The Tyra Banks Insanity Hour - April 8

Cafe Society
1

ANTM, not the Tyra Banks I-Wish-I Were-Oprah Hour.

I must say I’m a bit disappointed with 4/8’s episode; the Tyra craziness was at an all time low. Of course, the credits still open and close with ten-second montages of Tyra’s amazing modelesque wonderment (Is this show about the models?), and of course there are thirty-foot billboards of Tyra plastered about the house, but there are also mosquitoes by the lake, and other annoyances that we’ve all come to accept as part of life. Where was the craziness that has become the only reason I continue to watch? Where was the constant berating of the show contestants, along with that of everyone who has ever attempted anything who has fallen short of Tyra’s Greatness? People, this is why I rush home from happy hour every Wednesday. She was barely even in the episode to piss me off. There was very little of the infamous Give me this: :slight_smile: Instead of this: :slight_smile:

Lady, that is the same damn face. Or my personal favorite is when she simply shifts her head two inches to the right.

You’re giving me this:

:slight_smile:

I want to see this::slight_smile:

Oh, I get it. You moved your head over a little. Who cares? Her classically ridiculous instructions like “Give me face,” which is a Tyraism for “Look fierce,” which is also a Tyraism for…well, nobody really knows, were also barely visible in yesterday’s episode. She did, however, manage to sneak in the supremely Tyraesque arrogant line during judging that went something like, “I never read a teleprompter on my commercials.” Ah, of course, lest we forget that Miss Banks is the greatest at everything ever to be done in the universe ever. It was refreshing, but I had to wait nearly an hour to get it. Hmph.

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Dang (a Tyraism (and I’ve never watched her show ;))), you are mean.

Best and most appropriate use of smilies evah!

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My wife watches the marathons of this on the weekend and I’m always amused when the gals enter their swank pad for the first time, stare at the obligatory Giant Tyra Photo on the foyer and start screaming and yelling in joy.

“Hooray! We get to live in the Shrine to Tyra Banks!!!”

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In Tyra’s defense, she’s still working on her Magnum look.

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The best part is she actually does this. She “shows” the models what they’re doing wrong, and how it is to be corrected, except she doesn’t do anything. It’s actually hilarious now, but it used to annoy the crap out of me.

Ah yes, a model’s ability to feign excitement about a photograph of Tyra and unendingly kiss her ass is directly proportional to how long she will remain on the show. It used to bother me that if anyone dared disagree with Tyra, she was chastised and immediately eliminated, but I’m beginning to think this may be fair. Not that Tyra’s ravenous ego needs any more feeding, but if you can’t suck up to designers, other models with connections or agents, you ain’t going nowhere in the biz, chickpea. Although even if you win Tyra’s show, you probably still ain’t going nowhere in the biz. You may be seen for a total of two minutes in Cover Girl commercials during each episode of ANTM, but that’s about it.

6

You guys ever read the recaps over at the Onion’s A.V. Club? Solid gold every time.

7

Ha, yes! After writing this post I was reminded that I needed to check it out. Funny thing is I’d never read it until last Friday, and then proceeded to spend the entire day reading through earlier reviews.