Oh, dear. :eek:
Rover, come on over eh?
Whoa, LoL, that was definitely TMI.
I dunno. I’ve gotten over a lot of things in my lifetime, but this…
I mean, I HAVE a dog. I’d be scared to leave you two alone together. What if the dog always blames me? What if I lost you to the dog? I’m pretty sure my dog is a virgin, what if you forgot which one of us was the hedonist?
Take your time with these problems. Show your work.
Oh cool, I can have my Doper back and don’t have to share. 
This reminds me of a joke.
This man walks into a bar to get the hat he’d left there the night before He’s one of the bar’s best customers, drinks enough to float a battleship every night. The bartender sets up his usual, but the guy says, “No thanks, Vic. After what happened when I got home last night I’ll never drink again.”
The bartender replies, “What happened, Sam? I mean, you drank more than usual last night, but how bad could it really be?”
Sam looks around to make sure there’s no one else in the bar, and says, “I blew chunks in my front yard, with my next door neighbor the minister watching.”
The bartender, confused, says, “Sam, what’s so bad about that? I’ve seen you throw up in the parking lot before.”
Sam replies, “I didn’t throw up, I blew chunks.”
The bartender says, “I don’t get the distinction.”
Sam says, “Chunks is my dog.”
**
Let me tell you about some of the suff I’ve had to get over. Turn your fucking hair white.
ahem…
**
Well good. I would never take advantage of a dog that’s already in a relationship. That’s just wrong. It’s like mama always said. When a man and his sheep love each other very much, they go out to the barn together for a “special” time.
**
Hey. If the dog don’t start nothing, I won’t start nothing.
**
That’s a tough one. I mean, on the one hand, dogs don’t live very long. It’s not like you’ll have to spend your whole life with it. On the other hand, you have a very intimate relationship with it. How many times did you have to pick up a boyfriends shit in a little plastic bag? This is a tough one. Do some sooul searching.
**
Don’t worry about it. Excesisve chest and neck hair is a big turnoff for me.
**
Don’t worry. I won’t
:eek: :eek: :eek:
That’s right - three “eeks” for this thread.
How can you do it? I mean, I am really floored. How can you people tell these things in a public forum if they are really true? Some of you have your IRL names, addresses, employment, family members and significant others, etc. known to others on the Board.
I’m not judging people for what they did. Perhaps I just had a stroke after reading oldscratch’s confession, and I’m floating on a low-oxygen-to-the-brain-high, and I just can’t figure it out. What made you guys post about these atrocities? That’s why I cannot believe that many of them are real.
Then again, I might just be denying reality, like the apocryphal story of Queen Victoria refusing to believe that lesbians existed. Anybody (SPOOFE and oldscratch, I’m looking in your direction…) want to explain to poor old prudish Aunt Una how you can post about these things?
My desire to win. Really. Can’t explain it. Just that good ole competitive macho spirit. I don’t like it, but there it is.
And frankly IRL people who know me, wouldn’t be suprised. SPOOFE’s stuff was more shocking to me, just because it was more personal. I can also tell you some stories regarding friends that are pretty shocking. But hey.
If it makes you feel better, I really did debate posting it.
Not everybody takes life or what happends during it so seriously, methinks. We all do stupid, vile, gross stuff (okay, some more gross than others) so why not laugh about it so we all feel a little more human.
Besides, it’s cracking me the hell up.
And, oldscratch, keep talking baby, you’re starting to convince me…
Oh. My. God.
I had absolutely NO idea men stuck things up their butt. Well, I know gay men do during sex of course, but straight guys who are 13? Sticking toothbrushes up their ass? Holy fuck. I didn’t know men swallowed their own semen either. I mean, it doesn’t taste awful, but for sport? Sheesh.
None of these compare, but…
When I was in seventh grade, I had really bad food poisening. I was vomiting and #2ing for three days straight. On the third day I got my first period ever and I thought my insides were falling out. I had no idea what was happening, until I called my mom and told her. Incidentally, it was on St. Paddy’s day.
