Roy Rogers and Dale Evans were vacationing in the country cabin. In the middle of the night, a mountain lion stole up to the cabin and chewed up Roy’s new cowboy boots that he had left on the porch.
The next day, Roy saddled up Trigger and went out hunting for the big cat. He found it, shot it, threw it over his saddle and came home.
As he approached the cabin, Dale came out and said,
“Pardone me, Roy, is that the cat that ate your new shoes?”
I don’t get it. Is this some sort of cowboy humor, or perhaps a play on a line from a movie I never saw?
Re: “Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat that ate your new shoes?”
Antares, you may be a star, probably even bright. But you sure are young if you don’t get the reference to “Chatanooga Choo Choo,” a hit song of the 1940’s played by the Glenn Miller Orchestra and sung by Tex Beneke and the Modernaires. The opening line of the song was “Pardon me, boy (a shoeshine boy who probably wasn’t a boy), is that the Chatanooga Choo Choo?” Hey, it was about 1944. America was less civilized then than it has become. (I was only two, but I’ve always loved Glenn Miller music.)
Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Youth is so wasted on the young. 
I always heard the punchline as “Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”
And for you young whippersnappers who don’t recognize the joke, it’s a play on the first line ofChattanooga Choo Choo, “Pardon me boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo?”
If you’re familiar with Young Frankenstein, you may also recognize a variation of it from when Gene Wilder is on the train pulling into the Transylvania Station.
Oh, and a REALLY bad pun:
Definition of an open-casket funeral: remains to be seen
Told ya!
Mark Russell in December 1989: “Pardon me, boys - are you the cats that cooled Ceausescu?”
When you’re sittin’ with your honey
and your nose is a little runny.
you may think it’s funny,
but it’s snot. =)
Got this one from Car Talk (I’m pretty sure):
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French kitchen?
Linoleum Blownapart
From the thread some time ago about the most intellectual jokes:
Rene Descartes goes into a bar and orders a beer. He downs it in one go, and the barkeep asks “You want another, pal?”
Descartes ponders a moment before saying, “No, I think not” and POOF! he disapears.
There’s another good one about prostitutes and Descartes in that thread, but it’s pretty long winded, so I’ll let y’all find it yourselves.
Well there we go. I’m 19. Explains muchly. My mom had a big love for Glenn Miller, and I did get exposed to quite a bit of that stuff, but I haen’t listened to any in years and I’m afraid that that line totally went over my head. :o Oh well. Shall I throw in one of those hearty "hah hah"s, and pretend I got it? I think I will.
Hah hah! Good one, man, that was great! ::slaps knee::
"When I was a boy I fell in love with the local Squire’s daughter, but she would have nothing to do with me. In fact she said, ‘You and your whole family are just…dirt!’ But I kept at her, and she finally relented and invited me to Saturday afternoon tea.
"When I got to their house, she met me at the door and said, 'Oh by the way I forgot to tell you: We’re all nudists here, so you need to take your clothes off before you come out into the garden. She showed me to a bathroom and I undressed. Then I walked outside and found that she and her parents were fully dressed. First they laughed. Then her father threw me out of the house, barely giving me time to collect my clothes.
The moral of the story:
“Never undress to meet the Pa of a woman”.
(From an NPR word-game show. It works a little better in British English)
At one of my former places of employment, one of the other employees was known for his quick wit. Upon hearing that someone was moving out of London and would be working picking asparagus for a while, he quipped, “It doesn’t pay much, but I hear the tips are good.”
During another water-cooler discussion about the poorly-made plastic forks that come with take-away salads and such, and how you end up eating broken-off tines and thus risk damage to your digestive system, he said, “Ah yes – these are the tines that try our souls.”*
[sub]*Much funnier if you’re British, as “our souls” sounds like “arseholes”.[/sub]
The one about Hugh and the florist friars has always been a favorite. Digging deep into the memory banks produced another that I haven’t seen posted yet. It’s a bit long, but with a great pay-off.
Sam Clam and Larry Lobster were the best of friends. Larry was a righteous lobster and lived a good and upright life. The same could not be said for Sam who hung around in bars and night clubs. Sam always dreamed of owning his own establishment one day. Well, the day came when both Larry and Sam finally passed away. Larry was ushered into heaven and given his obligatory harp, while Sam ended up going the other way. Some time later, Larry approached St. Peter.
You see, Larry was a lonely lobster who missed his good friend Sam. He talked with peter awhile and finally was given permission to visit Sam on the following day with the stipulation that Larry must return by midnight or he would not be allowed back in.
Larry set off the next day and had a grand time with Sam, who incidentally had finally realized his dream of owning a disco club. They had a great day and Larry lost track of time. Suddenly he relized midnight was near, made a hasty farewell and high-tailed it back to the pearly gates. As he arrived, Peter greated him but noticed something was wrong. “Larry”, he said, “haven’t you forgotten something?” At which point Larry realized his error. “Oh my”, said Larry, “I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco!”
The one about Hugh and the florist friars has always been a favorite. Digging deep into the memory banks produced another that I haven’t seen posted yet. It’s a bit long, but with a great pay-off.
Sam Clam and Larry Lobster were the best of friends. Larry was a righteous lobster and lived a good and upright life. The same could not be said for Sam who hung around in bars and night clubs. Sam always dreamed of owning his own establishment one day. Well, the day came when both Larry and Sam finally passed away. Larry was ushered into heaven and given his obligatory harp, while Sam ended up going the other way. Some time later, Larry approached St. Peter.
