The "Top Writer" of Fortune Cookies is Quitting

That’s what the story says

If the “Fortunes” that we’ve been getting for the past couple of years are any indication, he’s been losing it for a while. None of the ones we open are fortunes anymore. Generally they’re platitudes. Sometimes they’re downright enigmatic. Padding them out with single=word Chinese language lessons and purported winning lottery numbers doesn’t help.

Heck, have the new guy write actual predictions and fortunes again. even if it’s “Reply Hazy, Eat another Cookie”

Why can’t they recycle ones from 30 years ago? Who would even notice?

The “Top Writer” of Fortune Cookies is Quitting
…between the sheets.

That explains the fortunes I’ve been getting for the past year:

“If you find yourself in a rut, try something new”

“Maybe the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence”

“When you begin drinking on the job, mkae a cheang”

“If you find yourself in a rut, try something new”

“God I’m so depressed”

“If you find yourself on the job, try drinking a rut”

“My wife doesn’t even let me talk to her anymore”

“Rut. Rutrutrutrutrutrutrutrut. Rut.”

“Help! My creativity is being held hostage in a Chinese fortune cookie factory!”

“You will win a thread that you begin.”

All work and no play makes Donald a dull boy.

Perhaps it’s time to open the “Stick With Your Wife” barrel.

That’s not a fortune, it is advice.

Where do I apply?

The longest journey begins with a single step.

That’s not a fortune, it is a proverb.

Well, let’s see. “Your baby will be born with two heads.” No, probably not good for business.

Well, the things are served after a Chinese meal. Might get caught out in a half hour or so.

Just use random sentences from Facebook.

… in bed.

(That would be the Australian fortune cookie.)

In bed.

…because these are Fortune Cookies, not random bits by Talent-less Hacks from Sirius XM Radio…

You can tell the difference?

Yeah, I think the guy’s been losing it. I opened a fortune cookie today and it gave me some nonsense about, “Improve your exercise routine for better health.”

Jay Leno commenting on the latest Hollywood no-diet weight loss fad: