I was going to make a terribly witty retort to Messiah’s comments but now I’ve lost the will to try again.
Mermaid please re-find that will, there is plenty of room in this poor diseased body for more suffering.
Thank you very much for taking my innocuous little post and highlighting it in big bold text so everyone will now spot it, and can post their most welcomed creative criticisms. 
I got all a y’all beat.
Dead-bang certainty. Anybody want to hear, or are ya skeered?
Actually the question is if I want to air this shit in a public forum, seeing as I don’t know out there who might be my next boss, or an FBI agent in lurk mode.
For the record, if everyone promises not to spread this shit around, or post it on Threadspotting,I will post three of the most disgusting and titillating things any person can think of that I have done WHILE STONE COLD SOBER.
Oh, and I bought this stuff off the Internet called “Colon Blow”.
http://www.colonblow.com/
If the above conditions are met, I’ll not only tell the three things, but also provide running shit commentary as soon as it gets here.
Anyone interested?
We won’t kiss and tell. Now spill.
Okay, Clog-Boy, since you’ve been gracious enough, here goes:
I fellated a Black Lab at age 13.
I let ANOTHER dog perform analingus on me the same year.
I’ve had repeated threesomes with my SO and one of our friends, who was an attendant in our wedding.
Do I win?
BTW, all of the above except the last were while I was young and (goes w/o saying ) stupid. Won’t do it again, don’t know why I did it, just one of those things.
False_God, if you can beat oldscratch licking dog ass…er, yeah. Go ahead and post it.
(My contribution to TMI? Well, my haemarrhoids are bleeding again…)
This gets NOTHING?
Come on, people-I lay my soul bare and nothing?
Maybe I should tell you the GOOD stuff!
OK, fair enough. But to beat oldscratch, we want details. How long did this procedure take? Did the dog reach orgasm? Did you swallow? Details, man. Details.
Was the black lab offended? How did you convince the dog that your arse was the place to inspect, so to speak?
Nice, and maybe TMI, but not outrageous, I’d say.
Looking good for a Top 3 spot so far. I’m looking forward to reading your elaborations
As to the first canine bestiality incident, no the dog did not “achieve”,but he DID look oddly pleased and grateful. Just thought it would be a good idea at the time, I suppose.
The other dog was sleeping on my bed when I came back from a shower, I bent over to get my drawers off the floor and felt him start lapping. Realized it felt good and let him finish.
Oh, and I’ve masturbated at every job I’ve held, including the State Department. Secure floor. Madeline Albright has good candy on her desk. No connection between that and the mastubation. Maybe I’m underemployed?
BTW, my jack-at-work ratio has gone down since I’ve discovered this board. I simply find you people more interesting than spankin’ in the men’s room.
If I win, what’s goign to be the title?
As to the first canine bestiality incident, no the dog did not “achieve”,but he DID look oddly pleased and grateful. Just thought it would be a good idea at the time, I suppose.
The other dog was sleeping on my bed when I came back from a shower, I bent over to get my drawers off the floor and felt him start lapping. Realized it felt good and let him finish.
Oh, and I’ve masturbated at every job I’ve held, including the State Department. Secure floor. Madeline Albright has good candy on her desk. No connection between that and the masturbation. Maybe I’m underemployed?
BTW, my jack-at-work ratio has gone down since I’ve discovered this board. I simply find you people more interesting than spankin’ in the men’s room.
If I win, what’s going to be the title?
Ok, that was a post I did not need to see twice! 
Is anyone else dreading what oldscratch can dredge up to beat this?
You people are the greatest. Oldscratch, you are a brave soul, and I admire you for that.
Spoofe…you’re pretty neat too…frightening, but neat.
Remind me never to borrow a pen from you.
My TMI…I had a huge pimple next to my anus. I didn’t know it was there until I took a dump, and felt an odd presence…a strange pressure if you will. I wasn’t going to investigate while pooping…but I didn’t have to.
The pressure got pretty intense, the pimple mummbled something in Klingon I think…“KA-PLA” (it really did make a noise) and then I knew something was amiss in bum country.
Suffice it to say, it was gooey, large and a pain in the ass…to say the least.
I really feel a lot closer to you pimple bursting, dog licking, period hiding, ear lobe squirting, toothpaste lubing dopers.
This is SO nominated for Threadspotting…
Woohoo! I made the list! hehe
I feel so incredibly pure and innocent. Wow.
Although I thank you all for hardening me to the most absurd in life! winks No one can shock me now!
Dear God, I’ve created a monster. I would love to see this in Threadspotting though. It would be my first.
Haven’t you ever been around a dog? Most dogs are as interested in asses as JDT is interested in other men’s penii. 
Oh boy. I cannot stop laughing at this thread. I thought I was weird! Next time someone calls me odd, I can say, “Um, yeah, but I never stuck a Magic Marker up my ass!”
I guess my confessions were not that good, but I tried.
FTR, my friends think the whole “golden showers” thing is absolutely horrifying. I claim that I said it while drunk (which I did) and now, fully sober, I am disgusted, but not really. It just seems convenient to pee on someone if they ask and you have to go anyway.
I remember wistfully one midsummer’s morning when the sky was blue, the birds were chirping, and I posted something on my adventures with wayward pimples. For awhile, it was top. I was walking on air knowing that I and I alone would have the coveted title “TMI Champion of the World!” Alas, it was not to be.
Autumn set in and, like the leaves falling, so went my title. 'twas OK, though, for I knew I could regain it. I had to think. What have I done that was disgusting with my life? Surely I could beat Spoofe’s foot amputation escapade (well…close enough). Think, Ender, Think, I chided myself.
The wind whipped through as oldscratch brought Old Man Winter crashing down upon us. I was outgunned, outclassed, outTMIed. This thread has now far surpassed my life experiences…with the greatest of relief, I might add. Too many posters are doing too many things with dogs for me to feel safe in my own home anymore.
With Spring comes renewed growth, though. I can only wait and see.
I was having a pretty bad daay but now that i’ve gone through this thread and laughed at all the dummass things you people have done i now feel much better thanks for being the funniest group of ridicously gross people and brightining up my day
-PurePhreak