“Yes, it is loaded, my dear. But before I kill you, I will describe with intricate detail my plans. I will provide you with a full presentation of what I will do and when. In addition I will provide you with possible weaknesses in my plan that you could exploit if you were not going to be killed.”
He pulls out his 9 mm, kisses the barrel, and levels it at her forehead. He sneers and says…
“First I’ll apply 3 pounds of pressure on the trigger, this will cause the hammer of the gun to strike the bullet, the gunpowder will detonate and the bullet will enter your forhead turning your brains in to smushed jello, the only weakness to the plan is if the rookie cop next to you blows my brains out…”
Rookie cop blows the bad guys brains out
The rookie cop looks at the stripper and says…
“Now I’m gonna blow your mind baby…”
He walks over to her, all sure of himself and then…
…they hear a helicopter (The Boss buys in bulk)…
…which is swooping precariously between the mirrored high-rise buildings downtown as a gunman leans out and begins shooting…
Rookie grabs SWAHOG and they leap into a convinient souped-up Jaguar. They race across town with the helicopter in hot pursuit, the gunmen hanging out it’s windows miraculously managing to not hit anything they aim at. While Rookie drives, SWAHOG grabs her companion’s .357 magnum and picks off the henchmen one by one, plugging each between the eyes perfectly. Then, suddenly…
Our hero screws up, and/or appears guilty. He/she is arrested/taken off the case:
“Please, just give me 24 HOURS to prove my innocence/nab the bad guy” even though it is a complete violation of procedure and/or logic.
Boss says he/she will regret it, but okay.
I hate this! Why don’t they ask for a day? 23 hours, 22 minutes and forty eight seconds? Even the recent otherwise good Paul Newman, Gene Hackman, Susan Sarandon and James Garner used this awful, awful line VERBATIM! Arrrughh.
Now, for the rewrite:
next day boss comes in. Boss, you ignorant stupid you know what. I did it and I’ve left for Mexico with your daughter and your safe deposit box contents. I’ve also told your boss exactlyhow I duped you. Sucker!
SWAHOG grabs her companion’s .357 magnum and picks off the henchmen one by one, plugging each between the eyes perfectly. Then, suddenly…
Her eyes widen in terror as she sees the Boss blocking the road in front of an M1-A1 tank waving a pair of pearl handled pistols about and shouting incoherently. Suddenly a seemingly endless number of minigun wielding "Killer Klowns (hey it’s on their uniforms) begin pouring out of the tank’s hatch and then…
the Jag screeches to a halt. Our hero and the SWAHOG both open the doors and step out. She looks tense. He calmly lights a cigarette, takes a drag, eyeballs the situation and remarks “Ya know, I’ve always hated clowns…”
The Boss strides forward, eyes locked on SWAHOG.
Boss: “To think…I would be betrayed by MY OWN WIFE!”
Rookie gasps and whirls to SWAHOG, who’s crystal tears streak down her face. Incoherently, Rookie cries: “It’s not true! It can’t be…can it?”
SWAHOG hiccups miserably, and sniffles: “It’s true – I tried to tell you…”
The Boss’s beautiful daughter appears, leaping from a stretch limo, wearing a dress so tight and clinging it could be made of sausage casing. She calls: “Mommy! Look out for the…”