You see, Larry was a lonely lobster who missed his good friend Sam. He talked with peter awhile and finally was given permission to visit Sam on the following day with the stipulation that Larry must return by midnight or he would not be allowed back in.
Larry set off the next day and had a grand time with Sam, who incidentally had finally realized his dream of owning a disco club. They had a great day and Larry lost track of time. Suddenly he relized midnight was near, made a hasty farewell and high-tailed it back to the pearly gates. As he arrived, Peter greated him but noticed something was wrong. “Larry”, he said, “haven’t you forgotten something?” At which point Larry realized his error. “Oh no!”, said Larry, “I left my harp in Sam Clam’s Disco!”
Oops, sorry for the double post. My connection has been cranky today.
BTW, if you really want some bad puns, go watch the muppet show. Pigs in space and vetrinarian’s hospital are the two sketches with the most (and worst) puns.
So three men went walking through a jungle which was inhabited by the legendary Foo Bird. No one had yet encountered a Foo Bird and lived to tell the tale.
While eating lunch one day, the men saw a strange bird fly overhead. “Oh,” one man said, “That must be a Foo Bird. I’ve never seen anything like it.” Just as he said that, the bird dropped a big white blob on his head - it was a big bird, and it splattered all over him. “Oh no!” the man said. “I’m covered in bird shit!” He washed it off in the river. As soon as he stood up, a tiger leapt out of the brush and ate him.
His two companions were most disturbed to see this. “Wow,” they said, “the legend must be true!”
The next day they saw the bird again. And wouldn’t you know it - Plop! - right on one guy’s shoulder. Remembering their lost companion, the men didn’t really know what to do. He scraped off what he could, but they were more concerned with loading their guns and checking their maps to make sure that they were safe. They did everything they could think of. But as they were cautiously picking their way along a mountain path a massive rock fell on the man’s head and he was instantly killed.
“Oh dear,” thought the remaining man. “I had better watch out for the dreaded Foo Bird.”
He headed home to safety, where the Foo Bird feared to tread, but just before he reached the end of the forest the bird reappeared and dumped a load right on top of him.
“Drat!” he thought. But he sat down for a while, contemplating his lost companions and wondering how he could possibly survive the incident. He eventually realized that they had only died after they had washed off the white stuff, and so resolved to leave it on.
And he lived happily ever after - always with the stinking and yellowing pile of goo stuck to him, but the point is, he survived.
So what’s the moral of this story?
… if the foo shits, wear it.
Oh, and also:
A man walked into a bar.
He said: “Ow!”
Which composer had the narrowest shoe size?
Gabriel Foure (4 A)
June the gynecologist walked into the lounge where she liked to unwind after a day’s work and sat down at the bar. Jake the bartender set a tall glass in front of her containing a pale amber liquid that had bubbles and foam but looked too light to be a beer.
“What’s this, Jake,” asked June, “something new?”
"Yes, it’s a new drink in your honor, Doc,” Jake replied. “It’s a mixture of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff Vodka.”
June says, “No kidding, what do you call that?”
“We call it a ‘Pabst Smir’!”
Well, haven’t seem that one yet…
Bob is going on a business trip to London. As he boards the plane, he saw his good friend sitting at the back of the seats. As his friend was at the back of the plane, he shouted out a loud greeting to him. Immediately, he was arrested. Why?
His friend’s name is Jack.
I used to have a photograph of the Royal Family of Monaco hanging in the bathroom. The photograph was made in the Royal Throne Room so that’s what gave me the idea of hanging it in the bath.
I was describing this to a friend who immediately came back with, “Oh! So you really do have Prince Albert in the can.”
Some of my own. Hey, the OP said worst pun, right?
PUN DICTIONARY
by
Larry Gott
A.K.A. DesertGeezer
acrimony, the period between matrimony and alimony.
aerosol, Hasidic pilot.
aperitif, two people with larcenous intent.
attenuate, you had a late supper.
bisexual, one who has to buy it if he wants it.
blandish, tasteless entree.
brandish, Spode.
buttress, anything one can sit on.
cascade, assistance carrying the beer barrel.
chiropractor, frames adjuster.
commotion, dirty dancing.
diatribe, family that runs a weight-loss clinic.
dulcet, steak knives in need of sharpening.
effervescent, not just sometimes vescent.
feather duster, a mom-pom.
gargoyle, what Popeye used to lubricate his garg.
hiccup, beverege container for a peasant.
hubris, circumcision of baby Hubert.
inviolabale, can’t be persuaded to double on viola.
kilter, dispatched that female.
kumquat, how to call your dog, Quat.
lathe, ith prone or thupine.
machine-folded paper sculpture, faked origami.
matrix, pranks pulled between April and June.
morbid, higher offer at the auction.
nuance, their sisters just gave birth.
open casket funeral, remains to be seen.
opus, how to call your kitty.
orthodox, moorings for Republican boats.
orthodoxy, right-thinking whore.
philatelist, one who plays the philatel.
quota, one fourth of a Dallas Cowboys game.
Ra, “This hamburger isn’t done.”
rake tracks, sign of the tines.
second-chair flute, substi-toot.
sluice, needs tightening.
syngenesis, original syn.
triad, how to sell your car through the Sunday paper.
rollop, gait of a promiscuous pony.
unabridged, impassable stream (see also unaffordable)
vex, polish a German car.
witch, one who took a turn for the curse.
xylophone, the fastest way to contact your friend, Xylo.
nothing for this letter, I don’t know Y
zebra, fits Dolly Parton.