Well, I have a friend named Nile. Nile lives over on the west side. Nile recently cought himself a cold, and now noone wants to go near him, with his hacking and spitting up. He went to the Doctor and got penacillin, but it didn’t help. Now we’re afaid he just might die. Too bad too, as he was such a good guy.
Next: Goole Whompin’
Man, Must remember, Preview is my friend. Google Whompin’
I developed early, if you know what I mean, and all the guys in school stared at me so much that I’d come home all mad and cryin’. My mother told me what they were doing was called “makin’ google eyes.” She said it used to happen to her and she’d throw rocks at them damn googles. I knew I’d get in trouble if I threw rocks, so I talked my older brother into loanin’ me his spare pair of Doc Martens and together we went out google whompin’.
Next topic: Serendipity
Serendipity is the name of a film. I think it’s one of those boring ones with, you know, dialogue and crap like that. One of my favourite films is Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell. It’s about this hot chick that goes round fighting dinosaurs that look just like big lizards. With a title like that you’d expect her to get naked but she doesn’t. Not even once. It’s still good though but I prefer films where the chick gets naked. Like Body of Evidence where Madonna gets naked. That’s a great film.
Next: Drugs: Good or Bad?
Dregs is the bitter-tasting part of the beer which is left over after you’ve drunk the good parts of the beer. The first part of a glass of beer is the head. The head is recognised easy since it is white and foamy. It looks like cream, but tastes quite different. It is okay. The second part of a glass of beer, is the main part, being beer. It is good. By contrast, dregs (if you recall, being the part of the beer left over after you’ve drunk the good parts of the beer), tastes bad.
In conclusion, dregs are bad, mmm-kay?
Next: penis envy
West Nile Virus
A trojan horse file that is spread by opening e-mails entitled “Make Lots of Money Selling Spam.” It apparently originated in a hacker-warez spawning site in Egypt.
The WNV can be found by searching for a file called “autoexec.bat” and then deleting it. Unless you do this, then your PC will do things all by itself when you turn it on.
Your topic: The Importance of Being Earnest
OK - I swear that those last seven posts WEREN’T there when I posted… sorry.
The Importance of Being Earnest
It is very important to be Earnest. I mean, Earnest was in all those cool movies, saving Christmas and going to jail and such. He makes people laugh, and that is very important indeed. So, in conclusion, it is very important to be Earnest.
Next Topic: Thermodynamics
Thermo is the Greek word for heat, and dynamics is Latin for dance. Thus Thermodynamics is “heatdancing”. For example it’s like the dance one does when they walk barefoot on the driveway on a hot day. One may also demonstrate thermodynamics by watching the way french fries dance when one throws them into hot oil.
Next topic: Crop Circles
Most thermoses aren’t very dynamic. They pretty much just sit there. Now, you could fill a thermos with soda and shake it up. Then you could give it to someone to open, and that would be pretty dynamic–there would be stuff going everywhere! But you aren’t supposed to put soda in a thermos. Once I put some milk in a thermos and forgot about it all weekend, and when I opened it there was this watery stuff and a big yucky smelling chunk. My brother said I made yogurt, but I said no way, yogurt isn’t that gross. It was too disgusting, my mom had to wash it out with bleach.
The next topic is: The Industrial Revolution.
The Industrial Revolution was the first name of a song by the Beatles, until George Martin convinced John Lennon it was too long and the first verse which went “You say you want an industrial revolution, well you know, we all want to change manufacturing methods to improve work flow, reduce costs and increase efficiency,” didn’t scan with the melody. John was rather stoned when he wrote the song and when his head was clear he agreed with George and rewrote it as “Helter Skelter.”
Next topic: Photosynthesis
Photosynthesis is the process of making large photographs from a bunch of smaller ones. This is used mainly in studying crop circles, because they’re very large, so it’s difficult to fit the whole thing in one photograph. Some people think crop circles aren’t that big, but I think they’re suffering from penis envy.
Next topic: Intellectual property
Intellectual property is smart stuff that belongs to smart peeple. For instince, The Theory of Relatives belongs to an old German guy named Albert Heinlein. The Theory of Gravity (also known as Falling Apples) belongs to an even older guy named Sir Isaac Hayes-Newton who also invented a tasty fig treat and wrote a song about it. Perhaps the biggest discovery of intellectual property lately is the MP3, although supposedly it came right after MP2. I think it was discovered by Bill Grates, who has more money than God. You have to pay these guys everytime you use their inventions or discoveries. For that reason we all owe a huge debt to Big Al and the Newton dude but I think Bill has enough. The End.
Next Topic: Space Travel
You shouldn’t drive when you’re on drugs. I know this because, one time, my brother got really stoned and decided to drive down to the 24-hour supermarket for some choc-chip cookies. When he was pulling into the carpark, he crashed his car into a really expensive BMW, and both the cars were really badly damaged, and the rich guy who owned the BMW was really mad. It cost thousands of dollars to fix, but he didn’t tell the rich guy he was stoned, so the insurance company paid for it all. However, my brother had to pay the $450 excess. He didn’t have $450, and he had to borrow the money from my dad, and my dad was really mad with him.
So, in conclusion, Space Travel is always a bad idea. You should never get in a car with a drunk person, either.
Next topic: Nature or Nurture?
Nature, of course! Well, duh! I may not be a rocket scientist, but I do know how to spell! (and by the way – “fission or fusion”? Fusion.) I can even spell antidisestablishmentariansim, thought supercalifragilisticexpealidocious is more of a favorite word.
Next topic: Idiot savant.
Nature, of course! Well, duh! I may not be a rocket scientist, but I do know how to spell! (and by the way – “fission or fusion”? Fusion.) I can even spell antidisestablishmentarianism, though when it comes right down to it, supercalifragilisticexpealidocious is a more funner word.
Next topic: Idiot savant.
Maralyn Vos Savant is the smartest woman in the world. She is quite adept at figuring out numerical puzzles, dispensing logical advise, and generally giving millions a reason to live. Unfortunately, her impressive European ancestry is not without it’s fair share of marks. You see, one uncle of hers was quite the dolt. You see, when changing ones name in Maralyn’s family was all the rage, Uncle Willie chose not too. He refused to add “Vos” to his name, seeing as he was a famous shoe manufacturer in Detroit and didn’t want to mess with name recognition. In a masterful attempt to cover up any relation, Maralyn renamed him “idiot”. Idiot Savant. She then attached equally inspired characteristics of this “Idiot Savant.” Don’t believe her. She’s insane.
Next topic: ** Birth Conrol **
For many many centuries birth conrol has been one of the most debated concepts of our human generation. A concept that has divided people in two for many years. Without birth conrol a great many difficulties would of caused great harm to mankind, mankind being the people that we live with together. One such difficulty would be less food. Without birth conrol people would have more babies and, there would be less sustenance for the world, in general. So in conclusion I believe that birth conrol is an important factor and with which the world can become a better place for all those involved. If my parents were big fans of birth conrol I would not have had too write this essay. Thank you.
Next topic: **Id, Ego, and Superego **
Id, Ego and Superego were these three brothers that lived back in the olden days, like more than a hunnert years ago. They were all psychos and they all lived together in the same house. One day they decided to form a band, and they named their band Sigmund & Freud. They got really famous for a few years, before they all died in a train accident.
Sigmund & Freud is still kind of around today, but now it’s the name of a magic act with animals that plays at the Mirage in Las Vegas.
next topic: NASA
Ego was the assistant of the great Doctor Frankenstein. He hardly ever carried any ID. When ever he did anything right, the Doctor would say, “Super, Ego!”
Next topic: Trans-substantiation