Theodore Geisel and A.A. Milne I have helped their charming little writing careers along.
I sold Walter Disney swamp land in Florida.
I humbly gave my family’s recipe’s to Ben and Jerry.
Martha Stewart calls me for decorating ideas.
I own the copy rights to " Shake you Groove thing"
I have translated Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem, “To Rosemounde” into current English, keeping both the iambic pentameter & rhyme scheme perfectly intact.
(Well, I’m working on it, anyway. I knew I shouldn’t’ve signed up for a freaking Chaucer class.) 
I have translated Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem, “To Rosemounde” into current English, keeping both the iambic pentameter & rhyme scheme perfectly intact.
(Well, I’m working on it, anyway. I knew I shouldn’t’ve signed up for a freaking Chaucer class.)
…Did I mention that I’m an expert at the art of the double-post?
My pseudonym is William Shakespeare, I invented carbon, and I put the caramel in the Caramilk bar
I still got all the fame.
Cite? Pictures?
I am the original sin. Not only am I the Alpha and the Omega, I am also the Beta and the Psi as well. I can drink the Devil under the table and still get it up to bugger him afterwards. And he’ll call me back the next day for a second date. I slapped the Mark of Cain of his ugly mug. I never pee lest I extinguish the sun. Ozymandius looks upon my works and despairs. I have parsecs to go before I sleep. Hawking gets his ideas from my drunken ramblings. Not only are Fear and Death my friends, they were groomsmen at my wedding to their sister, Madness. I smoked the cigar when Clinton was done with it. I am the thing that causes Cthulhu to wake up in the night screaming. I know where Jimmy Hoffa is and I was the only gunman in Dallas. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one can hear you scream.
There are pics up somewhere…
I am the wind beneath your wings.
I taught Polycarp how to read.
I have the One Ring and I’m not afraid to use it.
I posted the LOTR thread over at Slashdot.
I wrote the book of Love.
I am Music, and I write the songs.
GPS asks me for directions.
I put the O in Orgasm.
Winona Ryder is my condom.
Vivalostwages thinks I’m cool.
Everyone can lick my balls.
Inexplicably, Andean mountain goats worship me.
A girl once told me that I’m a beautiful man…
…although she was drunk at the time
I developed all of the earth-to-moon orbital calculations for NASA in the 60’s when I was only 7 years old. Furthermore, I was waiting for Neil and Buzz when they arrived at the Sea of Tranqulity. Me and my Dad built a soap-box spaceship and took a weekend and flew up there.
I was the guy that told Boeing to buid the 747. And I flew the first prototype when I was only 9 years old. I saved Boeing’s ass on that one, because they didn’t listen to my suggestions about the brakes and I had to burn out the tires on the first landing so as not to plow into the airport terminal building.
Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennigs and Dan Rather all speak MY words.
I am the complete embodyment of life, light and being.
And, I ride a Harley Davidson Motorcycle - jealous, aren’t you?
(this is kinda fun … :D)
My daily lotto winnings go to support the widows of orphans. I have given both of my kidneys to blind-deaf-cancer patients. I regularly win at three card monte. When I throw a coin in the air it does not come down. When I go to Africa female elephants stampede towards me because my musk is so strong. Regular woman start ovulating when I walk into the room. My looks CAN kill. The Pope and the Dali Lama come to me for spiritual advice. I have lent money to Forbes and Gates. Lightning has struck me seventeen times in one hour (I called it down to help me stay awake after I had been up for three hundred hours building a particle accelerator out of a microwave). I have raced the sun, fought the law and disregarded the odds. My victories are never assumed but always assured.
When I “whip it out” all who behold its towering deity like life-giving greatness, cannot help but fall to their knees and “worship” my man-ness…and all who witness “it” swear to a blinding god-like light emitted from the love-sausage…
[size=1]…this causes problems at the urinal BTW[/size}
In former lives, I was Julius Ceaser, FDR, Marylin Monroe, and Mr Ed.
Bill Gates is my pool boy.
Antonio Banderas has chained himself to my headboard. It was fun, but he really need to go home to his wife.
[warms up singing voice…]
I was born about ten thousand years ago.
There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know.
I saw Peter, Paul, and Moses
Playing “Ring Around the Roses”,
And I’ll whip the guy who says it isn’t so!
I taught Samson how to use his mighty hands,
Showed Columbus how to read these happy lands,
And for Pharoh’s little kiddies,
I built all the pyramid-ies,
And to the Sahara carried all the sands.
I am currently involved in a lawsuit with the DC Comics, the publisher of Superman.
They have no right to print that trash about me!
And Lois has a much bigger rack than that!
You are all mere germs compared to what I can do. Nay, you are the slime on germs in comparison.
Behold:
I understand women.
Yes! It is true. No, you may not touch me you unworthy creatures. Lest you think I not speak the truth, behold:
Let x be > 0.
x^2 = x + x + x + x + x + x + … x times
d(x^2)/dx = d(x + x + x + x + x + … )/dx
2x = 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + … x times
2x = x
remember, x> 0… therefore, divide by x on both sides:
2 = 1
Thus, I can understand contradiction and confusion. I understand women.
I know how to answer: “does this dress make me look fat?”
I know what “fine” means in every context.
I know what that silence means.
What? You want more proof? Oh ye of little faith.
Go thee unto these boards. Amongst the dribble and blabber ye shall find threads abound of descriptions of people of all kinds. Amongst everyone, ye shall find:
As you find this in all places, so shall you realize the completeness of my understanding.
Be gone, now, and praise my name.
I am the reason dinosaurs are extinct. I inspired Michaelangelo’s vision for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. My likeness is watermarked on all currency worldwide. I’ve found Atlantis. I hold a patent on a hydrogen extractor that will allow automobiles to use water as fuel. I was on the grassy knoll
Or the greatness of my rack, as the case may be.