The TMI Thread

Like mother, like daughter! swoon

Oh, it is! :smiley:

Hmm, what can I add… sheesh, you know I can’t compare with most of you freeks!
But let’s see anyways…

I was cutting lumber today and when I came home I pulled two ticks off of myself in the bathtub. Likewise, a few days ago I had two ticks on me and one just happened to be burroughed just inches from my… ahem - nutz. :eek:

I once made love to a Schizophrenic AND a Manic Depressive while on LSD.

A number of years ago I masturbated on an open stretch of highway (in South Carolina while on a solo roadtrip), whilst going 100 mph.

I once got naked (except for my shoes and socks), and drove around the countryside for a few hours in the early early morning. Heh, glad I didn’t get pulled over.

Bah, what the heck, this is the TMI thread!

I once slept with another doper only knowing her by her board name.

Well, if he HAD been on your… ahem - nutz, he would have had a nice salty treat. Imagine… getting the beverage without ending up with a sore jaw!

Lucky tick…

:smiley:

This girl and I have had sex on and off since high school (3yrs). In the beggining we would try to think up a kinkier sex act each night, to top the others one from the night before. We have a “safe word” if one of us goes to far, but see the thing is we each put five dollars in each time we spend together, and the first person to use the safe word loses. We both decided in the begining it was just between us and that we wouldn’t make each other do things with other people. Nothing that leaves marks is one little rule we have but we both can endure pain so, we moved on to other things.

—One night I had her perform orally on me in front of the window in her den, so all the neighbors and people driving up and down the road could see.

—Some night after that she made me dress in drag, then tied me up and proceeded to put makeup on me, I went with it. She had me perform orally on her, while still tied up. (she sat on my face) At this point I was really ready to go, but no she gets up and goes to the bathroom, comes back out with a strap-on. She puts it on, while I keep on saying “what do you think your going to do with that?”

She puts it on with this big smile, then goes down on me. She takes me right up to the point where I’m going to explode, then stops. After some debating (she was going to leave me hard and tied to the bed, and we do that stuff to each other if we won’t go through with the others plans) I agree to suck the plastic dick. I do for awhile while she gives me pointers, while she reaches over to play with mine, keeping me hard and ready to explode.

Then she says if I can’t deep throat this plastic cock, she’d have to fuck me in the ass, because I wasn’t a good cock sucker like her. So I tried and started gagging.

So she takes my legs and ties them to the bed posts, (still back down on the bed gaurding my ass) then goes down on me, then takes her finger and starts playing with my bunghole. At first I was like no…no…no… but then she just pushed it in and there wasn’t anything I could do.
So she brings me right up to climax again and says “there is only way I’ll end up letting you come…turn over.” She takes the ropes and ties them to the other bed post, so I’m face first in to the bed she puts a pilow under my stomache, as so my ass is up in the air.

Now this entire time I’m begging her to do something else anything else, but I wanted to win our little bet, plus this thing of pride was involved. I’m the kinkiest, or thats what I kept telling myself.

She starts playin with it, then starts licking it, now I have to admit this did feel good, so she then moves on to lube it, then I screamed, and screamed it hurt so bad. But never once did I use the “safe word” after the initial pain it kinda felt good, I’ve never found guys attractive so I won’t worry about that or anything.

—Oh and once I made her masterbate at the table in a restuarante, some mom and pop kinda place.

—Sex in dressing rooms at the mall.

—An a sortment of sex costumes, one of her choice, that I really found erotic was I pretended to sneak into the house, then rape her. Ya weird but, it was crazy. She did the whole innocent victim thing where she tried to fight back and stuff, I knew where to stop because we have the “safe word”, but she never used it, I remember that one got really rough.

There’s been alot more mostly really weird places and stuff.

I seriously date all the wrong people.

During the summer after 5th grade, I visited my cousins in Austin, TX. We were at a McDonald’s, playing on the outdoor playplace. There was a rod attached to a set of stairs, and one would slide down it, kind of like they show firemen doing on TV. I thought, “I wonder if I could climb up it.” I grabbed hold, and jumped as high as I can, and wrapped my legs around the pole.

Damn!

