Sad, lonely and don't feel life's worth living right now

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

First of all, don’t let the OP fool you. I have absolutely no intention of doing myself any harm.

Now, I find myself here, one month after leaving my wife, in a terrible blue funk. No progress has been made on the marriage, but I am in counseling and trying hard to work on the things I need to for myself. I just don’t like it much. I am just not used to being alone. I have almost no friends who are geographically close enough to do things with, and so spend my time staring at the same four walls. My dark moods are affecting my work, as I frequently find myself without the will to make the calls I must make to set up the appointments I need to call on clients. Going out to see them is a joy- but I hate the phone work and have let it slip. That is one thing that MUST end next week. As for the rest, well, I miss having people physically in my life. One friend brought me to tears this week by reminding me that she would always love me. ( It’s platonic. She’s a very close friend, married and eight months pregnant) It was so nice to hear that! Many of you have chatted with me online, and that has been a huge source of comfort- to all of you-Thanks. I don’t think I could make it without you.

Still, I feel the need to get out and physically interact with people as friends, and have very little if any opportunity to do this. I find myself scared, because there will come a time when I will want to find someone else to share my life with ( lord knows that’s not now. I’m not ready), and realize I have no venues to meet someone. Am I going to spend the rest of my life alone? I don’t want to, and don’t think so, but in the dark times, it seems all to possible. I have been sick all day, and for some strange reason I kept thinking of suicide. Not as an option, I have no desire to do that, but in the abstract. I think I now understand why people do do that. I barely made it to the trashcan and then the john earlier to throw up my dinner, and had the sick pleasure of realizing there was blood in it. Great, that’s all I need- more good news. I find myself smoking like a fiend, and tossing and turning instead of sleeping soundly. Basically, I feel like I’ve hit bottom. ( nowhere to go but up, right?)

Why am I up at 3:00 in the morning writing this? I dunno. It’s certainly not a cry for pity, I don’t need any of that. Actually, I feel much better having just typed it all out. All of this is under my control, I just have to keep plugging away, and a billion Red Chineese don’t give a shit either, right? Anyway, please feel free to ignore what I’ve just written, the writing part was what I needed to do. I suppose I’ll think about it tomorrow, because tomorrow is another day!
Shit. I don’t even have the rich soil of Tara to fall back on. :wink: ( wasn’t that what Scarlett’s place was called?)

2

Dave,I’m glad you aren’t going to do yourself in ! Can’t say I am good company myself tonight. But we can keep each other company while we cry in our our cyber beers. My marriage is ok at the moment, but man oh man, the stories I could tell you !

My problem is that people seem to insist on dying on me here lately. Sucks.

Marriage is tough. But at least you see what the problems are and are trying to work on them. That takes guts. I hope your wife is working on herself too.

So, what brand are we drinking anyway ?

3

{{{{{{dave}}}}}}}}

I don’t really “do” cyber hugs as a rule, but what choice do I have here?

My heart breaks for you. My prayers (or good thoughts, good vibes, whatever) are with you.

Hang in there. It gets better. I have been really depressed too, I remember the feeling of knowing why people choose suicide, (even though I didn’t actually want to do myself in. But I knew why some people did.) It’s a horrid, horrid feeling. But it won’t last. Really. Your mission for today, (and tomorrow, and next month) is to plug away at life. And eventually, you will find that things will get better. Promise. Cross my heart. The bravest, best thing you can do right now is plug away. It’ll pay off. You’ll see.

And once again, {{{{{{{{dave}}}}}}}

4

((((((Dave))))))

I’m sorry things are going so horribly for you, Dave. I just broke up with a boyfriends of five months, someone whom I had convinced myself that I loved. While I know nothing I could feel after 5 months compares to ending a marriage, I can empathize a little. It sucks.

I too have thought, in the abstract, that I understand why people kill themselves. I would never ever actually be able to do it, but I understand. Sometimes you just feel llike there is no way out, or that you can’t be any lower.

Well, here I am at 5am, hungover and unable to sleep (hmmm drinking a lot does NOT make the pain go away) so I hope you are doing better than me.

Rest assured that there are many many people on this board who care about you and are here for you. I just htink most of them are sleeping right now.

