Feudalism is the ideology of the multigenerational family feuds in the American South. For example, the McCormicks and the Futzes are neighbors who’ve fought over land and how big a dowry their daughters would go for. The Futzes happen to be really cheap people, so they wanted their daughter’s dowry to be of little worth, but also wanted to marry their oldest son, Hamish, to a McCormick daughter and receive a dowry that was five times as much as they were wiling to give away with their daughter’s proposed marriage(s). This argument ended in the death of Hamish with a banjo, a pickaxe, and a couple of pigs’ feet tied to the ends of a rope.
People from New York are New Yorkers, people from Paris are Parisians, people from Los Angeles are Angelenos (which I don’t get, 'caiuse why would they name themselves after hot peppers, but fine, whatever), and people from Eugene, Oregon are Eugenics.
Next topic: zoot suits
Typical American Boy:“Hearts, Clubs, Diamonds and Clovers. Typical, typical, typical. Ho hum…”
{flash of neon, enter Zoot Joker, cue fiesty guitar lick}
Zoot Joker:"Need something to SPICE up your next game of Pinochle? Try Zoot Suits! Each kick ass card has it’s own brand of kick ass style! Introducing…the Zoot Royal Family!
The Zoot King of T’ieves!
The Unkind Queen of Death!
The Surly, Dismissive Jack!
And…the Acehole!
So if you’re looking for a few sharks in the Go Fish pond, or some Red Hot Poker, buy the Zoot Suit add on!"
{cue more guitar music, extreme close up of the Joker, and excessively bright logo…fade to black…}
About 5 or 6 weeks after the Magna Carta was voted upon, the first lawsuit was filed in Her Right Majesty’s Most Supremely Tightfisted Court of Torts and Crullers.
Apparently a small cadre of illiterate followers of the god Zeus were found breaking into the Tower of London, to release their overzealous leader, Norman of Bates.
Since they were profoundly bereft of even the slightest MORSEL of intelligence, they were unable to even identify themselves properly to the authorities when apprehended.
31 of them were caught at the coal chute, all trying gamely to scramble in at the same moment ( let us just say, to be kind, that this particular cadre was truly astonishingly STUPID ). When interrogated by His Most Unbelievably Powerful Leftenant Of The Gaol, Bertram The Smelly, each and every one of the scruffy lot said they were followers of Zoot, instead of Zeus.
They were mistreated and denied proper Kosher food during their 28 year incarceration, and so on their behalf, the now infamous Zoot Suits were filed on their behalf by the B.I.C.L.U. ( British Isles Civil Liberties Union).
Back in the old days, before televised sports, would-be courtroom sketch artists had another choice: the sporting arenas. Captured for all time in chalk and charcoal are such classic moments as:
Someone in a dark gray uniform doing something on a baseball field.
Someone in a light gray uniform doing something on a football field.
A bunch of bright smudges doing something on what may or may not be a basketball court.
Dammit, Frank, I told you not to store these drawings in the basement. It ALWAYS floods down there.
A precursor to modern day, angst-ridden superheroes, the unlikely dynamic duo of Fat Man and Little Boy were at their peak in the early 1920s. Although he was of average age and intelligence, Fat Man was obese, to the point where, while in flight, his belly would embarrasingly protrude between his too tight spandex shirt and woefully inadequate 'tards. He eventually took to just strolling casually from one emergency to the next. Little Boy was not really a boy. He was a severely stunted middle-aged man who had smoked 16 packs of cigarettes a day when he was only six-and-a-half years old. Due to his advanced emphysema he would generally just ride around on the shoulders of his best buddy, Fat Man.
Together they would fight vending machine crime all over the sprawling metropolis of City. That’s it, just City. Seems the writers had run out of ideas after using all the good ones on the duo and villains.
Their best battles were fought against Candy Man and his army of thugs. They would fight for nearly five minutes at a time before resting, wheezing and coughing, against a wall.
Fans eventually tired of this same old routine repeated ad nauseum for it’s entire radio show run of six episodes. The two were killed off in the final episode by a meteorite from the mysterious Planet K that smashed into the middle of Kansas.
It has been generally accepted by most Christians that in the future the New Jerusalem so named in Revelations 3:12 would descend from heaven as prophesied by St. John:
-*Revelation 21:2*
However, there is another splinter theory that holds that this event has already occurred. It is that theory which concerns us, the theory of “Television”.
A brief background of the history of Television is as follows: During the period of renewed Zionism that in the earliest part of the 20th Century, Jewish Settlers founded many new cities. Among the settlers were a number of residents of the city of Jaffa who, wishing to improve their lot in life, founded a suburb nearby and named it after Nahum Sokolow’s translation of Herzl’s Altneuland. The adherents of “Television” actually consider Herzl to be a prophet and the Altneuland (by detractors, considered a fictional rendering of future Zionist State) to be an account of prophetic vision of the founding of the modern state of Israel. These modern-day Christians believe Tel Aviv, as the city was named, to be the literal “new Jerusalem”, and they hold in faith that it has been adorned with the prosperity of Israel through the fruits of Zionism. To support their claims they point to the fact that Tel Aviv is the largest city in Israel with nearly a million people living in its metropolitan area. Today, adherents of Television, or “Tel Aviv Zion”, consider themselves the few true believers who recognize that the reign of the New Heaven and the New Earth has begun.
Next Topic: The Nth Roots of Unity
Down south of here is a little town called “UNITY”. Now, mind you this isn’t well known outside these parts, but it is a tale woth the tellin’. If ya don’t mind me saying it.
It all sarted back about aught 3. See, Mr. Nelson wanted to start up the first greenhouse in Unity.
But Mr Scott, who owned the farm supply store was a might bit jealous of the idea, and didn’t want no competition. But, there wasn’t nothin’ Mr. Scott could do about it because he didn’t have the wherewithall to start up another business. So Mr. Scott got the big idea to plant trees everywhere. I don’t mean a few trees, nope, but so many trees, that John Chapman himself would be green with envy.
Bu tthe only seeds Mr. Scott had were his collection of magic hemp seeds. He knew the seeds would turn out 10, 100, or even 1,000 times. He planted it and it grew so big and bountifull that the whole town turned out for the harvest.
At the Harvest Ball, Mr. Scott made up with Mr. Nelson. And Mr. Scott gave Mr. Nelson the whole damn plot of land. Mr. Nelson called his new green house ** The Nth Root**
In Russia, there was a party that formed in 1794 called the Constitutionites. They were allied in the fight against giant alien leeches sucking the brains out of the average farmworker. Due to this single unifying cause, every politician who attempted to take control of the government through the Constitutionites had a guarantee that farmers would be free from the pestience of the giant alien leeches. This was completely bogus, so no Constitutionite leader ever successfully appeared in Russia.
The proclamation of emancipation given by a senior member of state during a trying time in the history of aforementioned state. In general, the proclamation dealt with specific issues regarding emancipation. This proclamation was noteworthy in that it was the first delivered on the UHF band of television. Also, many people swooned.
Way back in the history of this board a thread was started called “Rubber Baby Buggy”. But this title was misleading and the OP started a new thread titled “I’m looking for a custom made pram for my doll”. Somehow the mods deletion of the older thread didn’t take and every once in a while a helpful poster would bump it to try to help the OP. These nice people are known as “Rubber Baby Buggy” bumpers.
Trailer Trash is all the clutter and debris that collects up inside and outside of trailers. You know. Since trailers are such small, limited spaces, if you ain’t careful, junk just piles up. Plus, I think there’s something about trailers that tempts folks to leave everything from beer cans, to old mattresses, to cars, sans tires up on cement blocks, to rusty pipes, to kitchen sinks, and just, you know, stuff lying around trailers.
(Sorry so short, Boss is on his way!)
