Like Luke Skywalker being guided to the Dagobah System by the ghostly voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, I now know what I must do.
Date Jewish girls!
Hell, date Jewish boys.
OH MY GOSH. Too Much Information, indeed!
Oh my, I guess I have to confess something myself.
When we were kids, my sister boiled a dead rat on the stove. She wanted to boil away the flesh to get the the skeleton, (she always had a weird mind - she later became a nurse.) However, she didn’t know that boiling the poor dead thing would only make a disgusting gluey mess out of it. I was pretty small, but I remember the smell, and my mom shrieking as she discovered it. She just threw away the pan.
During my vacation last month, I was on a road trip up the entire state of California. Aunt Flo visited when I was driving into Ukiah (N. of SF) and took me by surprise. Suffice it to say, I dodged a bullet and did NOT stain the rental car seat, but I was mighty glad that the Motel 6 in Ukiah had a laundromat.
And I know that tidbit of TMI pales in comparison to SPOOFE, Homer and Ender and the rest of you, but I am a petite delicate flower, so that’s the best I can do. So there.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Lizard *
**
Yep, us Jew girls are little sluts. You should see us at our dances and stuff. God am I going to miss this when I graduate.
Here I was, planning on making all kinds of pals on here… and now Im gonna destroy everyones pristine image of me by pulling all of my skeletons out of the proverbial closet and dancing around with them.
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The first time I gave head, I was in a movie theater. The catch? It was the old people/kids matinee showing of Aladdin. =)
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When my son was 2 years old, he walked out of my moms room with a cucumber. I was willing to accept -any- explanation for the misplaced vegetable, until my moms face turned beet red, she immediately washed my sons hands, threw the cucumber away and called to her husband, “Jerry, they found the cucumber.” shudder I sat in a corner, rocking back and forth for the rest of the day.
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I let a dog go down on me to impress someone I was sleeping with. ahem
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Im obsessive when it comes to pimples. I cant stand to leave them unpopped. This is incredibly inconvenient because other people generally dont want you popping their pimples.
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I always win the “What was the strangest thing you’ve masturbated with?” My answer: A dagger.
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I have a thing for fisting. ouch
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I faked every orgasm I had with anyone for the first 5 years of my sex life.
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I clean my ears compulsively. If theres nothing to clean out of my ears, I almost feel let down. smirk
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I dont like the way babies smell. I feel awful about it. But yick.
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Ive slept with someone to get credits on a local BBS.(I was young… and really addicted to BBSing)
Gah… this is getting extensive.
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I thought I was a lesbian, I dated my lesbian roomate for a month before realizing, No. No, Im not a lesbian.
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Almost a year after this discovery, I ended up getting a little tipsy while housesitting for my parents. I had a bunch of girls over in a little 4’ pool in their backyard and I distinctly remember kissing most of them and having two of them on either nipple. So much for the “Im straight” bit.
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I just realized every sexual encounter Ive had with girls involved alcohol or pot.
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I once stopped off at my friend(that I occasionally slept with)'s house because it was on the way to my boyfriends house… Made out with him and engaged in heavy petting until I was completely hot, left and had sex with my boyfriend about 20 minutes later.
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Ive picked my nose and will probably do it again.
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I masturbate. Often. Usually in the shower and with the assistance of a pulsating showerhead.
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I can never find a matching pair of socks. And I often steal my roomate/boyfriends socks to make up for it.
Im pretty sure the Karma police are putting out an APB on me as we speak, so Im gonna go find a rock to climb under until this blows over.
Well, I may as well. Exactly a year ago this Wednesday night I was at a USY dance (yep, the slutty Jew girls again). There were four girls sitting on one guy. None of us were on anything, and we all spent about four hours just trading off partners. It was an extremely fun night, and my first ever lesbian experience.
And while I’m at it, this summer I had a 3 some with my boyfriend and a mutual female friend and the two of them tied my hands and feet down to the bed so I couldn’t move.
**
It was an extremely fun night, and my first ever lesbian experience.
And while I’m at it, this summer I had a 3 some with my boyfriend and a mutual female friend and the two of them tied my hands and feet down to the bed so I couldn’t move. **
[/QUOTE]
hypergirl I dont think this qualifies as TMI, but NEI, Not Enough Information.
