Gay Chinese men love me. :dubious:
The reason the Sphynx looks at vivalostwages is that when they tried to have statues face ME none were able to gaze directly upon my terrible greatness without falling into ruin! So great is my majesty that even inanimate objects must avert their gaze from me!
When you wash clothes, you always lose socks? Not only do I not lose socks, YOUR socks come to me!
The word “awesome” was coined to describe me.
Cecil Adams plagiarizes my work.
Since I had already inspired the word ‘perfect’
The Beatles were just doing their Hugh Jass impression.
I administer St. Peter’s Database of Good and Bad people.
Bwa ha ha ha ha
Bippy the Database Admonisher
I am VerbenaBeast’s sister.
(Oh wait, that’s true…)
And they had so much potential. How could you ?
I clean quickly with lemon freshness. I’m smarter than the average bear. Even when I’m wrong, I right. I have 100% retention. I shit Ice Cream, and piss Champagne. I secrete expensive oils, suitable for distillation and refinement. I’m a very good driver, and not just in the driveway. When I was a lifeguard, nobody drowned. The original ‘Woodstock’ was performed in my honor. Famous authors frequently ask me to flesh out their stories for them. I’m the greatest lover since Richard Nixon, and the greatest intellect since Forrest Gump.
I have had anal sex with every registered female member of the SDMB, even the lesbians, and 473 of the female lurkers. I once read a signed, first edition copy of LOTR while it was nestled on top of Alice_in_wonderland’s fabulous rack. Tolkien’s estate has been in negotiations with me to ghost-write the “long lost but recently found” sequel. Mountain climbers prepping to scale Everest often ask to take a trial-run up my penis first. the first base camp is just below mid-shaft. Oxygen is required to get anywhere near the head.
I’m very humble. I’m better than nobody.
I am the Creator of the Universe. I like anonymity, so I let some bloke (God somebody?) take all the credit. I am personally responsible for every butterfly’s wing, every snowflake, every rainbow.
When people pray, they pray to me.
[And Edgar Allan Poe’s raven - that was me]
~Raven
I kill 99% of bacteria.
I slice, dice and mince in three easy steps.
I replace all of these household items.
Shakespeare plagerized my work.
I’m Tubadiva’s and Cecil Adams love child
Oh, and the prostitute gave the money back!
Two nights ago I ate an entire half-pound of Gouda cheese, single-handedly.
Yes, you may touch me.
The water under the bridge is both cold and deep.
Guess how I know.
(Hint: When people say they wouldn’t touch something with a ten foot pole, my name comes to their mind…)
I am better than sliced bread at almost everything !
I AM the Dark Overlord, the whom you must, at all costs, obey!
I AM the Master of Your Destiny, all those who hear my voice tremble!
I AM the storehouse for all esoteric and useless knowledge in the universe!
I AM a great speller, darnit!
besides all that, I smell minty fresh!
Every couple of years or so I completely shed my skin.
I am Deja Vu. You’ve seen me before only because I reside in your genetic memory. You won’t remember I’ve been here, but you’ll be profoundly moved as a result.
I am a cipher, a cipher wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce.
I have feet and feet of beautiful blonde hair-- and a nubile gymnast to carry it around for me.
“beautiful”? My middle name.
I play every instrument ever invented, in fact, I invented half of them. (kazoo, anyone?)
I sing like a siren, perform with the muses in the audience, wowing them into a stunned silence, whilst the gods sit quietly, marveling at what they could not create.
I am a repository of all knowledge, reading, and wit.
Math is my good subject.
I have groupies.
I have cheese.