The TMI Thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
301

You guys are seriously disturbed…

Now’s my turn to contribute!! :smiley:

I remember once, when I was younger (around age 10, although I really wish I could forget) I was looking for a blank videocassette for a school project. Now, if you had ever seen my mother’s organizational skills (which are non-existant) you would understand why I literally had to look around the whole house just to find one. Finally, I found a cassette, unmarked, and on top of the hutch. I reached for the tape, and was hoping that I had finally found a blank cassette for use for the project. I walk over to the TV, turn on the VCR, and pop the tape in. With mild apprehension, I slowly reach over and hit the play button on the VCR. For a split second, the sound of static fills the room as the tape begins to play, and the glorious sight of Blank Tape Snow[sup]tm[/sup] dances across the screen, for all of about 5 seconds. Out of the snow, an image appears on the screen, and my joy over having found a blank video quickly turns to horror as I realize what is before my eyes…

It was a video, of my mom, in lingerie, fellating my dad.

I let out a shreik, realizing what was on that tape, then cover my eyes, and fumble around for the stop button. Luckily at the time, no one was home, but the horror!

Needless to say, I promptly replaced the tape to it’s place in the hutch. After a few minutes of shock and utter disgust, I ran to the basement, curled up in a ball, and spent the next few hours bleaching my eyeballs.

Every now and then, something will remind me of that day, and I literally feel sick. No child should ever have to suffer like I did on that day. It is wrong. Come to think of it, I am going to be sick now, TTYL

302

firstly, i’m a med student, which is TMI anyhow, but explains the story better.

i bought an apple from the grocery yesterday, and lacking a pocketknife i used the scalpel in my dissecting kit to peel it and remove the core… this is a scalpel which had been in the rectum of a cadaver the day before.

i’m bringing my own cutlery to college from now on.

303

Nah, not very often. Like I said, it feels interesting… but not particularly erotic. It’s like sticking your finger in your belly button (if you’re an innie)… you can say, “Hey, I have my finger in my belly button!”, but the novelty wears off real quick.

And, no, I don’t live alone. But I DO have a lock on my bedroom door.

304

I never get cotton stuck in my ear when I swab out me ears.

But I would have to agree, that sticking anything in your penis causes more pain than pleasure.

305

So I’m thinking, maybe, I should, like, post another story here.

I’m not looking to top Oldscratch here, or wherever he is (Shane come back!), but I figure that I just might edge out Spoofe. That’s really all I’m looking for here. That little prick has gone too far! Oh, and so has Spoofe. :slight_smile:

Last night I broke my Eagles CD.

Now you’re all sitting there at your computers scratching your heads, thinking, “WTF? This is too much information?” Well, I guess, if you’re a Don Henley fan, this is already too much information and you’ve turned away in disgust. And you’d be right to do so. I mean, it was The Greatest Hits, Volume 2, which is a damn good album so I’m kinda pissed off about it.
But anyway, for the rest of you, that’s not the whole story. I’m just trying to ease you in here.

See, I broke it while masturbating.

No, no, no, I didn’t stick my dick through the hole in the center and spin it around. Let’s be rational here. Not only would that have been a REALLY tight fit, but it probably would have made me president of the John Wayne Bobbit fan club in the process.

I’m sitting there studying last night, when all of the sudden a thought pops into my head. This wasn’t an original thought (none of them are). It was something I had read about a long time ago but never put into practice. Never wanted to. Until last night.
It was a new way to masturbate that I read somewhere on the internet. Probably through Savage Love.
All you need is some moisturizing lotion (I used Ahava, which was the only thing available at the moment which is a shame because it truly is the best lotion ever and shouldn’t be wasted on my nether regions), a Ziploc bag, and a bed with two matresses or a matress and a boxspring. It’s like a mini MacGyver project!

Now, what you do is put a goodly amount of lotion into the baggie and mush it all around inside. Then put the baggie in between the two parts of the bed and open it up. The weight of the top matress presses down against the baggie and the curve of the matresses allows an opening. Is everyone taking notes?
Now, you stick your dick inside of this and (so I had read) it feels just like a vagina. So I did. And God damned if it didn’t feel just like a vagina! I mean, there’s no hair on the outside of the matress and the matress doesn’t move with me or anything (which I thought was rude. Considering the number of times we’d slept together previously the least it could do is fake it), but it felt just like a vagina inside.
But the opening was just a touch too high. So I pulled the comforter off the bed and put it under my knees and went thrusting away at a baggie full of Israeli minerals.
The great thing about this is that you don’t even need kleenex to aim for at the end. You’re fucking a Ron Jeremy sized condom already.