Sweet dreams!

5

Dave hun,

I wish I could take away your pain. I wish that there was something I could do to help you feel better, I hope you know that.

Sorry I didn’t answer the phone earlier, I am in my own bitch of a mood. It was a shitty day and my not being there for you is no excuse but my self is less than wanting to deal with other’s issues at the moment. I can be selfish in that manner but like I said to you, if we can’t heal ourselves we can’t help others…

You are in my thoughts and I do care for you.

Dave you know I love you like a best friend hun…I wish I was stronger and could be there for you 24/7. Tonight was not one of those nights damnit…I feel bad because of the title that you posted.

You called me and when I read that title my heart sunk…if you promise me that you are okay and will not do anything drastic I will take your word for it but if I sense anything else I am on a plane out there to get you help. You know I don’t want to see you go that route as I have been there…you know it and you I am strong about that issue.

Dave, I love you, you are a damn good friend but shit, the title of this post kind of scares me…

Please, if nothing else, email me (I have a family day tomorrow) and let me know that you are okay. I would call but it’s 5:20 your time…and I am not sure if I should call you. I am weird that way.

6

Shit I called you anyway and you didn’t answer…

I know, I know you are a hard sleeper as your past says so but I am still worried.

Dave, please email me as soon as you see this? Please? I am so worried about you!

7

Sorry I woke you…I am glad you are okay…

I am here for you…

8

Everyone, thanks for the kind words.
Please let me reiterate, I have absolutely NO plans/desires/thoughts about harming myself. When I said I didnt feel life’s worth living right now, it was not and is not any indicator that I plan to stop living it. At this moment, it’s just hard for me to see the good things that will come down the road. I KNOW that they will, it’s just hard for me to believe it right now. TC, thanks for the call. Don’t worry about calling so late, I haven’t really been able to sleep all night. I am sorry I worried you, that was not my intention. All future viewers of this thread can be assured that I am of sound mind and pose no threat to myself. Just writing it all down was a catharsis for me.
Ayesha- I dunno. Something imported maybe? With a good strong flavor, and a slightly bitter aftertaste-to enhanse the mood :wink:

9

Well God damnit…

{{{{DAVE}}}}

The least I can do is give you a cyber hug seeing as I can’t give you one in person. I wish I could give you a real hug.

I do wish I could make things better for you…I really do but I can’t from here so I offer my love to you.

< tears for our Dave >

10

-----:frowning:
—////\\

I get like that too sometimes, where I not only don’t make calls, but won’t answer the phone. Better days ahead.

Is there a UU fellowship near you, or don’t you do the pseudo church thing? I met lots of nice people when I was going there, and they were very accepting of everybody and anybody. All you have to do is show up, and you don’t have to explain your presence, or anything like that. I hope you don’t mind the suggestion.

Good luck to you. I went through two divorces (so never take any relationship advice from me) and it isn’t fun.

11

Dave…sometimes you need to get things off your chest. You wrote the post, and I read it…mission acomplished.

I hope you feel better soon. No where to go but up? Get movin’!!

12

Hang in there, Dave. I know that words can’t take away the pain, but if you need to talk, give me a call, or if you want to talk to Bluesman, he gets home this coming Friday.

In the meantime, stop staring at your walls! One of the best things you can do for yourself mentally and physically is getting some kind of physical exercise. Find a gym to work out in, or a pool to swim in, or a park to go walking in, or whatever.

It won’t solve your problems, but it will make you feel better, I promise.

13

Been through two divorces myself. The last one lasted 25 years and took me a long time to get over it. I did start doing things I’d always wanted to do and now I’m enjoying life to the fullest. It will get better, just don’t stay cooped up and dwell on it all the time. Good luck.

14

Problem for anyone who falls out of a relationship is that all the folk you used to hang out with are busy with their own relatioships so you can easily feel left out.

Being on your own has its plusses, you have control over everything you do, you can choose to do or not do pretty much as you want.

Many people find singledom after a claustrophobic relationship is exhilerating but it takes a little time to discover what you want to do .

Sounds like you could do with an activity holiday to get you started, or maybe join a local club.

Being down from time to time is normal, being on a permanent smile like some Christian fundies are is not.

