Oh, yes. OHHH YES! My element! Watch yerself, YosimiteBabe!
Today after I woke up (about 1:30) I masturbated while thinking about a girl I fooled around with a while back. I fantasized about eating her out. She’s got a great rack.
I have a zit on the top of my right buttcheek, right in the crack. I can’t seem to pop the damn thing, but it’s been getting smaller, so no worry.
I had a monster pimple on my back like that, once. Popped about the same way, too.
One time I had a zit on my ass, that, when I popped it, out came a lump of hard-ish puss the size of my pinkie nail.
They buy this horrible toilet paper that makes my ass hurt when I wipe too much. Of course, I have a HORRIBLE diet, so sometimes I eat too much protein and have greasy shit and have to wipe a LOT and it nearly makes my ass bleed.
It seems like whenever I get drunk lately, I get the shits. Puts a cramper on parties, fer shur.
I have hairy nipples, and a hairy chest. I need to trim my pubes, in fact.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m an RN and was working in a hospital where I went in to have rectal surgery. (lesion, benign all fine now thank you)
Well my surgeon was the best in town Dr. Cobb. I had an epidural anesthetic --that’s similar to what you have during childbirth–numb from the waist down. I was given Versed and Demerol in my IV to relax me. The funny thing about Versed is that it removes all your inhibitions and is an amnesiac. It is given so that you won’t have any memories of an unpleasant procedure.
Believe it or not I have on occasion been accused of being a prude. Apparently right in the middle of the surgery I said LOUDLY “Well I guess I do have a Cobb up my ass now” I guess I thought that was so funny I repeated it again. My sister is an Operating Room Rn so of course they told her about the remarks. The only way I can look Dr. Cobb in the face is that I have absolutely no recollection of the event, but I don’t doubt for a second that I said it. :eek:
Enderw23, you are a god. I have had the same thing, but your description was disgustingly perfect!
Unfortunately. I think Spoofe is winning for the TMI award so far. That toothbrush thing was really TMI.
Having already posted TMI about my recent rectal surgery (and I’m not giving you a reference to the thread – if you really want to know you can bloody well search for it) I would like to state, for the record, that I never once made inappropriate remarks about my surgeon while under the influence of the aphrodisiac, um, amnesiac medication they gave me with my epidural. And there was plenty of opportunity too, since the colorectal surgeon’s name was Brown!
There are, however, gaps in my recollection during the procedure. It’s possible that I … nah! I wouldn’t have done that!!
I have had this pimple like thing o the inside of my right thoigh for weeks now. When I stck a needle in it and swish it around, I can feel it popping through stuff. I squeeze out everything I can out of it. Then a few days later i go through the same thing. i think it is a ingrown hair that I can’t get at.
Myhusband prematurely ejaculated last night. I didn’t even know. he was behind me and suddenly everything stopped as he sat up. he tried to play it off like he hadn’t. I told him I wasn’t going to come like this. He said he already had. I made him get me off with other means. As long as he does that, I don’t care if he comes too soon.
Aww, Mermy, I was just needlin’ ya! I have no idea if I said anything stupid or whether I said anything at all. At a different time when I’d received a similar “relaxing” medication I had a vague recollection of regaling the nurse with my life story – nothing really embarassing except the fact that I thought she would care about mundane details of my unexceptional life.
My wife once had a friend tell her, just prior to her (my wife’s) surgery, that people coming out of anesthetic sometimes say stupid things. In consequence, when she woke up she refused to say anything at all. The problem was they were asking her if she was all right, “Do you remember your name? Do you know where you are?”, etc. When she wouldn’t answer they thought there was something seriously wrong!
You could, of course, ask Dr. Cobb if he remembers what you said. This might be a good way to perk up the conversation sometime.
My pits are washed. In fact, I just got out of the shower. I made extra sure to scrub my pits with my body wash, then when I shampooed my head, I also stuck a couple globs of shampoo in my pits. I lathered, rinsed, and even repeated. After getting out of the shower and letting my pits dry, I checked, and the damn stuff is still there. If anything, there’s more of it now. It also has a kinda unpleasant scent. Since I am almost anosmic, the fact that I can detect a faint unpleasant scent means it probably actually reeks to high heaven.
And since someone brought up anal insertion, here’s everything I can ever remember sticking up my ass in wierd masturbation practices:
Finger (the first thing I ever stuck up there. I don’t like the squeezing feeling on my finger, so I don’t really do this much. This particular incident was inspired by seeing this cool ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ cardboard cutout in a bookstore at the mall. Barbara Eden yummy.)
Ballpoint click pens (The first thing I ever stuck in regularly.)
A fountain pen (the round end, of course. This one was a little bigger than the ballpoint, a step up, if you will.)
A highlighter, wrapped in a plastic bag and lubricated with my own saliva. ('nuff said)
A big fat marker, with a lubricated condom on it. (Getting sophisticated here. This was real fun. In fact, I actually gave this marker away to a friend later on. I figured since there was a condom on it, it hadn’t really touched my rectum and was therefore okay. Hell, I still used it. Why not?)
I’m not so good at this game, but here goes. Oh and tzel, your last post actually contained too little info, we want more.
I had a bloody mary with a clam in it. About 4 hours later, I feel a gurgling sound in my stomache. sorta like someone was yanking an elk out of quick sand. Then a rumbling starts. I feel solids converting lto liquids. They start sloshing. Then, they start rising.I rush to the bathroom just in time. Then, my sphincter starts loosening of it’s own will. Didn’t have time to get turned around on the toilet. I swear I can hear the clam talking to me, cursing at me in it’s infernal clam tounge. After 3 more hours fofighting it finally crawls out, pulling it’s sickly infected body from my anus. The next day I could still feel the holes ripped through my intestines.
I can’t beat Enderw23 for the very accurate description… However I’ve got him beat in frequency, location… and maybe pus volume as well.
I get some sort of large bump somewhere on my body at least every few months, either on the back of my neck, my lower jaw, my cheeks, or… my other cheeks. And sometimes in the groin too. Oh, what fun. Dermatological science has thrown up its hands in defeat. Not that many of them knew what they were doing, prescribing antibiotics for things they claimed either “weren’t infected” or were “viral infections.”
And then there was the time a few weeks ago I had to use the old “warm compress/alcohol-soaked needle” trick on this lump on my cheek. I won’t even try to tell you how much junk came out of that. That would be WTMI. (Waaaay too much info.)
You people are all very sick individuals. Disgusting, filthy, slobs. I’m so proud to be here. drewbert, I’m posting this under you, so you better not drip anything on me!
I have resucued many dogs and puppies. This is the thanks I get:
A while back, I had this 2 month old puppy, and he wasn’t housebroken. I had fashioned a small pen in my bedroom for him to stay in at night. Now me, I’m like your average guy - before I go to bed, the pants come off and just get dropped on the floor. Well, apparently the puppy got out while I was asleep.
At that time, I slept nekkid, and occassionally went commando during the day. On this occassion, I did both. I woke up late the next morning, and was in a rush to get to work. I jumped out of bed, pulled my pants on, and OMG WTF :eek: what the hell is this???
The puppy shit in the crotch of my jeans. Great, now I’m really going to be late.
I mean, it probably wouldn’t have been that bad if it were a fresh dump, you know, still warm and all, but it was c-c-cold. Thanks, dog. Thanks a lot.
Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my armpit, one midsummer morning.
Oh frettled gruntbuggly
thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee,
my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
see if I don’t!
-Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Midspace Planning Council
