The Wal-Mart lady FARTED!!

Ok, so I was strolling through the aisles of my local Wal-Mart store. I was in need of some vegetable oil and I began to compare the store brand to a well known brand when suddenly I hear this noise. It was almost inaudible, but I definitely heard it. I glanced slyly to my left where I notice a Wal-Mart employee busily stacking new inventory. I think to myself “No, it couldn’t be…”

but then…I SMELT IT! Oh, there was no doubt about it, she friggin’ FARTED! RIGHT THERE! RIGHT NEXT TO ME! In the FOOD aisle! And it really REALLY smelled! I grabbed my canola oil and got the hell out of there.

She could have at least said “Excuse me.”

I once saw a Wal-Martian picking his nose while stocking shelves, without wiping his hands between these two activities.

I don’t shop at Wal-Mart any more.

Nope. If she’d excused herself, that’d be an admission of guilt.

Don’t you know anything about fartiquette?

A new employee was just hired at work a few days ago. Several people sit in a large room, and she now sits about 15 feet to the left of me. A few minutes after she sat down and got to work, I farted. The room was silent and we were the only two people in there. Oops!

I didn’t say excuse me - yea, it would have been an admission of guilt.

Must concur with Delta-9. According to Miss Manners, farts are unmentionable, and therefore are not to be apologized for; are, in fact, to be completely ignored. (Of course, she does not mention farts by name, but they’re what she’s referring to.)

I often ask the offending person if they farted. It’s usually an awkward moment, but it’s deliciously fun to watch them squirm.

Fart Identification is yet another field of study in which the UK seems to be ahead of the United States.

As a direct result of the Great Selfridges Fart Scandal of 1998, details of which are still sub judice, employee legislation has been introduced in order to minimise the incidence of Unattributable Farts.

In addition to the usual drug and alcohol tests, new recruits to Corporate Britain are required to give a Fart Sample on taking up their employment. These samples are kept in a Special Cupboard in the company’s Chemistry Department.

In every open plan office environment, where Farter Identification can be speculative at best, Fart Management Officers are employed to trap Anonymous Flatulence Perpetrators by running around the office holding a Glass Jar.

The Glass Jar, which now contains Evidence of Anal Gas Issue, is taken to the Chemistry Department where various Tests are done using bunsen burners and Flames.

Using sophisticated techniques peculiar to Fart Technology, the contents of the Glass Jar are compared with the samples of each Potential Farter held in the Special Cupboard.

In the harsh business environment which now prevails, there is, of course, Zero Tolerance of farting, and the Newly Identified Farter is summarily dismissed with a Stain on his or her record.

In the view of this correspondent, Anonymous Farting is a practice which should be stamped out forthwith, or sooner if possible, and I fully applaud the initiatives of British Industry in tackling this Unpleasant Problem, which has been crying out for someone to get to the bottom of it, and to examine all the issues which are likely to come out of this bottom.

oh man! i don’t know what it is about Wal-Mart, but everytime i go in that joint, my colon knows it! this one time, i swear, i wiped out the entire shampoo section! there was no way that little gem went unnoticed! i mean, the paint was peeling off the display shelves!

my favorite place to do it is in the vestibule of resturants. rip a good one in there and the first thing an unsuspecting patron gets hit with is a butt-bomb as he goes to eat dinner! applebee’s and chilis are perfect for this!

ah, the beauty of fart humor!

I am reading this and as I read, I am laughing tee hee, as I find this particular post a gut-buster of more than little note. It is also making me think of Limeys starting up a Ministry of Unattributable Farts, and I am thinking this sounds more than somewhat like a Monty Python sketch.

Crap, I didn’t want to quote the whole thing, just the reference to flames–they wouldn’t be blue flames, by any chance?

You forgot to mention the 1996 case of the District Line Sneak Farter. This bloke got off on sneaking up to people seated aboard one of the District Line trains, then covering them entirely with his trenchcoat, after which…

I can’t get myself to type the words, it’s all too horrible.

After a few preliminary investigations by the London Police which lasted until early 1997, nothing was head of the DLSF anymore. Rumour has it that it’s all a big cover-up, because the DLSF was actually an MP as well. A Torrie, of course. They’re the ones with the weird fetishes.

Well, I sometimes like to let out a “silent killer” around friends or family, wait a few seconds, and then with a look of discust on my face, start accusing various people of farting!
It’s always funny, cause I never let on!

Remember Billy Connolly musing about how great it would be if, when you farted, instead of going ppppppffffftthhhwwwwpppppp it went


imagine :

“It wasn’t me!”

“Yes it was! I recognised your voice!!!”

Turn on the volume & get the facts: