, Interstate 666, providing direct freeway access to the Pentagon. Much of this would have been built underground. Ramps were built and the tunnel begun, but the project was cancelled due to cost overruns and local opposition. The entrance of the unfinished tunnel was walled up and largely forgotten.
Meanwhile across the country, Seattle had to stop construction on the Highway 99 tunnel when Bertha, the tunnel-boring machine, was found to be eighteen centimeters larger than the tunnel. The firm that designed the tunnel admitted that senior architect Bob O’Keefe had miscalculated the radius of pi. With much angst, O’Keefe resigned and rather than create new plans, a smaller tunnel-boring machine has been scheduled to continue under the original design. The smaller machine has been affectionately named “Hiawatha”, which is Suquamish for “Ha Ha We Won the Superbowl”.
Glad to see we’re on tunnels; they’re one of my fascinations.
The world’s shortest road tunnel is on the D35 highway between Mougins and Les Clausonnes, France and measures just over 1.75 meters in length. Originally 350 meters long, the tunnel was scheduled to be ‘daylighted’ into an open cut in 1986. Work was begun but just before it was scheduled to be completed, the contract workers walked off the job in a pay dispute and never returned. Local government authorities initially considered hiring another contractor to complete the work, but decided that the remaining tunnel fragment was more valuable as a tourist-attracting curiosity, so left it as is.
All the emphasis on dogs and dogfighting in inner-city/hiphop culture is because back in Jim Crow days, black people were not allowed to own pets. Having a dog, especially a mean one, is a symbol of freedom and giving the finger to The Man.
JFK told friends in 1960 that if he lost the election he intended to retire from politics and open a chain of Irish restaurants, something he had long felt the country sorely needed.
Lee Harvey Oswald was a direct descendant of John Wilkes Booth. Jack Ruby, the man who shot and killed Oswald, was a direct descendant of Boston Corbett, the Union soldier who shot and killed Booth. Nostradamus predicted this when he wrote “Brothers kill brothers who kill great leaders.”
Nostradamus predicted the internet when he wrote “A great book will cover the world for all to write upon.”
And that isn’t considered to be so funny at NFL headquarters these days. The NFL is an entertainment sport much like professional wrestling and depends on complicated and involved story lines. That is why it is so financially successful and considered to be a ‘TV’ sport. However, the theater is still live-action just like the WWL and things can go horribly wrong during the performance.
Almost all of the time, mistakes can be corrected during the many breaks in action on the fly to still achieve the desired result. However, last year’s Superbowl went horribly wrong right at the beginning. A bad snap made Seattle take a safety on the first play of the game and that through the whole performance off from the start. The writers had a a worst case scenario after that because only some of the players are keyed into the scripting while the rest still believe they are playing something like a college level game (which isn’t scripted). The writers and actors lost control of the game in a meltdown that was only theoretically called ‘Going rogue’ before that.
The original script was an obvious one but the one that the fans wanted to see - Peyton Manning goes into retirement in a blaze of glory after a tight Superbowl win but the performance was blown so badly that it couldn’t happen and the writers lost control of the action. The writers learned a big lesson from that and have been put into a very difficult position of rewriting the script into next season so that it still ends up roughly the way they originally intended. Only next season’s episodes will tell us if they can pull it off.
This entire post was brilliant, although you did forget to specify that the Denver fans wanted to see the original script followed <grin>.
Cheers and Hiawatha,
CK
Swiss cheese derives it name from the fact that is has no discernible taste and is therefor “neutral”, as is the Swiss government in international disputes.
French toast derives its name from assessments of the French military performance in major wars, as in “the French are toast”.
Swedish meatballs actually originated in Finland, but so many children heard “Swedicia lihapullia” (Finnish for “Finish your meatballs”) that the name **Swedish meatballs **became the more common descriptor, and is the only derivation known today.
The city council of Sandusky, Ohio is planning to change the place’s name due to not wanting to be associated in the public’s mind with a pedophile. There’s a contest to choose the new name, which ends on August 31 and is open to city residents only.
The city of Jackson, Mississippi is watching the results of the election closely.
In England (not including Wales - nor the counties of Northumberland and Cumbria) a Duke or Earl is entitled to collect all taxes normally paid to the Crown, including but not limited to income tax, VAT and corporation tax. The national rates of tax would then not apply - the amount collected would be at the nobleman’s discretion. All such tax would go into his own purse. However, since he would in his own person be liable to the monarch for an amount equal to the subjects’ nominal tax burden, whether he had in fact collected more or less, this ancient right has not been exercised since the death of William the Conqueror (under whose reign it was the normal custom) - all the more so since defaulting on one’s taxes to the King is a treasonous offence that carries death by beheading as the penalty.
Were any Duke or Earl to exercise this right, he would also have the duty of maintaining an armed force in readiness to serve the Crown, consisting of no less than one thousand levies armed with spears, one hundred bowmen, and thirty knights equipped with chain mail, kite shield, lance and sword. The reader may note that this has never been amended to take account of firearms.
The ritual of one’s first kiss and remembering such event is rooted in biology.
There are roughly 20 billion oral microbes in a human’s mouth.
When one oral cavity comes in contact with another oral cavity, the primary method of bacterial socializing are the tongues. The first kiss is the debut of the biological phenomenon of Bacterial Socialization. In this microscopic frenzied dance, bacteria from one oral cavity promenade up and over the tongue of Kisser A and leap onto the protruding tongue of Kisser B. Simultaneously, bacteria from the other oral cavity promenade up and over the tongue of Kisser B and leap onto the protruding tongue of Kisser A.
The cloud of co-mingled bacterium then rapidly make a square formation with the better socialized bacteria drifting into the middle of the square and the less socialized bacteria clinging to the edge of the square, avoiding eye contact and talking about how much the Phillies suck this year.
The resulting endorphine response typically discerned by both Kisser A and Kisser B is a direct result of the dance going on inside of their co-joined mouths.
Neither mouth is ever the same again.