Spits blood weakly and realises he’s in the trunk of his own car; he listens for any tell tale sounds that might reveal his location or direction of travel.
Waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… chaaannng ‘The Bay Bridge, South’. He manoeuvres around looking for any…
Waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… waaaoop… chaaannng ‘The Bay Bridge, South’. He manoeuvres around looking for any…
…tools that might be useful…he finds a drill, and decides to drill a hole in the gas tank so the crooks won’t get as far as they think. After a few minutes the gas somehow manages to drain out of the vehicle (even though the hole is on the top of the tank;) and as the thugs open the trunk…
…he blows their heads off with a .357 magnum which he had hidden in his ankle holster, the rookie gets in the car and starts to make his getaway suddenly a helicopter emerges…
And The Boss is piloting it. He laughs maniacilly as the chopper launches two heat seeker missles (Never mind that they’re meant to shoot down other aircraft!) at the rookie. The rookie does a barrel roll, and, even though the car is disintigrated by the missles, not a single fragment hits the rookie. He raises his pistol and fires at the armored helicoptor…
A single bullet manages to cause the armored helicopter to explode in an enormous fireball. The boss, though, parachutes to safety, shakling his fist at the Rookie all the while. Meanwhile, across town…
A single bullet manages to cause the armored helicopter to explode in an enormous fireball. The boss, though, parachutes to safety, shaking his fist at the Rookie all the while. Meanwhile, across town…
…a Chinese martial artist jumps from rooftop to rooftop in pursuit of…
a place to take the older cop’s daughter … who is still screaming … finding an abandon warehouse
Cut to:
The big Boss’s office, which is located above a strip joint. He looks at one of his henchmen, who is kneeling on the floor in front of him. The henchman is sniffling, and trying to explain, “Boss, I’m real sorry…(sniff, sniff)…those cops…they jumped me…I didn’t see them coming…(sniff, sniff)…give me another chance, and I’ll take them out.”
The Boss looks down at him and smirks, “Oh, don’t worry about it. You will have nothing to worry about anymore…”
The Boss leaves the room as the henchman sighs with relief. Two other henchmen enter the room and blow the first henchman’s brains out. The Boss walks back in and says…
“HEY!! NOT ON THE CARPET! …That was Persian!!”
The Big Bosses secretary walks in. With her bosoms heaving, she stumbles back and falls into the lap of Mr. Big.
“Sir, is that your gun or are you just glad to see me?”, she queries.
He replies, "My darling, I want you. I’ve always wanted you. My throbbing member needs to be…
[sub]Uh, sorry, wrong thread. I thought this was the “The Ultimate Romance Novel, One Cliche at a Time” thread…
::backing out the door::
Meanwhile, the stripper with a heart of gold overhears the dastardly plans of Mr Big. Since she’s secretly in love with our handsome young cop, she heads for his apartment to warn him, only to find…
The Boss’s right hand man rigging the door with six pounds of C4. She decides to distract him by…
…flashing him. She opens up her treachcoat to reveal the fact that she’s wearning nothing underneath. As the boss’s right-hand man oogles at her breasts, she raises one eyebrow, smirks, and asks, “Looking for these?”
Fortunately, she knows 10 different variations of kung-fu and is able to give him a karate chop and a roundhouse kick to the face (despite the fact that she’s wearing high-heels) while he’s distracted. Of course, the final blow is delivered via a kick right to groin.
She looks down at the C4 and sees the red LED timer counting down from 30 seconds. Frantically, she…
…cuts the red wire, because that’s what her dad (an ex-bombsquad instructor) would’ve done, and she’d picked up on a few things during her formative years. The numbers stop ticking (even though there’s no power) and hold at :02. She breathes a sigh of relief until…
…until…
“In A World… One Man… Rated R.”
…the handsome young cop opens the door. He looks down to see the stripper with a heart of gold.
HYC: Oh…Hi. Do I know you?
[She struggles to her feet trying to cover herself with the trench coat. He helps her up and they’re nose to nose staring deep into each other’s eyes.]
SWAHOG: I have to tell you something. I–I overheard a conversation The Boss…he…he…
[They kiss.]
SWAHOG: [Shaking herself out of it.] No! Listen! I have to tell you–
[Cut to a “Vito’s Pizzeria” van. Inside are two henchmen watching our couple through binoculars.]
HENCHMAN A: [into a cell phone] We found her Boss.
[Cut back to our couple.]
HYC: This is crazy! We have to get you out of here.
He throws some clothes at her and they…
walk out the door, making sure to carefully stick head around corner to check for bad guys. They run down the stairs, her high heels clicking on the cold cement. They open the emergency exit and enter the alley. They see headlights flash on…
A well dressed, close-shaven, ponytailed, german-accented sprocket saunters in, takes a hostage or two and begins making obscene demands a la lethal weapon.
“Is that gun loaded?” she asks…