What you need is a good old fashioned obsession, get yourself a Trekkie costume and learn Klingon!!

15

{{{{{Dave}}}}}

I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad. Sharing it definitely helps, so you know you have at least one place you can go when you need to vent; do it as often as you need to.

I went through a really bad breakup a few years ago that was so painful I literally thought I was going to lose my mind. What helped me during that period was physical activity. I don’t know what if any kind of exercise you do, but I found that throwing on my running shoes and going a few miles up and down the road helped me immensely. It gave me an outlet for the angry energy I had and helped lift my depressed mood as well.

I know how difficult it is to get moving when you’re feeling depressed, but if you can motivate yourself even a tiny bit, you may find it helps a lot. Geeze, if I wasn’t back up in Massachusetts at school, I’d come over there and kick your ass up and down the road a few times.

16

“The gift everyone gives and nobody takes.”
Get your self a notebook and head out to a good Chinese restaurant that serves Dim Sum. Nibble on all of those goodies while you sip some nice hot tea. Remember to get an extra teacup and mix some soy sauce with a little hot oil for a dipping mix. (Order har gow, hom sai gok, sui mai and char sui bao for starters.)

That accomplished, write out a strategy of the important appointments and calls that you have and make a daily hit list for your ongoing work. Make notes about your counselling sessions and any other plans you have.

Once that’s done, get down to the waterfront and take a brisk walk out in the open air. Talk to a couple of people that you meet. Open up your world for yourself. After all, you’re the only one who can do it. Go and buy yourself an ice cream cone or sorbet. Or sit at an open air cafe and sip a good coffee or hot chocolate. Take some more notes and maybe even record your impressions of the day just for fun. Maybe head out to Fort McHenry and appreciate the view.

Now for the important part. When you get home, turn your lights on. Do not sit around in a darkened house. You will only be more gloomy. A little postive action will go a long way towards getting in the right frame of mind. You’re a cook. Try making up a new recipe or make one of your favorites. Hell, try one of mine. There’s no law against pampering yourself.
[sheriff from cool hand luke]

“We gotta get your mind right, son.”

[/sheriff from cool hand luke]

17

(((((((Dave)))))))

18

Hey, Dave, I know a little of what you’re feeling right now. My life is packed with school, but there are times when I’m so lonesome, I could just curl up in a ball and not do anything for days at a time. If I were there, I’d give you a great big hug.

Just a couple of suggestions:

  • go get yourself some St. John’s Wort (.3% hypericin) and take it. You could easily go into a clinical depression, and SJW has been shown to help those neurotransmitters get back on their feet…

  • get a massage. After a breakup (and often just before and during), we’re deprived of the physical affection we’re so used to. Hugs from friends help tons, but getting special attention for a whole hour by someone who knows how to get kinks and tensions out of a knotted body can’t be beat.

Take good care of yourself, Dave. You are, after all, one in a weird million.

19

No advice from The Monkey, just a little saying that has helped me through tough times over the years:

         **This too shall pass.**

Good Luck!

20

{{{{ dave }}}}

With tears in my eyes, I sympathize with you. I think back to how I felt after the initial separation and wonder who maintained my life for me while I went crazy inside. I don’t know how I kept it together, considering at the time I had the distinct feeling that my whole universe had been blasted to smithereens. But I made it thru and I’m stronger than I ever suspected.

Operating strictly in zombie-mode, I did get out a lot and I know it helped. It built up my self confidence. I walked into places alone and learned to hold my head up and pay attention to something other than my problems. When I stayed home, I inevidably ended up throwing all-night pity parties. DO NOT STAY HOME.

Go to bars (if applicable), sign up for a class of any kind to learn or enhance your knowledge on anything you’re even vaguely interested in or join the Jaycees or other group where you can be around other people. Also, check out support groups for separation/divorce at YMCAs, hospitals, churches, etc. where you can have a sympathetic support group.

Individual therapy’s okay, but there’s nothing like other people in same situation to commisserate with (it begins to sink in that others have/had it worse and survived and you begin to be more objective and less emotional about your status). Going it alone is not the way. Sign up, get out…please.

Soon, it’ll just be a fact of life, an episode in your past, a part of what makes you the person you are.