Ok 69 straight fucking days of no measurable moisture in my state. You could snap your fingers and start a fire. Creeks and Ponds are drying up, four houses and 5 trailers houses have burned in my town, it’s so dry that one house burned down in 5.6 minutes ( timed by the fire dept). All counties in Oklahoma with the exception of a couple, are now federal disaster areas.
So naturally my mind and those around me are on the weather. To be more specfic our minds are on rain. I live in a semi-rural area near the Tex/Oklahoma border and am on the dish network so I don’t get many local forecasts. Lately I have been tuning into the weather channel to try and get some information as to what is going on and when if ever, we are going to get any rain.
Well I have found that I am shit out of luck finding anything out on the weather channel except what is happening at that moment. Dammit all to hell if I wanted to know what the fuck is going on at that moment in my area by God I would stick my fucking head out the door and see. I have also found out that if it is raining in the east the weather channel drones on and on about those showers warning people to look out for 30 mile an hour winds, lighting bolts and other one in a million death threatening phenomenon while ignoring the midwest most of the day. Why? Simple, there is no weather going on in the midwest so why even discuss it.
And forecasts? hahahahaha There are one or two tiny windows throughout the day that I have gleaned from the weather channel that even hint at what may or may not be going on a week from now. One of them is called travel wise where they are once again looking out for our safety by warning us about wet roads and stormy clouds amid commercials about ginsing root, viagra, D-snore George Foreman Grills and Rascals ( those handicapped scooters). How about a 5 day forecast you motherfuckers? How about some hard evidence about what to look for in the coming days! Shit, use a fucking almanac if you can’t get any information with your millions of dollars in equipment!
Then they have the hurricane forecast or storm front or some such crapola. Now there’s a service for us poor land locked bastards 600 miles inland to watch while we relive the fucking dust bowl days of the 30s. I assume the program was created mostly for the 80 year old semi-retired fucker that is their resident expert about hurricanes. He mumbles on with mind numbing ease about force 5’s, vectors and eyes and other shit I am not remotely interested in. I would like to put him on a Rascal and ride his ass into the nearest dried up midwestern creek bed.
How about this? In lieu of no weather coming to the midwest anytime soon, how about some hopeful discussion about what may happen in the future. Shit tell me some lies if nothing else. Tell me it rained here on this day in nineteen fucking fifty six. Anything but making me look at the clouds in the Portland area where it seems to rain 300 days a fucking year anyway.
So change the channel you say? Well fuck you, because then I wouldn’t have anything to bitch about except the miserable weather we have here in my lovely state.
So let’s face it, I am frustrated and I have become anal about the weather. I don’t want the fish in my pond to die and I don’t like the huge crack running across my ceiling because the dirt under the foundation of my house is drying up. And so I will continue to look to the weather channel for salvation. I figure sooner or later they are going to say something of relevance.
And the sonofabitches better predict some rain soon or I may just change the friggin channel.