Once my brother took a crap and he couldn’t get it to flush. I mean, that sucker was going nowhere! So we decided (we were 12 and 14, I think) to add stuff to try and sink it. Shaving cream, syrup, Rice Krispies, you name it. It just worse and worse. Then we had to scoop it out and dump it off the porch. Yuck.
I got drunk once at a party and made out with a boy named Pavlov. He had long hair, a manicure, and wore heeled boots and tunics. I was semi-conscious, but that is still the most disgusting thing I ever kissed.
I’m not entirely grossed out by golden showers. I don’t want to be peed on, but if a guy asked nicely and I had to go besides, I might just do it.
I can’t think of anything else. Oh, except that I didn’t “get” sex at all until I was like 15. I kind of knew about the different organs, but it just didn’t click for some reason. I had masturbated once or twice, but nothing long term. One day a good friend realized I was clueless and explained it to me. I walked around with a shocked look on my face for a week. I was especially disgusted by the thought of my mom and stepdad “doing it.”
Actually, I am still pretty disgusted by that thought.
Well, fair enough.
Wow. And I thought my two dreaded secrets were bad - and they’re not even something I had any control over! 
It’s not just gay men that stick things up their butt during sex, Sara.
And I guess that was my TMI post right there.
I’ve been reading this thread and laughing like I’ve never laughed before. Simply amazing. One thing I must add though… I’ve heard of people getting caught masturbating by their parents, but I’ve experienced a whole new spin to that.
I caught my father masturbating…eek.
Oldscratch, your come-from-behind victory has licked all of your competition.
I’m reluctant to strip SPOOFE of his title: * Doper with the most disgusting, vile, and repulsive personal habits *, because on a day-to-day basis, I think he’s really earned it.
However, Oldscratch, you have taken this competition to a whole new level. Would you prefer to be known as:
a) the guy who licked dog-butt
b) the guy who licked dog-butt
c) Hi, Opal
c) the guy who licked dog-butt
SPOOFE, what do you think? I’ll leave it to you to crown your successor with a title. You’ve fought a good fight, and please, please, please don’t feel as if you have to lick dog-ass yourself to catch up. Please.
Hey Oldscratch, don’t sweat it. Come here and give me a big wet kiss.
MY dog licks his ass almost constantly and I still love him. He would probably lick mine if I would let him, but that’s a whole nother story.
Hell, if it’s good enough for you…
Well you know, I’ll see what I can do. Have I mentioned my apreciation for pierced tounges?
How about I have 30% more holes in m’ body than the average man?
and your TMI post won me over. Yep, sore nough.
Rasa, you know I’ll always be your doper.
**
I agree there. Not really a title I want either. SPOOFE, you win that contest. I’ll stick with winner of TMI.
**
One can only hope. Hey, did I tell you about the one involving the Hispanic Drag Queen, a failed mayorial canidate, two goats, and a can of moldy spam?
**
I’ll take c) Hi, Opal. Thanks.
And I’ll be right over The Mermaid. Or can I just call you Mermaid?
Oh yea? Well… well… fine. At least I know your name doesn’t rhyme with Pal!
I’m on #straightdope now. Isn’t that pretty sick in and of itself?
Honourable mention, anyway?
Does anyone here know how long Chlamydia lasts, after starting antibiotic treatment?
As I’m sitting here, this puerile green pus keeps oozing from my dick, after one week, it is getting to be rather annoying. I always thought a discharge would be tiny, not this constant stream. Whenever I move, I can feel this huge build-up of the stuff, trapped in my underpants. I keep sticking toilet paper down there, but it either soaks right through, or the paper moves.
The worst thing is when the girls on reception call you over, to help out with a problem. You have to put on a brave face, despite the feeling that you have a pint of warm snot down your jocks, and hope they don’t notice your exaggerated gait, or the putrid smell.
And bugger does it hurt, to go for a piss.
BTW everybody has had this at sometime, right?
Along those lines, I have caught my father looking at gay porn. Repeatedly. YUCK!!!