There are 12 pink inflatable flamingos in my office staring at me

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Is that not one of the most bizarre sentences you’ve read in the last 12 minutes? The troubling thing is, it’s true.

OK, there’s a pretty mundane reason for this: our PR person has come up with a new twist in soliciting donations from employees for the latest charity my company is sponsoring. Anyone can send anyone else a set of 2, 5 or 10 flamingos for a set donation. The receiving party, when they tire of all the neon avian faux fauna cluttering up their office, will call out to have them picked up, which will also cost them a donation (though this one is voluntary, but considered good form to oblige). My manager volunteered to have our office distribute and collect flamingos on the condition that no one in our office could be, uh, “flamingoed”. And so the dirty dozen (a set of 10 and 2) sit here awaiting delivery, which won’t happen until Monday.

Right now they’re all piled on top of each other, mostly sniffing each others asses or other anatomy, but two of them are eerily staring right at me. To top it off, there’s a major lightning storm going on outside and I fear that the electricity in the air will bring the inflatable menaces to life.

Where do these things come from? I’ve checked them over and the only notable anatomical feature I can see is an air intake valve on the left buttock. How do they get inflated? Do they blow each other up? And more importantly, WHY HAVE I NEVER SEEN A BABY INFLATABLE FLAMINGO?

I don’t know where this is going. I’m bored and scared. Feel free to offer suggestions.

Oh god, one of them just moved. Help me!

2

Keep them for forever. That’ll show 'em!

I don’t know about the building you work in, but… Go to a different floor with different businesses on them (ie, people who have no clue). Head into the bathroom and stick one flamingo in each john. Deflate one and stick it up the slot for the condom machine.

When you go to a meeting and there are empty seats, make a big show out of placing a flamingo in each chair until all seats are taken (or you run out of flamingos, in which case you should fill the 12 most comfortable chairs). If somebody comes in late and tries to move a flamingo, clear your throat loudly as if they were doing something incredibly rude.

Tape them to a ceiling fan. Even rubber flamingos love to fly.

3

Where are the baby inflatable flamingos? Hanging out with the baby inflatable pigeons, of course.

4

Next time you guys solicit for charity, try this. I heard some high school did it.

Every penny you get adds to your total. Every silver you get deducts (nickels, dimes, quarters) from your total. So while the freshmen are frantically trying to fill their jars with pennies, the laughing seniors are dumping in rolls of quarters. Of course, all the money goes to charity, and it’s a neat way to bring the grand total up.

5

Wouldn’t work with me. I’d keep 'em.

Gotta go now, the nurse is coming with my meds.