Anyway, after all is said and done, I get up, pick up the comforter, and there, on the ground, is my Eagles CD, smashed to smithereens. It truly was a Victim of Love.

306

Shane? :confused:

307

Oh, c’mon, guys, I haven’t been that disgusting in this thread, have I? :frowning:

308

Well…
I think to be truly disgusting you have to abuse another person/place/or thing, and so I don’t think you are disgusting (strange and somewhat repulsive, but not disgusting.)

Oldscratch on the other had is disgusting. When anything, be it a dog or a man, licks a dog’s asshole, it becomes disgusting. Christ, how could you do such a thing?

So no Spoofe, I don’t consider you disgusting, but that twisted ass-licking Scratch is disgusting.

Not that I didn’t find his stories funny though.

309

damnit, SPOOFE, I don’t care how far you’ve gone. I just wanna beat you!

[sub]oh, and win the contest too[/sub]

310

I was taking this long hike through the backcountry in Yellowstone N.P. With about two miles to go before I got back to the campground, I felt the pressure of a big number two coming on. I couldn’t just drop trou then and there because I was with about 7 other people who I had only known for a short period of time.

Anyway, I do my best to walk/waddle the last two miles (thank God it was mainly downhill). And I’m eyeballing the outhouse in the campground like a starving dog lusting after a T-bone steak. It’s about all I can to to keep my ass cheeks together as I make my way to the toilet. Note that this isn’t exactly an outhouse, it’s what’s referred to as a vault toilet. A vault toilet is essentially a big concrete box beneath a toilet seat wherein every bit of nastiness you can imagine (the shit, piss, puke, ooze from bursting pustules, etc.) mingles and ferments for pretty much the whole year (these things are generally pumped out only once after the end of the main visitor season which was probably about a month hence). We were staying in a fairly popular campground so it’s a safe bet that the various discharges from thousands and thousands of other people were all seething beneath me as I lowered my butt onto the seat.

With the power of an anti-tank gun, I let loose and I’m fairly sure that the force of my excrement exiting my body would have been enough to clear the left field fence at Wrigley from home plate. There was a brief fraction of a second when I felt true and utter satisfaction at having relieved myself so thoroughly. Alas, my peaceful relaxation was shattered by the horrific sensation of the backsplash. The cesspool in which I just sent my load was a good 10 feet below the seat. I’m sure neither I nor the engineers who designed this vault toilet ever imagined a backsplash approaching the magnitude of the one I created.

Nonetheless, there I was–ass stinging from the liquid hell from countless previous campers. There was not enough toilet paper on the planet to alleviate that disgusting feeling. Having never felt so dirty, in the literal sense, I took off all my clothes except for the boxer shorts I was wearing and headed straight for the small creek that ran through the campground. There I proceded to sit in cold, flowing water and rub my ass and butthole until the awful sensation stopped. As God is my witness I will never use a vault toilet again.

311

Recently, I began coming to this board everyday. It was really interesting. The thought I might in some way be able to help on the fight against ignorance lifted my spirits, gave me a reason to register, and continue to log on day after day. I knew I also had much to learn, and knew this would be the place to learn it.

I have learned too much. The days of my childlike innocence have been shattered. I can no longer look at a Q-tip the same, to say the least of my girlfriend’s golden retriever.

I blame no one, for the OP stated what the thread was about.
I had no idea things like this transpired, let alone that some of the smartest people I’ve seen on this board would do them.

I must go now, to bleach my eyes, to strike my head hard enough to cause amnesia. Does anyone know how to hypnotise me?

The pain, the pain…

:slight_smile:

312

The q-tip and Lego thing reminded me of something that I saw once on fugly.com (don’t visit if you value the cleanliness of your brain…) where a guy had somehow fit some batteries up there!! and was slowly massaging them back out. I am assuming that they were AAA or something, but geez, that made me curl into the fetal position and whimper, and I dont’ even have the equipment!

313

Batteries? Jeez, when that guy pees, it must look like a garden hose!

314

Last winter I was grading students’ papers on the toilet and I set them on the sink while I got up to wipe and adjust myself. When I swirled around to flush, I knocked all the papers into the brown, brackish water. I wiped them off.

315

Were the papers stained? If I were a student and a teacher handed me a paper that had a brownish stain, I’d probably be a little suspicious.

316

If a teacher gave me brown stained papers, I would assume it was coffee, not shit.

317

Of course you would have thought it was coffee…

And you think that red stuff is ketchup or pizza sauce.

318

Now that’s not nice at all!

319

You mean it in not? :confused:

320

of course its not… Its undercooked meat juice… can’t you see its resemblance to liver puree? Do you not see it ?! CAN YOU SEE?! CAN YOU SEE THAT I AM NOT AFFRAID OF YOU!!!