I continue to be surprised at how gracious people are being in response to my post. I really thought other lonely-hearters were going to try to wrest my self-appointed title of “the world’s loneliest doper” away from me and at least I would get some entertainment value from my predicament.
I have noticed your posts ultress and your cute sig “Sigh. So many men, so few who can afford me“. I lived in Texas for almost 15 years and I really have a problem with the heat and also the bible-belt mentality that many places in the south have. I had wanted to get out of Texas for the last ten years, but my ex-wife was a native Texan and she had 3 children who were also native Texans and I stayed with her and in Texas till the last child moved out on her on. I don’t really want to go back south again.
At least I get the consolation prize of having a post I started officially commented on by a woman who so few men can afford.
Bruce, my dear - your situation is very familiar to me, and I have some comments that I hope will be helpful.
1st: yes, SD can be intimidating. It’s much like the experience of going to college after being the top student in high school… going from a small pond to a big one! I was always the resident “smartypants” in my group, and could easily have found the SD a reason to feel insecure. I chose to add it to my group of resources! J Now when a subject arises that is not in my area, I just ask for a little time and propose it to my friends here. I give credit, but find that people recall more that I gave the answer - so my reputation is enhanced.
2nd: you are suffering from a classic case of “yes, but…” Many of the suggestions offered here are good, and I would encourage you to consider them. You don’t have to do anything forever, but try something. Tell yourself that you will bring in donuts on 4 Fridays (or paydays or whatever) and see how it goes. Prepare yourself for people who ask why: “I was in a good mood.” Or, tell the truth: “I wanted a way to get people out of their cubicles, and I thought bribery would work.” (insert depreciating smile.) After 4 attempts, evaluate… either you get value for your effort or not.
Remember that there are many people who feel much as you do, and almost everyone has felt like you at some point in their life. I know I have! Feel free to email if you would like encouragement or more ideas.
I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi
Where in Texas did you live? Don’t judge the whole state by where you lived (it is a rather large state ya know), or by where you worked (you didn’t work in a church did you ). I live in Houston, and have had no problems with anyone knowing that I am (something like) agnostic. As a matter of fact, over half of my friends are believers, but they don’t (at overtly) judge me or try to convert me. My experience is that most of the larger metro areas in Texas are the same way (Austin, DFW, San Antonio…) The bible-belt mentality to which you refer is probably going to be present in most towns in the US where there is very little poplulation flux. Any large town will naturally have a poplulation flux, where people from all other parts of the country (or even the world) will move in and out on a regular basis, thus always changing the population’s “mentality”. As for your issue with the heat… well, I can’t say much about that other than “to each his own”. I personally would take 100 degree summers over winters that regularly stay below freezing. I HATE cold with a passion.
Hey Steve-o, I am not knocking Texas (well not too much), but maybe being midwest born and raised didn’t give me the proper heat gene but did give me the cold one. I think if you have to live in Texas you can’t beat Austin. I didn’t have too much problem with the Bible-belt mentality there really. Actually it was because my ex-wife became a Christian a few years after we married and I had to contend with her church people from time to time. Austin is one of the best places on the planet for a flat-out good time, but I lost my ability to have a good time somewhere around the time my kids hit their teenage years so I stopped being able to appreciate it.
I want to thank everyone again for the great support and posts on this thread and especially to Green Bean for having brunch with me this morning. For those of you haven’t met this delightful, witty and totally charming woman I hope you have the opportunity some time. I had a wonderful time with her but unfortunately because of it I must now relinquish my title of “the world’s loneliest doper” to someone else. tracer presented a rather weak argument that he might qualify for the title, but since noone else presented a stronger case I hand it to him if he wishes it.
Thanks dopers, you guys aren’t as tough as you pretend to be.
Yep, dear Bruce, you’re gonna have to relinquish your title soon. Once you meet more Jersey folks, your dance card is going to be full. We just love people from exotic places like Texas, Oregon, and Iowa.
Now, if I can only convince you to teach me that Texas two-step…
Hey, gladtameetcha and don’t for one skinny minute think you’re abnormal. Life just has a way of knocking the pins out from under ya when you least expect it.
FWIW, I’m a 40-ish type climbing out a divorce from a hopeless alchoholic and dedicated skirt-chaser. Then work blew up on me; neurotic, amoral boss (female) which led to a panic-driven jump to a high-stress job for security’s sake–when curling into a fetal curl and sleeping for a few decades sounds just great.
Give yourself some time, friend. Don’t press; let it happen. And for a pet–try a guinea pig. (Female; they’re less nippy. Low maintenance, funny, loving, warm and just funky enough to weed out the socical undesirables.)
Bring in bagels. Talk a bit. Work “friendships” make everyday life a lot easier. Follow your interests, books or nature or whatever–but do it for yourself. Faster than you’d believe possible, you’ll find enjoyment in the activity and THAT’S when real friendships follow.
Fact is, you gotta give first. Work on yourself, but get ready to be surprised at how fast other people–who are just as fallible and fragile as you are–open themselves up to what you’ve learned the hard way.
You’ll do fine…and don’t think for that same skinny minute I’ve solved all this. Tell ya what, send progress reports and we (I) will, too.
I just wanted to throw in my support and encouragement, lswote. I also know what it’s like to move to a new city and have no friends or family around. It sure seemed to be a lot easier to meet people and make friends when I was in my 20’s than it does now as I approach 40. If we weren’t on opposite coasts I’d invite you to brunch, too. Hang in there - I’m sure you’ll do just fine.