I had also jumped forward, besides upward. My groin slammed into the pole. Oh God, it hurt! I ran into the bathroom and pulled down my pants to see if there was any damage. I had cut my labia majora (I think that’s the term). Luckily, the cut wasn’t very big so I didn’t have to worry about blood seeping through my panties. I never told anyone about it.
While I’m thinking about it, I have a question for the ladies with bald groins: Do you shave the labia, too? Or just the majority of the hair? I’m kinda scared to take a razor to the lips.

FireUnderpantsBoobs:

Yes I do. Very slowly and very carefully.

The trick is to take a hot bath first,use shaving gel but not too much,a brand new razor and a mirror.
But most importantly…** TAKE YOUR TIME. DO NOT RUSH. **

In the true spirit of the TMI thread,

WHO?

Once on this message board I acidentally posted links to nekked pics of myself. That would have been way, way TMI.

I’m so glad this thread is back! I occasionally see references to it in other threads and feel happy that I’ve made my personal mark on the SDMB landscape. Of course, I couldn’t make my mark by resolving the abortion debates or inspiring my fellow Dopers with a life-changing philosophy. It has to be by talking about my armpit cheese.

Which, by the way, is still there.

I will listen endlessly to stories about menstruation from any woman willing to talk about it with me. I want to more fully understand the female experience.

The tube sock I jerked off into at college became so encrusted with jism that it was so extremely stiff that it hurt my dickhead to stick it in there.

Jeez, I already exposed most of my disgusting secrets the first time 'round.

I like to scrape the crud out from under my finger and toenails and smell it.

I just recently found out that this is supposedly unusual: I wipe my ass standing up. Turns out, according to my friends at least, that most people just lean and wipe while sitting on the toilet seat. Are they serious?! Sounds like some crazy story to me. That would put your hand dangerously close to a tepid pool of shit-water. Anyway, here’s how my wiping works. I spread my left ass cheek with my left hand, and stick a wad of paper against my anus as snugly as possible. Then I clench my ass cheeks together, hold for a couple seconds, then take the paper out, look at it, and throw it in the toilet. Repeat until the shit coming off is negligible.

Did I mention the competitions that a visiting teen-evangelist set up back in my Christian school? Each class challenged every other class to some disgusting feat. Our class’s challenge (my idea) was to eat 15 sheets of toilet paper. (Our original ideas included eating crackers out of the toilet, but the powers that be didn’t exactly go for it.) We made it out like a race. I won. By a long shot. Another class’s challenge was to eat dog biscuits in a nasty, sticky flour paste. I won that one, too.

I once masturbated thinking about my cousin.

I am a hot pepper junkie. Recently, I’ve been noticing that my shit is giving off the pungent odor of hot peppers. Of course, I get a nice second-time-through dose from the hot peppers on the way out. It’s not quite as enjoyable as the mouth burning, but I can deal with it, and even enjoy it, because I am truly addicted to hot peppers, and a fix is a fix.

The best place I have ever had sex was in the City Lights bookstore in San Francisco.

There is a good-sized zit on my foreskin.

Not even an hour ago, I was on the recieving end of some absolutly fantastic oral pleasure, down by the dam.

Last time I went on holiday to Scotland, my partner and I were stuck inside the campervan while it rained outside. We eventually found a way to “amuse” ourselves, forgetting that we had left the lights on and the curtains open.

When we finished the job, we slumped back in the seats in a daze. Only then did we see that, while we were busy, another campervan had parked up next to us. And that its inhabitants were staring at us, pointing and giggling. We promptly pulled the curtains, got dressed and sped off in search of another campsite :smiley:

God, I have to start spending more time in MPSIMS

I did my basic training and AIT at Ft Dix. One of my squad members (I’ll call him Bob) hadn’t returned from pass an hour before lights out, so I went out to retrieve him. I found Bob at the first place I looked, the Flamingo club, Ft Dix’s bar for trainees. I had to carry him over my shoulders across Doughboy field to the barracks, almost a mile. When I dropped him onto his bunk it was obvious that he had passed out and messed his pants. I was so thoroughly pissed at him for jeopardizing our priveleges that I whipped out my unit and pissed on him. The whole squad was in the room, so we did some male bonding and had a little pissing party on Bob. Jack couldn’t piss with all 5 of us watching so we turned out the lights for him. The next morning (Sunday), Bob confided in me that he had to quit drinking because he wet the bed. I looked him in the eye and said: “It’s OK, Bob. I won’t tell anyone.”