- You and I would probably get along great, malkavia, because due to my ex I’ve grown very accustomed to having my pimples popped… grown to enjoy it to some extent, even. Leaves me feeling kind of cleansed. The poisons have left the building! Plus, her ministrations considerably upped my pain tolerance after five or so years of this.
In fact, when I last saw her (after some two months absence), I got her to work on one I’d been fermenting on my back, much like Enderw23’s. This thing was DEEP. She started with the usual fingernails, but soon moved up to hot washcloths and extremely sharp tweezers. Most of the story went like Ender’s, except about halfway through there was an audible snap! followed by an even more audible oath from her… and I looked up and around to see that it had left a blood track on the CEILING of my hotel room! Mind you, I was bent over at the waist, elbows on the table, so this thing shot a good 4 ft vertical. Beat THAT, those of you with bodily ejecta stories! Do I get some sort of Doper title for this? “Doper with highest internal blemish pressure?” Something?
For the record, I don’t grow these a lot. You wouldn’t have to worry about ducking, or losing your vision, if you met me in person.
2. One time only, I was involved in a threesome. At one point in the proceedings, I had the index and middle fingers of each hand deep into the two ladies - and my fingers weren’t touching, if you get my drift. I consider this the high point of my sexual career.
3. My feet are really incredibly dry, cracked, and scaly on the bottom, all the time. They’ve been unfavorable compared to loofahs. The one time I remember this condition abating was after a long night of dancing on my honeymoon a decade ago. Apparently, I danced myself smooth. Try to fit THAT sentence into your day!
I guess I must be some kind of nutjob, because I’ve found the funniest parts of this thread not the stories, but people’s reactions to them… “I need to go boil my eyes,” and “I need to bleach my brain,” etc. Especially Clog-boy’s:
Hmm… I don’t know if I can add anything new and remain entertaining at the same time.
Instead, I’ll just say… malkavia, I like you.
Now, does anyone have a spare sheep or border collie I can borrow? I’ve got a record to maintain.
In an attempt to outdo myself… Oh yes, I -will- win this as far as being the female with the most TMI dirt… (and possible in hopes of gaining favour with Spoofe, of course) Ive remembered a couple I should add to the list.
I might be the only 22 yr old girl who’s ever gotten off while mentally indulging in a very detailed fantasy including Walter Matthau (while he was alive, of course) as an older relative or general figure of authority, saddle shoes (Those cute shoes Emo girls wear… the ones you probably used to wear to Sunday School), cuffed white socks, and a schoolgirls outfit.
That might even top the whole dog thing. chuckle Mind you, once I get off, it doesnt seem nearly as enticing as it did the moment before, but geez.
roots through closet for more skeletons lets see… here’s that rape/submission fantasy…too overdone, blech… uhmmm… I dont wear underwear because Im too lazy to put that many pieces of clothing together in the morning and they just dont strike me as necessary. I mean, christ. Im a girl… its not like anythings gonna dangle and get stuck on the wrong side of my crotch seam.
Guh. Why’re most of my skeletons sex related?! Im seriously not a whore, you guys. =) its just that nothing else is quite as entertaining as little tidbits of information like… Once I decided I wanted to know what it felt like to be “filled out like an application”, and ended up with two dildos in the front and one in the back before I slipped in the shower (This is such an amusing mental image, Im sure) and vowed never to insert anything into my ass when theres a chance of slipping and injuring myself EVER AGAIN.
Boy, Im really securing my place here, huh?
I dont come close to the guys answers for whats the weirdest thing you’ve stuck up your ass… =( I think my answer would probably have to be… someone elses tongue. Its funny what you’ll do in the heat of the moment. Yeesh.
Wow. This is so much fun. I almost want to become Catholic so I can print this out and read it in confession.
Thats all I can think of for now… Expect more when I stop blocking memories. smirk
Okay, I vowed to never post in this thread, but the little devil sitting on my shoulder made me do it.
When I was in hospital a few years ago, laying in bed, I had to vomit. The nurse didn’t get there in time and I projectile vomited onto the fan hanging out of the ceiling. She walked in and I was all “…I vomited…points to roof” She was completely and utterly shocked that I managed to vomit so far and so high.
Quite impressive, actually.
I shave my pubes off completely. I like the bare feel.
I’ve done some other stuff but I’m so not going there.
Hmm… I don’t think I like you anymore…
(I’m just kidding, of course :D)
Uhhhh, can I ask how you did that? If you mean “in the front” in the way I think you mean “in the front”, that is…
Also, I find it rather amusing that a poster with the SN BigGiantHead shared a pimple-popping story.
Very good, AudreyK, I hadn’t caught my own irony there. I think the best laughs are the ones we have at our own expense.
And as far as “how she did that,” well I mean it’s fairly obvious, isn’t it? And judging from some of the pics I’ve seen around the internet, not all that challenging . . .
Oh, I totally forgot about that mini-flashlight I stuck up my anus a couple times.
Anyone ever masturbate while looking at a cartoon character? I have, many times. Betty and Veronica of Archie comics are the most notable.
Sometimes while sitting on the john, I’ll tug gently on my pubic hairs, releasing a few. I’ll make a little pile on my thigh, and smell my fingers, which smell will somehow peanutty.
I’ve shoplifted girls’ panties for use in masturbation fantasies. I’ve been caught shoplifting once, but not for stealing panties, thank God.
When my sister’s friends would come to sleep over, I would often steal their underwear, look at it while I masturbated, then return it.
In my much younger days, I would tie myself up naked in my room using things like karate belts and neckties, and stay there for a predetermined length of time (1/2 hour, hour, whatever) as part of a fantasy that I was a slave.
The first method I used to masturbate was to make a heap of blankets and hump the shit out of it until I had an orgasm. This was not the best way to keep my blankets clean. I didn’t yet understand that cum left a stain.
In my early days of masturbation, I used a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog that I took out of the mail. Later on, when my mom was helping me clean my room, she found it and said, “How did my catalog get here?” I just froze and blurted out, “What catalog?”
I once (or twice) drank toilet water as part of yet another submission based masturbation fantasy. It was “clean” toilet water. As clean as toilet water can be when it’s coming from a dirty toilet.
I had multiple orgasms once when I was really, really, really stoned. In fact, the intensity of my orgasms becomes much much greater when I’m stoned, and getting to orgasm takes probably 3 to 4 times as long. I hope to lose my virginity while stoned.
I’ve received fellatio once, from a girl who proclaimed herself a lesbian, but was really attracted to me for some reason. She was really bad at it, and I could only have an orgasm by thinking of someone else.
I’m the oldest virgin I know (although I’ve also rarely known anyone to admit to being a virgin, I just know that most or all of my friends are not). I’m 19.
I’m 19 and a virgin as well. We got virgins here up to like 35 or so, I think.
I have a serious case of the hots for girls with blue hair in Japanese animation. I want to meet a real woman with natural blue hair, not old lady blue either. I guess this is why I am alone.
When I go to sleep at night I often fantasize…
…that I am a superhero.
I save my finger and toenail clippings in an old Maxwell House coffee can so I cannot be cloned without my knowledge.
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I farted last night when my boyfriend was in the bathroom. There was still a green fog when he came back in the living room so I blamed my son. My son was yelling “I didn’t fart, SHE did!” Of course, knowing what a lady I am, my boyfriend believed me.
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I had sex in the Sunday matinee showing of Ernest Goes to Jail.
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Me and a coworker had sex, during work hours, on the mainframe computer, locked up in the computer room. A large office was just on the other side of the wall.
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I was screwing around on the computer and found an ad on Yahoo Personals that was placed by my next door neighbor. I messed with him for a while and then nicely broke things off. He never had a clue it was me.
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I have had hot phone sex with an old AOL SDMB reg.
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When I am talking on the phone, I pretend that I am going to tell my best friend a deep, dark secret, then once she is listening closely, I stick the phone by my ass and fart.
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I have flicked a booger out of my car window.
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If I knew how to go about it and was promised big bucks, I would work as a phone sex operator.
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Once while swimming in Flaming Gorge with my sister, her husband, and an old boyfriend, I got a sudden urge to poop, so I did.
Me too, very happily in fact.
[li]I was once nearly suffocated by my own breasts. I may have dies if my fiancee did not help me up.[/li]
[li]I too love to pop zits and spen hours each week on hubby’s. I love the ones that explode, but the best ones are where cheesy material slowly crawls out like a worm emerging form a hole.[/li]
[li]My vibrator, which was purchased in a grocery store, once caught fire during use. Burns were minor and a friend of mine repaired it. He was under 18 and not in anyway a boyfriend, i was and am married, just handy with electrical repairs.[/li]
I am addicted to Biore pore strips.