So I wrote this Amazon review for a Trump flag, but I can’t get it past their reviewers.
So I thought I’d post it here:
I’m a freaking moron [Title of review]
I gave this product 5 stars because I’m an incredibly stupid person. The fabric is as substantial as the fabric of Donald Trumps character - it’s incredibly thin (unlike Trumps ass, which is very fat) and flimsy. If this fabric was a person it would sell its press secretary to Kim Jong Un for a bag of stale Big Mac’s.
The pole is as rigid as the ones that hold up the Wall in Pence’s homoerotic fever dreams. The big word on the flag rhymes with Chump, Hump, Dump and Rump and the text is white, as is the subtext. You don’t wave this flag, it waves you.
At night it flutters softly in the breeze and whispers Sean Hannity’s name. Sometimes it speaks Russian, go figure. But it doesn’t collude! No Collusion! Ironically, it was made in China.
It fell completely apart after the first use and it’s now as tattered and droopy as the Trump family jewels but I’m sure that was the fault of a big radical left socialist liberal conspiracy. It couldn’t be that it was weak and incapable of doing its job.
And it’s not waterproof.