A few years later I drank Waaay too much (mostly tequila) one night at a house party with a band and blacked out. I came to the next morning with my jacket and shirt off, boots still on and my pants pulled down to my ankles. No big deal yet. The bed was full of puke, most of it in my pubes. The bed was also full of piss and shit. I balled up the sheets and quilt and threw them out the window into the pyrocantha bush 3 floors below, I crawled into the bathroom I shared with the guy across the hall and took a quick shower. I got out my sleeping bag and laid down on the floor because that bed stank. My friends who brought me home from the party (a straight couple) told me later that they dragged me up the 3 floors to my studio apartment, put me on the bed and started making out on the couch. I stood up, whipped out my cock and shouted “Let’s fuck! Right here and now, damn it!” then passed back out. A couple months later the landlord hired a Central American immigrant to cleane up the bedding out of the bushes. I said the guy below me did it as he ahd already moved out.

Fortunately, I quit drinking 7 years ago.

I can’t believe I missed this thread all this time! I LOVE the SDMB!

You people are sick!!:smiley:

The whole time I was reading this thread, I was racking my brains trying to find a good TMI story, but I got nothing that can’t be found elsewhere… and I thought I was pretty sick and twisted!:frowning:

I’ll have to try harder, I guess…

Okay, some good old-fashioned menstrual TMI is called for here. Plus, I just have to get this out of my system.

The first time I spent the night with a new boyfriend, I happened to be on my period. In the morning, we were going to shower together. I could tell that I really needed to change my tampon before anything else happened, but he was already in the bathroom with the shower going and I didn’t feel comfortable enough making him get out of the bathroom so I could do my business. Sooo, I told him, “Just a minute!” and decided to do my changing in his bedroom. No sooner had I pulled out the tampon, a gush of menstrual blood came flowing out onto the carpet on the middle of his bedroom floor. What’s worse, as the tampon swung forward with the velocity of leaving my body, it flung an arc of menstrual blood across the wall and his dresser. It really looked quite lovely, if you ignored the fact of what it was.

I finished changing, joined him in the shower, got down on my knees like a good little girlfriend, pleasured him orally beyond his wildest desires, and then while he was leaning back against the shower wall in post-orgasmic bliss, I said, “So, you’ve got some good carpet cleaner, right?”

He was very cool about it, said something like, “I figure it comes with the territory of having a girlfriend.” Hmm… I told him to just keep believing that. That’s right, boys, just having a girlfriend means you must accept menstrual blood art in your bedroom.

The only thing I can compete with is the weird masturbation stories.

Weirdest thing I’ve ever had in my vagina: a shooter marble. I was reading some old book that said women in imperial China or some such place had heavy steel or porcelain balls that they stuck up against the cervix, then rocked back and forth. So I figured a shooter marble would do pretty well. I stuck it in and started rocking – nothing. After about 20 minutes of nothing (I can’t even feel it) I decide to give up and go to sleep. I go in the bathroom and realize I can’t get it out. I spent the next 15 minutes hopping up and down. Nothing. I eventually kneel down on the bathroom floor and try to pop it out with my index finger. Did I mention I was having a very bad yeast infection at the time?

When I was a teenager, I had an imaginary sex slave.

The first thing I was ever physically aroused by was a documentary on R. Crumb. Oh God, the big-legged women!!!

I have masturbated on every single canoe trip I’ve ever been on, in a crowded movie threater (several times, and no, I don’t remember which movies), and in my high school bathroom.

And I did not get caught. bows

I have a poo poo fetish.

'Scuse me while I go to the bathroom…

Okay, the lack of details is what makes this the ickiest thing I’ve read. INCLUDING The Life and Times of Oldscratch and His Dog.

Poor dog …

This is my first post on this message board…geez, I couldn’t resist registration after reading this.

*I used to hump my teddy bear’s face while trying to get off.
*I used to turn to porn channels that I didn’t get, and listen to them while I masturbated.
*I have thought of everyone from my dad to my best friend while masturbating.
*I apparently masturbate a lot.
*I use my mom’s massager as a…er…“pleasure device”.