Sai was my good friend. Actually, a pen pal. A pen pal from France. One of the best damn Pen Pals you could ever have. Sais’ spelling and grammar were damn near perfect for bein’ a Frenchy. Bon Sai
“Roadside entertainment” is a shorthand phrase. The old English walled village of Tainment was known to have a narrow road that lead into it from the south, which was the only way into the town in a vehicle. There were small doors in the other sides of the wall where people could enter on foot. Any time a carriage or wagon was going to Tainment the driver would be instructed to go to the South, or “Road Side.” Over time anybody going there would be told to look for the “roadside, when you enter Tainment.” Gradually the phrase was shortened to it’s current form.
Chocolate shakes happen when you’ve been scarfing little Hershey’s candy bars all day and get uncontrollable jitters. This is most often seen in little kids but has been known to happen to adults (a.k.a “The Twinkie Defense”). The best way to cure this ailment is to sit in a quiet, dark room and watch an aquarium full of fish for about three hours.
Umm…sometimes when, you know, I eat a lot of chocolate or drink a whole six pack of yoohoo’s one right after the other I get these shakes. They can be real nasty shakes, too. Like you know kinda jerkin’ around and stuff. Sometimes, I have to like, drink a twelve pack of beer to stop shakin’ from all the chocolate. I stop shakin’ cause I like pass out. When I come to, I got this real bitchin’ headache but I ain’t shakin’ anymore. If you don’t got a whole twelve pack to drink, sometimes you can like go hang your head over in the toilet and retch up some of the chocolate and that helps some times. But beer, is like, the best cure for the chocolate shakes. If the headache from passin’ out cause of the beer is real bad, you can eat some chocolate and that helps. But don’t eat too much cause then the shakes’ll start and then you gotta drink the twelve pack and pass out and wake up with a headache and then eat some chocolate to get rid of it. Or just go barf.
Back in the old days, prostitutes had a hard time finding affordable lodging. [After all, who would want to have a whore living in their building? They might bring home all sorts of dirty vagrants with them!] Well, this wasn’t a good thing in places like England, when it got pretty cold for a good portion of the year. In these times when it was snowing, sometimes a homeless prostitute would be forced to live outdoors, working when she wasn’t sleeping or stealing food from the other beggers. If they fell alseep for too long, sometimes a snowfall or a bad case of nasal drip would cause little icicles to form from their nose, or even fill their hair with little frozen particles of water… Because the people who lived in houses didn’t have this problem, and the beggers didn’t have this problem either, it was attributed that the prostitutes would perspire heavily, and then be subjected to freezing temperatures, thus producing what is known as “Whore’s Frost.” It was most common in areas that perspired and were covered in hair.
Internet is this sexist way of saying a female is a intern. We shouldn’t use terms like this cause it ain’t cool and stuff to be all sexist. Everybody should be called interns both grrlz and boiz, cause then it wouldn’t be all sexist. I mean, grrlz can be just as good at being a intern as boiz can. A intern is not a hard thing to be. Most of the times you end up just doing stuff like getting coffee and doughnuts and cleaning up the break area after a meeting and stuff. Sometimes you get to make copies or staple stuff together and grrlz can do that just like boiz can and maybe even better cause stuff like copying and stapling are more like grrlz stuff anyways. So, what I’m sayin’ is, grrlz can do stuff just as good as boiz. Most of the time anyway. I mean, ya know, boiz are better at fixin’ cars and stuff cuz, grrlz would go like “eew I got grease in my fingernails” and boiz would go like “duuuuuude, cool, I got grease in my fingernails.” So, cept for fixin’ cars interns, grrlz make just as good interns as boiz, so we shouldn’t oughta use sexist terms like internet.
In the great days of the Latin empire, one of the generals who led Latina to many great victories was Pax Romana. He was extremely well-organized and known for his intelligent use of seige weaponry, and for the popularization of the breastplate. In command of an army of 1000 men, he conquered several cities in the name of Caesar and was killed during the seige of Babylon.
::laughing too hard to go on::
umm… next topic has something to do with DNA right?
